Song Selections:
Edward's POV:
"Mr. Brightside" by The Killers
"With Me" by Sum 41
Bella's POV:
"In My Place" by Coldplay
**Edward's POV**
Jasper smiled. "Don't I know it. We really should try and make time to get together more often and hell I don't know, maybe even have a guy's night out at least once a month while you're in season."
"Definitely. I kinda miss those days," I agreed.
"So, how are things going with Bella? Y'all have been seeing a lot more of each other in the past few weeks according to Alice."
Of course Alice would keep Jasper informed of mine and Bella's relationship, which I really did appreciate. In all honesty, Alice really has been a godsend for our relationship. Her advice regarding the importance of taking things slow with Bella was vital to hear because without it, I have a feeling that I would have pushed my girl too far and too fast. And this, which I know from past experiences, wouldn't have worked out favorably at all. I guess slow and steady really does win the race, or in my case the girl of my dreams.
I exhaled loudly and could feel a small smile creep onto my face. "Yeah, man. The last month has been really amazing. I mean we're trying to keep it on the down low as much as possible but we spend as much time together as we can despite the constant traveling and all, which fucking sucks by the way. But even though it's borderline impossible being away from her so damn much, I feel like we're starting to get the hang of it and I'm fucking exponentially grateful."
"So are you two officially back together again?" he asked raising his eyebrow ever so slightly. "I mean, I can see why you're keeping it quiet and all though. Who the hell knows how the guys on the team would react to that shit," Jasper added.
"I guess so. We haven't really said one way or the other. It's sort of been bothering me, but I try really hard not to push things with Bella because that technique has never worked with her. Alice sort of recommended letting her take the lead which, to tell you the truth, is frustrating as hell. But it is what it is and she does seem really happy, as am I, so what can you do" I admitted shrugging my shoulders.
Jasper nodded. "I can imagine as it seems like you're sort of in a constant state of limbo. So what, pray tell, is Bella up to tonight? I mean, she has to be up to something for you to finally have time to meet up with me?" he said sarcastically nudging me in the side.
"You're such a chick sometimes, I swear Jazz." He chuckled and shrugged. "If you must know you nosey dick, she's supposed to be meeting up with her uncle and Emmett for dinner."
Pausing to think about what I said, it then popped into my mind that Bella never mentioned Alice joining them, which was weird considering Emmett was joining her.
"Come to think of it, where's Alice at anyways? Why isn't she joining them?" I inquired.
Jazz took a large bite of his steak. "She's in New York meeting with some buyers. She's been trying to see who might be interested in carrying the clothing line she's been working on forever."
"Really?" I asked taking a drink of my scotch. "She's thinking about leaving Bloomingdale's?"
"It's always been her dream to have her own boutique and her own clothing line. She's been working night and day trying to perfect everything for this meeting. Hopefully it goes well. I haven't heard from her yet today, but the buyers she met up with yesterday were concerned over some fabric choice or something. I don't really understand it all. Instead I just listen and nod when she tells me and pretend that I get it," he replied.
I smirked. "Yeah, I guess fashion never really was your forté. Though I have to admit, it's improved dramatically since you started dating Ali. That's probably because she never lets you pick out anything on your own."
"Real funny Edward," Jasper replied sarcastically.
I laughed. "It wasn't really supposed to be funny. I was just stating the facts because you know you're fashion sense sucks."
"Well not all of us have had personal fucking shoppers since we were twenty-one. By the way, get off your fucking high horse and stop acting like you are so much better. You'd have no sense either, if you didn't obsessively pay attention to what they were buying you," he said pushing his empty plate away from him. "Dinner's on you by the way," he smiled mischievously.
"Fucker. You know, you're my agent. Aren't you supposed to take me out and wine and dine me and kiss my ass, since I'm the one supplying you with a paycheck?"
"You mean that measly amount of commission I get for helping you sign multi-million dollar contracts? Please, you wouldn't even have the contract if it wasn't for me?" he jostled. "And anyway, I wasn't aware that we were out on a business affair. I thought we were friends, Edward. I'm hurt," he responded bringing his hand to his heart.
I shook my head chuckled. "Always with the dramatics, Jazz. Fine you win you big fucking baby; I'll pay. Are you happy now?" I pulled my money clip out of pocket and placed my Am Ex card down over top of the bill for the waiter to pick up. "You've always been such a cheap motherfucker. Some things never change, I guess."
Just then the waiter appeared and took the bill. Jasper smiled widely, nodding his head. "Works like a charm every time," he bragged. I can't believe you continue fall for my dramatics, as you say."
I snorted and shook my head. How Alice put up with him sometimes I'll never know. When the waiter returned with the bill, I signed his copy leaving a generous tip and started to put my card back in my pocket.
"Oh, hey. Give me a few minutes, will ya?" Jasper exclaimed excitedly. I looked at him in confusion wondering what the hell he instantly became so excited over. "Dustin Ackley is here. I don't have a clue as to why this kid is here in town but he'll be drafted this year."
"Okay," I shrugged, not really understanding the significance.
"Sorry. It's just that I've heard through the grapevine that he might be interested in ditching Boras since so many teams are trying to avoid dealing with him anymore. The kids are worried about dropping lower in the draft after last year's debacle which means that I might have a chance to sign him. Let me just field him out quickly and see if I can figure out what's going on. Maybe I can entice him to meet with me for a free meal," he smirked.
I rolled my eyes. "I see how it is asshole. I'm not worthy of your free meal, but he is? I'm honestly hurt Jasper," I said reenacting his dramatics from earlier in the meal and clenched my hands around my heart.
He smiled, then stood up and slapped me on the back. "Oh cut the bullshit my friend and suck it up. If you can believe it, my entire world doesn't revolve around you. I'll meet you outside in a few, man."
I chuckled to myself and got up from the table. As I was walking down the few stairs leading past the bar and to the front door, a woman sitting at the bar caught my eye. Her long legs were crossed and she was leaning into the man next to her so that she could hear him better. She had long brown hair that tumbled dramatically over her shoulder and my thoughts immediately drifted towards Bella.
I smiled softly thinking about my beautiful girl. We were supposed to be having dinner tonight, but she called me a few days ago in a panic and explained that her uncle wanted to take her and Emmett out for dinner. She apologized profusely for breaking our plans, but it really was no big deal especially because it was her uncle for crying out loud. I still wanted her to have her independence. It was one of the things that most amazed me about the woman she had become over the years. Her confidence, charm and wit were some of her most attractive features. I mean, I was always aware of these qualities but it was great to see that she finally realized them as well.
Our last month together had been pretty much perfect despite the fact that we still hadn't really defined our relationship. We spent as much time together as was humanly possible for two people in our position. We were still only trying to reconnect and get to know each other again. Our pasts were still on hold at the moment, though I was beginning to feel that maybe we could slowly start bringing some of that stuff up again. I figured we could start slow. Maybe touching on college or our families first, and then working our way into the more heavy stuff.
I must be a complete fucking masochist, but I had to admit I was more than a little interested in her time with Jake. I didn't want to hate him, but damn was it hard. That asshole had gotten to live out practically every one of my fantasies with her- something I was still trying to come to grips with. Even though his time with her was short, he had been able to experience so many firsts with her. Marriage, honeymoon, traveling- all those things should have been ours to do together. Jesus, I hated myself for fucking this up the first time through. Thank goodness Bella seemed to be willing to give me a second chance. I'm not sure what I did to earn this type of redemption, but believe me I was eternally grateful.
Shaking my head from my thoughts, I strolled into the men's room to relieve myself figuring I had more than enough time to spare while I waited for Jasper. After washing my hands, I headed back out past the bar and couldn't help but glance at the woman again. There was just something about her that drew my eyes to her involuntarily, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. I silently cursed myself for even thinking about looking at this woman. I was so incredibly happy with Bella and I just couldn't decipher what it was that continually caused me to glance at her.
Just as my internal cursing was coming to an end; I saw the woman throw her head back and heard her laugh. It was this sound that caused my eyes to widen in horror. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Me.What the fuck? It couldn't be her, could it?
I'd recognize that laugh anywhere. I dreamed of that laugh. I spent the last ten years thinking about that magical sound and the way it would immediately bring a smile to my face. I watched in shock as she casually pushed the man's shoulder teasing him and wouldn't you know that the bastard laughed back at her. She made him smile. Him! As if it couldn't get any worse, her beautiful brown eyes sparkled as she gazed back at the man. Just looking at her it was plain as day that she was truly happy, there was no mistaking that.
Stuck in an enraged daze, I walked towards her even though I didn't have any fucking clue what I was even doing or going to say. A mantra was running on a constant loop through my brain, like a motherfucking awful Justin Bieber song stuck on repeat not allowing me to think of anything else. She lied to you. She lied to you. How could I have been so easily deceived? No wonder she was in no hurry to define what we were to each other; she was already involved with someone else. Goddamn it! All the nights I had been desperately trying to prove my faithfulness to her working like hell to show her I wouldn't fuck this up, but in reality I wasn't the one who was going to destroy us this time around.. she was.
I walked with determination over towards where they sat still having no idea what the hell I was really doing. Somewhere deep in my brain, a little voice told me I should walk away until I was calmer because Bella couldn't and wouldn't lie to me. The sad thing was though, that my tiny voice of reason was so quiet and that stupid mantra running through my head was practically screaming at me. I was giving her everything I had and she was just throwing it away. Did she think I was some little puppet on a string that she could manipulate on her own free will? Hell no! There was no way I was going to let her get away with this shit. She was going to tell me to my face that what we had was nothing to her. I wasn't going to give up on her or allow her to give up on us without a fucking fight.
My nostrils were flared as I tried to calm my breaths. I came to a stop just behind the man that was supposed to be her uncle. Uncle my ass. Who's uncle looks like that? Just then, Bella glanced over her shoulder and her eyes flashed up to my face. At first it seemed as if she was starting to smile, but then her jaw instantly dropped and I could see fear creep into her eyes. Yeah, I had definitely caught her.
"E... Edward. Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked nervously.
"I could ask you the same question. Especially since this is not what you told me you were up to a few days ago," I replied harshly.
Bella swallowed and then licked her lips. Obviously she suddenly was overcome with a case of dry mouth. "Look, Edward, please calm down. It's not what you think," she said quickly, glancing back and forth between the man and me like she was watching a tennis match at Wimbledon. "This is Marcus. He's my..."
"You think I give a flying fuck who this is, Bella? Do you really think I want to meet the man that you're fucking behind my back?" I asked loudly.
Her mouth fell open and her eyes popped wide. Bella stood abruptly, angling herself between me and the other man. "Edward, you're making a scene." She reached out trying to touch my arms while she spoke. "Please, just calm down and let me explain," she pleaded quietly in a restrained voice. All the while attempting to sooth me by rubbing her small hands up and down my arms.
That shit was not going to work this time. In fact, it pissed me off even more that she was even trying it right now. I shook myself free of her normally calming hands. "I don't need your fucking explanations, Bella. I think it's pretty obvious what the hell is going on here," I continued raising my voice even louder. At this point I noticed other patrons in the bar were beginning to witness the scene I was making, but I really couldn't focus on any of them and honestly didn't give a shit what they thought anyway.
"Look man, just relax for a second and let her talk," Marcus interrupted.
I glared at him over Bella's head so strongly that I could feel the hatred radiating off me in spades which caused my hands to form into fists at my sides. "You," I spat at him leaning over Bella, so close I could feel his breath, "you don't fucking talk. I don't need your opinions on this matter. This is between me and her. Just stay the fuck out of it."
I turned my attention back towards Bella and all I could see was the confusion and utter terror written all over her troubled face. Unable to stop myself, I grabbed at her hand, trying to pull her towards me and out of the restaurant. I couldn't really focus in here at all. My damn head was spinning and I was literally seeing red. Maybe some fresh air would allow me to start breathing normally again. She stumbled forward; tripping over her own feet and practically fell into my chest.
"Oh for the love of God, Bella. Will you ever learn how to fucking walk?" I asked coldly, righting her on her feet. The statement even surprised my own ears as I could barely recognize the voice I was speaking in. It was like I was possessed or something. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed I could be so cold to this girl.
Apparently having enough, Marcus stepped in and pushed me backwards. "Cut it out, man. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you will not speak to her like that."
Before I could even register what I was doing, I felt the force of my fist making contact with his jaw. This is when the world started to spiral out of control. In what seemed like the distance, I could hear Bella screaming. And then, all of a sudden, I felt as if someone was pulling me away from behind. All the while I was in shock, simply staring at my fist wondering what the fuck just happened? I raised my eyes and they darted quickly over to Bella. She was staring at me, tears quickly rushing down her pale cheeks. The look in her eyes was one I had never seen from her before. It was vacant and detached, yet full of sorrow and heartbreak. It was a look that I never wanted to see from her, let alone be the cause of, but it was this single look that began to shake me out of my hazy state.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What had I done? Shit, did I hurt her? "No," I said trying to fight my way back towards her. "Bella," I gasped as the grip on the back of my hair tightened.
Then, in a matter of mere milliseconds, the cool breeze from outside hit me with force and I slumped against the wall like a ton of bricks. Once on the cold pavement, I began the task of attempting to focus and piece the last few minutes together in my head so I could determine what the hell just transpired.
"What the fuck, Edward? What the hell was that? Are you out of your motherfucking mind? Jesus fucking Christ," I heard Jasper's voice speaking in a normal decibel but with a harsh tone. "This is going to be a press nightmare you asshole. Do you hear me, a fucking nightmare! And are you kidding me with screaming at your boss in a public place about who the fuck she's fucking? Have you lost your damn mind? Oh hell….and let's not forget about you assaulting that man- that could have been a business associate for all you know. Jesus!" he continued to rant, all the while pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.
"I don't know. I don't know what just happened, Jazz. I saw her there with him and I just…I just lost it. I couldn't think. I don't even know what happened. It's a blur, like I wasn't even there." I tried to explain but I couldn't find the words to do so.
"Well believe me, you were fucking there." He spoke a little louder. "Fuck me! Just get your ass in the car. Let me see if I can go in and talk to her, make sure the guy you seem to be best friends with now is alright and make sure they haven't already called the cops. Shit!"
I was staring at my hand, looking at it as if it was going to magically tell me all the answers or something. I began to open and close it, feeling the tightness and soreness that had already set in hoping like hell I didn't fuck it up. "Go Edward, now. Get in the fucking car and wait there. Do you hear me?" I raised my eyes to look at him not really appreciating being talked to like a child. But when I saw the anger and panic flashing there, I couldn't find the will to argue with him. Well I had certainly made a mess of this night hadn't I? I pushed off the wall and started to walk towards the lot. I then turned to see Jasper heading back inside and could do nothing but shake my head and sigh.
With my head down, I continued walking towards the car and turned the corner around a large black SUV. Obviously I wasn't focused on where I was going because after a few steps I ran straight into a large boulder of a man.
"Masen? What the hell man, you gotta look where you're walking. I can't have my star player getting hurt because he's not perceptive while he's walking," I heard a loud, booming voice chuckle.
My head immediately snapped up and I stared at Emmett in disbelief mainly because he was here. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's freaking me out man. You look confused or some shit. Didn't Bella tell you we were meeting here for dinner tonight?"
I continued to stare at him like a complete fucking moron, as my voice seemed to have been lost permanently at this point. Emmett gave me an odd look. "Are you joining us? Bella didn't mention it earlier, but this is probably for the best. Better for you two to be seen in public with a group then alone. Where you already inside? Did you see her? She's supposed to be waiting at the bar with Phil's brother, Marcus," he said putting his arm around my shoulder to steer me back towards the restaurant. Emmett continued rambling, "That dude is so awesome. We have the best time when he comes into town. You're really going to like him."
My eyes widened at his statement. Shit, shit, shit. It was her uncle. She wasn't lying. I didn't even let her explain. Fuck me!
I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was about to hyperventilate. I pushed away from him without a word and turned and headed back towards my car. Crawling into the passenger side, I knew there was no way in hell I was capable of driving at this point. Emmett stared at me with furrowed brows but I quickly dropped my head, only looking back up when I heard Jasper greet him somewhat awkwardly. They made brief conversation and a few moments later they both looked back over towards me. I didn't give two shits what they were saying at this point. Emmett would probably come over here and beat my ass to a pulp, but I couldn't even react. There was no doubt that I deserved every bit of that beat down.
Surprisingly, Emmett headed towards the restaurant, without another glance. Jasper sat down in the driver's seat, snatching the keys out of my hand and started the car. We drove in complete silence for several minutes until he finally decided to speak. "You'll be happy to know that he's not pressing charges" he said seeming somewhat relieved.
At that minute, being arrested was the least of my worries. I was well aware that I had lost my chance with Bella and that she'd never forgive me. Why would she? How could she? It's not as if I didn't know her feelings on this type behavior. My jealousy had been a source of contempt for us in the past and this completely unreasonable and childish outburst was sure to end all things between us for good.
Jasper drove back to my place, parked my car in the designated spot and turned to face me. "Pull your shit together and get inside. Please don't bother Bella tonight. I'm begging you. Just give her some time to calm down. I think both of you need to do that. Please, just do this one thing for me Edward," he begged.
I picked up the keys dangling from his finger and nodded before heading back inside. I plopped myself down on the couch, my head hitting its back roughly, and I closed my eyes. All the varying degrees of emotions that had played out such a short time ago completely exhausted me. At the moment I felt almost numb, as if my brain was actually devoid of any thought process what so ever. I have no idea how long I sat like that, sitting in a state of utter blankness, but I was startled back into reality when my phone started ringing. I reached for it, not even looking at the caller ID. "Bella?' I asked exasperated into the receiver.
"Good evening sir, I'm calling from Carnival Cruise line to let you know that you have been selected to receive a three day, four..."
I hung up. The emotion suddenly hitting me in the face with hurricane force winds made me realize that she was never going to call me again. I acted irrationally- jumping to conclusions too quickly and believing the worst about her. This was honestly insane, by the way, because I knew she loved me even if we hadn't quite gotten to the point of admitting those words to each other just yet. This is what made the entire situation even worse. All this time I had been trying to show how devoted I am to her and us, but in one stupid moment I erased my efforts and transformed into the worst version of myself. I let my face drop into my hands where I literally started sobbing like a baby. The anguish over what I had just done was overwhelming me and I couldn't seem to get a hold of myself. Losing Bella once was terrible enough but I knew if I lost her again, which really would be forever this time, I would never recover.
Despite the night's events, there was no way in hell I was ready to let her or us go. I loved my beautiful girl with such a passion it was probably unhealthy at times. But the fact of the matter remained and I was absolutely nothing without her. She made me whole and I honestly didn't know if I'd survive another heartbreak from her. I wasn't that fucking stupid to not realize that I once again had destroyed my life all on my own. It seemed to be something I was very capable of doing every time a little happiness washed up into it…especially if it had something to do with Bella. I made more mistakes with her than I had in my entire fucking life. Most of these were things that I couldn't take back and most of them were the things that had destroyed us so many years ago.
I could apologize to her forever, in every damn language and way possible, but I honestly didn't think she'd even hear me. I couldn't blame her for not forgiving me because I had been such an asshole. Fuck that, I was worse than an asshole, but I couldn't think of a name for someone like that at the moment. The look on her face as I was being pulled away said it all. She was genuinely scared of me. I was the worst kind of evil in her sad eyes. I was a monster. I had scared her and I would gladly do anything to go back in time and erase that look from her face. I would beg and plead and enslave myself for her if it would take her fear and sadness away. I'd give her my life, my heart, my soul if it would show how completely and utterly devoted I was to her. I promised myself that I would never hurt her again, but I had just carelessly broken that promise.
**Bella POV**
He rubbed his jaw soothingly as people around us were in a full flurry of motion. A man reached down to help pull him back up towards his feet while a bartender rushed over with a baggie full of ice and clean towel. "I'm fine. It's okay. Thank you," he smiled to the man that had helped him and at the bartender.
"Do you want me to call the police?" the bartender questioned.
"No, no. That's not necessary. Really... I'm fine. Thank you again," he spoke calmly and sincerely before looking back at me. "Are you okay?"
"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into him. I'm so embarrassed right now," I cried suddenly.
He reached his arm out and pulled me into his chest trying to comfort me. "Shh... shhh... Bella. It's okay. I'm fine. Don't be embarrassed. Everything is fine."
"Stop saying 'fine'. Fine is not okay. Fine is not good. Fine is what you say when you are trying to placate someone. Just stop saying fine and tell me the truth," I screeched.
"Bella?" I heard Jasper's quiet voice and looked over at him. My eyes overflowed once again with tears and I threw myself into his arms.
He held me tightly, rocking me back and forth reminding me of something Edward used to do for me when I was upset. Thinking of him caused me an immense amount of confusion. On one hand, the mere mention of his name made the fury inside me start to build; but on the other the only thing I wanted to do was find solace in his embrace.
"What the hell was wrong with him, Jasper? I've never seen him like that before," I questioned him through teary eyes. "I was so scared and he was like a fucking maniac…like he was someone else. And do you know that he wouldn't let me talk? He just kept ranting, and I kept trying to explain, and then the next thing I know he's yelling at me for not being able to walk, and then Boom! Marcus is on the ground. It all happened so fast that I couldn't even process it all," I rambled on and on.
"I know, Bella. I know. Are you hurt darlin'?" he questioned still attempting to sooth me.
I shook my head no against his chest. I then felt him sigh before he continued. "I don't know what happened. I only caught half the conversation, but when I saw the look in his eyes after he yelled at you for tripping, I thought he was calming down. He looked so remorseful for the way he was speaking to you that I thought I'd give him a second to try and rectify this situation on his own. Edward has never been a violent person, so that wasn't even something I thought I had to worry about. And then suddenly I heard the crack of his fist making contact with Marcus and I knew I was too late. I'm so sorry darlin', so sorry. I should have tried to do something sooner. He was so calm and happy at dinner. I barely recognized him myself," he explained trying to comfort me and sounding a tad regretful for not getting to us sooner.
"I'm sorry, man. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need to go to the hospital?" I heard Jasper asking Marcus.
"No, no. I'm good, honestly," he said shooting a teasing look at me before turning back towards Jazz. "He really didn't get that great of a shot in," Marcus chuckled. "Just a misunderstanding. Let's just try and forget about it, ok. Tell him I said, 'No hard feelings and no blood, no foul or something.'"
I whipped around to look at Marcus feeling the anger inside of me rising to the surface. "Are you crazy? He just assaulted you. You didn't deserve that."
"Bella, please. I don't want to start anything. He thought he saw something that wasn't here, and in his own mind he was just trying to fight for his girl. I'm sure he feels awful especially now that he's had a second to calm down. Let's just... Let. It. Go. Do you want another drink? Maybe that would help you relax a little," he said in that all too calm therapist's voice that made me want to smash dishes.
Marcus was Phil's much younger brother. He was actually only seven years older than I was and though I had known him most of my life we had really only started to talk and get to know each other in the past five years. Marcus worked as a clinical psychologist in Sacramento, but his work brought him to Chicago at least once a year for conferences. About five years ago we met up while he was in town and had been fairly close ever since. I introduced him to the Cullens while he was in town for one of his trips and he and Emmett hit it off immediately. From that point on, they kept in contact regularly, especially since they shared many of the same interests. Whenever Marcus came into town, we always made a point for all of us to hang out at least once which usually always guaranteed a great evening but apparently tonight was the complete opposite.
"Fine," I grumbled trying to remain calm. The last person who deserved my wrath right now was Marcus.
He chuckled knowing me all too well and bent down to kiss me on the top of my head. "We're good here, man. Go on and take care of your boy. He probably needs it right about now."
"Call me if you need anything, Bella." Jasper leaned down to kiss my head too. What the hell was it with people kissing me on the head? Are they going to start patting my head like a child receiving praise? I felt like a damn imbecile.
"Just keep Edward away from me. I don't even know how I want to deal with him right now."
Jasper nodded. "Understandably. Whatever you need, darlin'." And then he turned and walked back out the door.
"Why the hell are you being so nice to him? I'm sorry, but did you not just see what happened?" I turned my glare on Marcus.
"Bella, he overreacted. It was completely inappropriate I agree, but come on," he sighed bumping shoulders with me. "You spent the entirety of this evening before you saw him going on and on about how great he was and how happy you were finally. You're in love with him… it's pretty obvious to just about everyone. And even though this is a messy situation at the moment, the bottom line is that it isn't going to change those feelings. You have a right to be angry at him, truly you do. Maybe you can even make him grovel a little before you forgive him," he teased, "but that man is deeply in love with you too. And because he thought that maybe, just for a minute, I was trying to take that all away from him he simply lost it.
"I noticed something though. The love you two have for each other is very different. Where you are peaceful and content; he's on edge and desperate, almost like he's waiting for it all to quickly slip away. You two really need to sit down and talk about your relationship. Whatever you have now is not healthy for either of you." He said this with so much compassion that it was evident he had a great deal of experience with such matters.
That got me thinking about why Edward would be so desperate to begin with? Was he so insecure in this relationship that he would honestly think I was cheating on him? That I was going to leave him? I guess I couldn't blame him for feeling this because I did run from him all those years ago, but I could never do that again. He held my heart completely in the palm of his hands, me leaving him was not even an option. It was bad enough the first time. Forget Edward in the matter, I honestly couldn't do that to myself again. He, on the other hand, was a different story altogether. I mean if anyone was going to be leaving it would be him leaving me when he found out about Mackenzie.
"Hey, you two," Emmett's much too loud voice rang out from somewhere behind me. He fist pumped Marcus telling him it had been too long and then came around to hug me.
"Hey, did you see Edward, B?" Emmett said pulling me slightly to the side. While I appreciated his attempt at couth in the matter it was a little late for that considering the scene that had just played out in here.
"I ran into him literally," he chuckled, "when I was coming in here. He was so... weird. Looked like he had seen a ghost or something. So then I told him to come inside and join us, thinking maybe he'd relax, but I swear to god he looked so sad, like someone just killed his puppy or some shit. And don't go telling me I'm not perceptive because I know what I saw. I realize I don't know him that well, but it looked like he was close to tears. Really, fucking weird. You should call him and check up on him you know, make sure he's okay and all," he stated sympathetically.
Emmett turned back to Marcus trying to act normally, "Sorry I'm so late. I got stuck in some damn wedding meeting with the florist and Rosie. I'm starved and need a drink after listing to that bullshit," he joked rolling his eyes. "They still don't have a table for us?"
"Should be any minute now. So how is Rosalie? She couldn't join us tonight?" Marcus asked. He and Emmett began to converse, but I fell deep into my own thoughts.
I was so angry and confused at Edward's outburst that I couldn't really think straight. I wanted to take Marcus' advice and be as forgiving as he seemed to be, but I just didn't know if I was capable of it. Not yet at least. Edward had really and truly scared the shit out of me which is something that I have never felt before. From the moment he walked up to us at the bar, his posture and demeanor had been so foreign that I barely recognized him. At first I was thrilled to see him, but when I looked at his face I just knew he was not the man that I had gotten to know over the last two months. Nor, was he the beautiful, sweet boy who wrote me love letters all those years ago.
Edward had always had a jealous streak when it came to me. I had seen it with Jacob and I had even seen it somewhat recently with Mike, but never had I seen it like this. Usually my voice or my touch would be enough to calm him down, but today it had only seemed to incite him. He was unwilling to listen to anything I said and every time I opened my mouth it seemed to make him angrier. I had never experienced this version of Edward in my life and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fearful of possibly of witnessing such behavior in the future.
And the violence. Holy hell. What the fuck was that all about? The way he grabbed me so aggressively; I don't think he even understood his own strength. I did everything in my power to stay upright with his force, but in high heels, I just couldn't get my bearings and I ended up stumbling. His voice was so cold as he degraded me there in front of everyone. It was bad enough that he had accused me of fuckingsomeone else, but this was just... ugly and callous. Edward had never, ever spoken to me like that. In fact, I've never even heard him speak to anyone else like that. The cold tone of his voice alone rendered me helpless and completely in shock. Then the next thing I knew, Marcus was falling and Edward was just standing there, staring at his hand. I couldn't help but scream out in horror because the entire situation was morphing into a terrible nightmare. Much to my chagrin, I probably sounded even more like an idiot or the damsel in distress to the people around us. All I could think about was Edward and how the man standing in front of me was a stranger. It was like everything was happening around me and I couldn't move, couldn't react. I felt helpless and defeated.
I looked at Marcus and then at Edward and the tears started to fall. What had happened? How did this escalate to this point? How did we get to this point? Was he drunk? Who was this person? Then Jasper suddenly appeared and was pulling Edward away, and that's when I saw it. I saw the actual shift in his eyes. It was as if the demon had left his body and had been replaced my Edward. He barely croaked out my name, sounding so in pain as he was being dragged away. I stood there like a stone statue, unable to move, because I honestly didn't know whether to run after him or let him go.
Still standing in place, an out of body experience seemed to happened. I could see myself just standing there, looking pathetic while the actions around me continued to run. I tried to focus but everything was so fuzzy, the noises were muffled. It was like one of those bad dreams when you try to move or run, but your legs just don't work. I wanted to panic, to wake up, but I couldn't.
And then someone pushed around me, bumping into me from behind and reality came screaming back in. The noise in my ears escalated to an almost roar and my eyes could focus looking around trying to get my bearings back. Marcus was still on the ground and an overwhelming feeling of guilt took over me as I realized he was just punched while trying to defend me. What made matters worse is that he was defending me from the man who I was supposed to be in love with. The man who had promised to never hurt me again.
And now what? Everything was a damn mess. Edward was probably hurt and confused and I naturally had this sick desire to leave this restaurant and go to him, hold him, soothe him. On the other hand though, I wanted to smack him upside the head. Knock some sense into his tick skull so we could get to the bottom of the catalyst of such an outburst.
Did he really think so little of me? I suppose he should if he knew what I did regarding our past, but he knew nothing about that. He couldn't. If anyone should have been insecure about this relationship it was me. He had cheated on me. He was the one who broke our trust all those years ago, not me.I would never consider doing that to him…ever. Maybe I never really knew Edward quite as well as I thought I did. He had seemingly fooled me twice now. What was that old saying? Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, Shame on me. Well it seemed pretty obvious at this moment that the shame should be on me. It was definitely something I needed some time to contemplate.
