Chapter 15: A Succession of Errors

Song Selections:

"Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails

"The Mess I Made" by Parachute

"Man approaches the unattainable truth through a succession of errors"-Aldous Huxley

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**Bella POV**

I couldn't sleep. My brain was on a continuous loop like a scratched old record getting stuck at the same spot, never moving. I kept replaying the events of earlier tonight over and over. Damn fucking scratched record. I still wasn't able to make up my mind about what I wanted to do about Edward. There was no question that if we were going to even think about continuing this relationship, scenes like tonight could under no circumstances ever happen again. I was mortified and embarrassed beyond all reason. Marcus, the man who I now think should be recommended for sainthood, was nice enough not to bring up the debacle the rest of the night, thus allowing Emmett to stay in the dark. Emmett would have flipped the fuck out had he known everything that went down. I really didn't want to deal with him and I really didn't want to put Edward in the position of having to answer to him either. Looks like once again, I was doing all I could to protect Edward. Wonder how much he'll appreciate it this time? Since he obviously didn't when I tried to protect him from Phil's wrath from breaking his little girl's heart.

I had been lying in bed for over two hours tossing and turning when I decided that I honestly couldn't take it anymore. If I didn't find something to do with my time, I was going to go crazy. Knowing that this wasn't going to help the shit hole of a predicament I was experiencing, I reluctantly pulled myself into a sitting position on the side of the bed and began weighing my options. Talking to someone wasn't really an option at this time. The last thing I needed was to have Alice, Rose or god-forbid, my mother's voice in my head right now. Yeah, ET wasn't going to phone home this time around at all.

Whenever I was stressed there were only two things that seemed to help relax me, running or baking. Being that it was nearly midnight, I concluded that running was probably not the safest approach to take. Sure I could go up to the gym and run on the treadmill, but that always made me feel like a hamster stuck on that stupid-ass wheel. Running and running but never really getting anywhere, which would only serve to increase my level of anxiety even more. Knowing this was the absolute last thing my nervous self needed, it looked like all signs were pointing to baking.

Upon entering my kitchen, the first thing I did was to start digging through my pantry and refrigerator to determine what kind of raw ingredients I even had to work with. It was at this point I was counting my lucky stars that MTV wasn't doing some random Cribs tour of my refrigerator. Because of my schedule lately, I hadn't really had the chance to actually grocery shop. Despite the fact that I love cooking and baking, I absolutely loathe grocery shopping for some unknown reason. I have no idea if it's the multiple choices or the lines or the damn carts that always have a stuck wheel, but whatever the reason I never find it enjoyable. Um yeah, apparently I have issues with this and should look into seeking professional help immediately.

After my inventory and mini "I hate grocery shopping" meltdown, brownies seemed the most probable and delicious option at this time. I started by softening the butter for a few seconds in the microwave because I always found it better to work with after this little step. From here, I added the softened butter, sugar, vanilla and eggs into the stainless steel bowl attached to my Kitchen Aid mixer. God I loved that thing. It was red and shiny and always looked so damn pretty sitting on my counter. For some odd reason tonight I found the motor sound of the electric mixer the most soothing distraction I could ask for. Once these elements were smoothly blended together, I moved on to the smaller bowl where my dry ingredients were waiting for some attention. It was at that moment that I realized something seemed to be missing. I stuck my finger into the batter and tasted it, but couldn't quite figure out what would make the already yummy concoction better. In the words of Emeril Lagasse, the brownies needed something to "kick'em up a notch."

Heading back over to my pantry, I bit my lower lip in contemplation as I surveyed what else I could add to follow Emeril's advice. There were chocolate and peanut butter chips, along with several different candies and mini marshmallows. Honestly, my mind was already so jumbled after the events of the evening that I couldn't make a decision to save my life. I mean, how hard should it be to bake a simple batch of brownies anyway? In order to refrain from having a brownie baking breakdown, I closed my eyes and reached in blindly deciding whatever I pulled out would be the "missing" ingredient. Once my hand firmly grabbed a package, I slowly opened my eyes and immediately shook my head….Andes Mints, figures. Edward was now invading my cooking space too. I guess the saying "you can run but you can't hide" was truer than one would think. I considered putting them back and choosing something different, but as I looked back at the shelves all the other choices appeared bland and just wrong. As always, everything that I did recently seemed to lead me back to Edward.

I reluctantly headed back over to the counter and threw some mints into a freezer bag. The rolling pin helped me take out some frustration as I crushed them into smaller pieces. Oh how I wished I could be crushing Edward himself right now.

"Ugh!" I screamed out loud. "Why can't I fucking forget about him for just one night? Is that too much to ask?"

As upset and embarrassed as I was after what transpired over the evening, I also knew that I wasn't ready to walk away from what I thought we had until I at least gave him the opportunity to explain. I owed him that. I owed myself that and most importantly, I owed us that. Running wasn't really an option either in all honesty, as my problems never seemed to go away anyway, so it was sort of a moot point.

But not yet. I just couldn't sit and look at him right now. If I had to see the look of devastation on his face that was present when Jasper was pulling him out of the restaurant, I knew I would crack. And while I knew I would most likely give in anyway, I figured letting Edward sweat it out a little couldn't hurt.

The jealousy, which had always been uncalled for in my opinion, had once again reared its ugly head. The question in this case, was really what had spurred it on. Things had been going so well for us in the past month or so. Our relationship was progressing slowly, but it was kind of nice since we were just getting to know each other again. Edward had been trying so hard to prove himself to me and the effort was appreciated, especially when he was on the road. It gave me so much more confidence in the longevity of the relationship because each night that he was gone, it was me he came home to, so to speak. It was me he wanted to talk to, me he wanted to tell about his day….me. Not some nameless roadmeat. And despite everything that we had been through, this was always the dream I wanted to come true. It had been hard for me to push back some of my walls and begin to trust in him again, but I had been persevering in that department so far. I really thought we were on the same page, but apparently he did not have that same level of trust in me as I had in him.

Turning my thoughts back towards the task at hand, I finished crushing the mints and then mixed my dry and wet ingredients together, folding the mints in last. After setting the timer on the stove, I quickly coated my baking pan with some non-stick cooking spray, poured my batter into the glass baking dish, and slid it into the oven. What to do for the next thirty-five minutes? I tried flipping on the television but there wasn't anything on that was even remotely interesting, so I turned it back off only minutes later. I strolled over to my floor length windows and stared down towards the city that I loved. From the height of the condo I could see all the way over to the Pier. The lights danced brightly in the night sky and on the ground as they flickered off the sheen of the lake. Once again, my thoughts roamed back to Edward and our wonderful date there last month.

I wanted that feeling again. I wanted the tingles. The carefree, innocence of that night resonated strongly within my heart. It was a time of hope and promise. Fuck, I really wanted that back.Instead, however, I stood here almost numb, confusion floating restlessly in the air around me. Who was to blame for this mess?

I wanted to be able to put it all on Edward. Of course he was the easy target. He had been the one to lose his sense of self and act out in adolescent ways. However, Marcus' words haunted me. He said he could sense Edward was desperate and on edge. The question was why? What more could I have done to reassure him that I was falling for him again, just as he was me. Honestly, was he that blind? Here I was stripping away layer after layer of my armor to let him in. I knew it was going to be a process but he had forced his way in there. And for what at this point? Once again my self-doubt about this was rising. I had to protect myself first and foremost. I didn't want to run, but I also knew that it was possible that we might not be able to get past all our issues. They just weighed too heavily on each of us. Would it be worth bringing them all to light if we were just going to decide that going our own way was better?

The hum of the oven timer startled me out of my thoughts and I headed back to pull the brownies out of the oven. While they cooled I whipped up the frosting and then began cleaning up. While doing this, a vision of Edward when we were back in Forks, smirking and licking the batter from the bowl, came to memory. Even as confused about our relationship as I was, there was no denying how damn cute he always was. I shook my head to rid myself from this trip down memory lane.

Again, I briefly thought about calling Edward when I was frosting the brownies. It would be so much easier to get to the bottom of this mess now and try to ensure myself a decent night's sleep. But as I picked up the phone, I realized that we were both too emotional right now. So, tomorrow it shall be. Tomorrow would be a better time. We would both have clearer thoughts and could sit and discuss this like adults tying to figure out the best place to go from here. Maybe I could offer up the brownies as a peace offering to get things started. It would certainly make Edward more receptive to a long drawn out discussion. That man always was a fool for my baking.

So lost in my own reasoning I hadn't even realized that I started shaving off pieces of the Andes for a decorative top on the frosting. When I finally looked down at the finished product, I gasped. What the hell was I doing? The last thing Edward deserved right now was homemade brownies, especially ones that were his favorite flavor and looked like I spent hours slaving over them. For goodness sake, he should have been making me brownies and I didn't even really like brownies.

The man I saw tonight bared no resemblance to the one I had spent the last month with. He had scared the shit out of me between the frightening look in his eyes, the horrific words he spoke and the physical violence. I never wanted to see that person again. How could I know he wouldn't be showing that side of him on a regular basis?

I stared down at the brownies in disgust and seriously considered just throwing the whole tray into the garbage. But, as the tray hovered over the trash can, I realized that was not the answer. He may not have deserved the brownies, but throwing them away was sort of like an analogy for our relationship. Maybe Edward didn't deserve another chance with me but throwing it all away carelessly without a second thought seemed just as wrong. If I did this, the second chance we had been given would have meant absolutely nothing. Was I ready to walk away from him for good this time? Would my heart or his, for that matter, ever recover?

Damn it all to hell! Sometimes that man made me feel helpless, I swear. He baffled my brain and made me want to pull out my hair, but the bottom line was that somewhere deep inside, I loved every damn second of it. I loved it because I loved him. As simple as it sounds, it was as easy as that. Now, with that being said, I had no fucking idea what that said about me other than I'm obviously some kind of masochist. Why, why, why couldn't this all just be easy for once? Did I not deserve some kind of retribution in my life for everything I'd already gone through?

Sighing, I covered the brownies and turned off the light in the kitchen. I needed to sleep. Nothing worthwhile was coming from all the confusing thoughts running through my head. Once I was back in my bed, I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was one-thirty already. Ugh. I'd have to be up sooner than I would like. Tomorrow we were continuing with interleague play and would be playing our cross-town rivals the White Sox. I drifted off to sleep thinking only of the bragging rights I would love to own after this series.

I was deep in some much needed sleep when an incessant ringing sound finally startled me awake. Reaching blindly for my phone on the nightstand, I felt around but ended up dropping the phone to the ground. Before I could reach for it though, it stopped ringing. Thank the lord! Figuring it was not worth the effort, I left it there and drifted back asleep.

Some time later I heard the offensive ringing once more. Again, I reached for the nightstand not remembering what had happened earlier. I was confused when I couldn't find my Blackberry there, but just as it did the previous time the ringing stopped abruptly.

Almost instantaneously, however, it started again and this time I fully woke up and opened my eyes. I could see the light from the screen shining out from under my bed. Groaning with annoyance that I was going to now have to get out of my warm cocoon to reach it, I sat up and then knelt down on the floor. Of course, I was too late because the phone stopped. I swear if this was Mike Newton drunk dialing me, I was going to have his ass benched for a month. Fucking idiot!

Picking up the phone I scrolled through the missed calls. Five so far. I must have missed the first few in my sleep. Each and every call all from Edward. Newton was one lucky bastard. It was way too late to be dealing with any of this bullshit. What did he expect from me at this hour anyway? I turned my phone on to vibrate and laid back down in bed knowing that answering the phone would only lead to ugly words being said in my aggravation and that was obviously not what we needed right now.

Minutes passed before I felt the phone vibrating against my hand. I popped one eye open and peered at the screen. Edward. Was he clinically insane? Was he trying to work my ever-loving-fucking last nerve? This was certainly not the way to get on my good side. Really, the only thing it was doing was making me more and more frustrated with him. Plus, if he needed to say something he could just as well have left a voice message or a text for that matter. If he was lucky, I might even consider listening to it, but at this point he was really pressing his luck.

I let the phone ring twice more, ignoring it. Internally, I was screaming at him for ruining my night even more. Most likely I would never fall back asleep again tonight. I considered turning the damn thing off, but something kept me from doing so.

Time passed once again and I was just starting to get back to sleep when the phone once again vibrated. Either Edward had a death wish or... shit, what if something was actually wrong? My concern over thinking something might have happened to him forced me to finally answer the phone.

"Hello?" I replied quickly, trying to control the panic in my voice. I couldn't hear any verbal response due to the excessive noise in the background. "Edward, is that you?" I tried again, speaking louder this time.

I heard a throat clear, "Um, I'm sorry is this Bella Swan?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

Nobody had called me Swan in years. Shit, shit, shit. Something was definitely wrong. Please don't let this be the cops, I internally pleaded.

"Yes, this is Bella," I answered somewhat tentatively.

"I'm sorry to call you so late, Hun," the man stated.

Hun? Who the fuck was this? I'm pretty sure cops don't address people as hun on the phone. Who the fuck even calls someone "hun?" I was certainly in no mood to be "hunned" right now. He better start talking and quick.

"This is Allyn, I work down at The Rusty Nail," he continued. "I'm not sure if you've heard of it, we're a little place down on the Loop?"

He seemed to be waiting for some kind of answer, and I was honestly so confused at this point that I apologized and told him I wasn't familiar with it. Yep, my new friend Allyn still had me at "hun" but unlike Jerry McGuire, it wasn't in a good way.

"Oh, well, uh," he continued seeming somewhat disappointed. "I 'spose that's not really important. The reason I'm calling is because I have a patron here that I think you might know. He's really not in any shape to be heading home on his own. I was going to call a cab, but he kept insisting he wouldn't leave without at least talking to you."

I groaned audibly. "So he's not hurt? He's not in any kind of physical danger?" I asked quickly. Really, Edward decided that now was the appropriate time to "reach out and touch someone?"

Allyn laughed from the other end of the line. "No, I 'spose he's not in any physical danger. I just think it might be a good idea for him to not be alone tonight. He seems pretty torn up about something and keeps asking me to call you."

"Look, I'm sure you know who he is, though I appreciate you trying to be discreet. Did you call his agent? Jasper Whitlock should really be the person to handle this. I'm not sure how it would look if I was the one to come down there," I answered tentatively.

There was a bit of a pause on the line, but then I heard him ask if I could hold on for a second. Moments later all the background noise seemed to disappear. "Sorry about that, I thought it might be better if I went somewhere quieter to talk to you. I tried to call this Jasper guy earlier, but he never answered. The thing is we're getting ready to close up and I really don't want him to leave unaccompanied."

"Alright," I exhaled loudly, frustrated yet concerned at the same time. "I'll be down in a few. Can you give me your address?"

After I had written down the address to plug into my car's GPS, I reluctantly started to dress. I would have loved to have gone down there in my pajama pants, but I had no idea if there would be any press there and the last thing I needed was to have pics of myself in my Victoria's Secret pajama set helping an intoxicated Edward out of a bar in the middle of the night. I found some jeans and a hoodie to throw over my tank top and brushed my hair back into a neat ponytail before heading out the door.

This was clearly Jasper's job as Edward's agent. I had never been called to pick up any member of this team in the middle of the night before, though it certainly was not the first time any of them had gotten into some kind of trouble. Dealing with this many guys on a daily basis only made me realize more and more that they are a bunch of children needing to be watched like a hawk every moment of every day. All I could say was thank god they all had agents or wives or girlfriends to deal with their stupid asses. Edward was certainly not giving our public relationship the best first impression to say the least. After the night we'd had I was dreading seeing the newspaper tomorrow morning.

I parked my car as close as humanly possible to the address given and started down the street looking for this place. I finally saw a basement establishment with a colorful sign reading "Rusty Nail" on it. How the hell had Edward even stumbled upon this place? It looked seedy to say the least. I just hoped I wouldn't need a tetanus shot after leaving.

I opened the door to the dimly lit establishment and headed down the stairs towards the bar. A short-statured, balding man looked up from the bar. He glanced quickly back at Edward, who as far as I could see was the only person in the joint, then headed over to greet me.

"You must be Bella. I'm Allyn," he said.

I looked at Edward trying to assess him from across the room and then looked back at the bartender, "Yeah. Hey. Nice to meet you. Is he okay?"

The man grinned up at me, "Yeah, I think so. He's put about ten dollars into the jukebox and has been sitting in the same spot ever since. It's been playing this song for hours. I think it drove out half the other patrons" he chuckled.

I winced listening to Nine Inch Nail's "Hurt" play from the speakers. Jesus, Edward. What have you done?

"Sorry about that," I apologized. Allyn shrugged good-naturedly. I started to walk over to where Edward sat with his head down on the bar and Allyn returned to his previous place watching us. I was never very good at handling situations like this and wasn't particularly fond of having him watching my every move.

I lightly rubbed my hand over Edward's back, not knowing what to say or really what to do. I was irritated to have been put in this situation, but I was also heartbroken over seeing him in this state.

"Mom," he murmured quietly.

I cracked a smile, I honestly couldn't help it. Jesus, how drunk was he? "No, Edward, it's Bella."

"Baby?" he asked, lifting his head from the bar and practically losing his balance on the chair. I threw my arms around his waist and hurried to help right him.

"Whoa, there. You alright?" Once he was seated securely and weakly nodded that he was okay, I removed my arms from around his waist and really looked at him. Christ, he was mess. His hair was sticking up in every direction, his usually beautiful green eyes were blood-shot, glossy, sad and tired, and his entire demeanor simply made him look defeated and broken. How the hell was I supposed to get him home from here on my own? I probably should have called Emmett or Jasper.

His eyes tried to focus on my own, but all they were really doing was bouncing from side to side. After watching his eyes continue their tennis match for a few seconds, he was finally able to focus causing them to light up slightly. "You came," he pronounced in a sense of awe.

I nodded and then quietly affirmed, my eyes never leaving his. "Of course I came, Edward." This man could melt my heart in ways I didn't even realize. In that instant, I realized there was very little I wouldn't do for him, angry or not.

"I really appreciate you coming down. I offered to give him a ride myself, but he refused. He kept stating that he only wanted you," Allyn interrupted almost sadly, staring directly at Edward.

Edward looked slightly uncomfortable and it was all I could do to hide my giggles and my eye roll. I think Bartender Allyn might have a little crush. Then again, who could really blame him? Edward was hands-down, one of the most handsome men ever created, so it would make complete sense for anyone with a pulse to hit on him. I wanted to bust out laughing; however I could see Edward's anxiety over the entire situation growing. He looked back and forth between me and Allyn, then started running his hands through his already chaotic hair. This gesture was only making Bartender Allyn look at him more dreamily, like he wanted him even more and thus repeating the entire cycle. Priceless!

As much as I enjoyed watching Edward squirm, I took pity on him. I stepped back for a second to try and figure out the best way to get him out of here. I really hoped he could walk on his own because Edward was a big guy and carrying him would be impossible to do.

Edward's hands suddenly sprang out from his side grabbing me around the waist and pulling me towards him. "Don't leave me Baby, please. I'll do anything. Just don't leave me again."

His words shocked me to say the least. This was the desperation Marcus was talking about. How did I not notice this before? Whether Edward was begging me in general or whether he thought I might leave him here with the bartender I didn't know, but that desperation was there all the same.

I wrapped my hands around his head and pulled it towards my own. Looking directly into his eyes and hoping he would understand what I was saying to him not just now but as a general statement, I declared, "I'm not leaving you, Edward. Do you hear me? I promise I'm not going anywhere. I'm just trying to figure out how to get you home. Do you think you can walk, because I'm not sure I can hold you up on my own?"

"You're going to bring me home with you?" he questioned shyly looking at me with wide, innocent eyes.

I hadn't really thought about it, but it probably would be easier to take him to my place rather than maneuver around his building. I didn't know his very well at all, so this would make the entire situation even more difficult. "Uh, yeah," I swallowed . "I'm going to bring you back to my place with me. Is that okay?" I was so probably going to regret this all in the morning.

His eyes twinkled at my statement. "I can walk," was all he said as he pushed himself out of the bar stool. It took him a second to balance himself once he stood, but he appeared to be stable…. for the most part.

"Does he need to settle a bill or anything?" I asked Allyn.

Allyn watched as Edward made his way away from the bar and towards the door. "Nah, he's good. Took care of it awhile ago."

I nodded and helped Edward out the door and up the stairs into the cool summer night's air. He only tripped once, which I was grateful for. I kept a hold of his hand the rest of the way to my car hoping he would stay upright and not drag me down with him if he fell over. How the hell he was supposed to play later today?

Once I had him seated and buckled in, I got in the driver's side and sighed in relief. Edward appeared to be watching me with rapt interest. "What?" I asked him, feeling slightly uncomfortable now that we were completely alone. I had seen so many different sides of Edward today it was giving me whiplash, and I honestly didn't know what to think of him right now.

He gave me that crooked grin, which oddly wasn't nearly as cute when he was as drunk as he was. "You're beautiful, Bella. Thank you for coming for me," he hiccuped.

I shook my head in annoyance. Flattery would get him nowhere right now. "You realize we have a game today?" I asked, my voice sharp. He nodded and hiccuped again. He looked like he was about to get sick with all the hiccups. "Don't you dare throw up in here, Edward. I swear I'll make you lick it up." I proclaimed exasperated.

Edward had the audacity to smile at me like I was joking. "I'm not kidding. You will clean every ounce of it up, and then buy me a new car. It's not like I don't pay you enough for that." I glared at him for a moment but then softened slightly. "Just tell me if you think you're going to be sick, so I can pull over, okay?"

"I'm not going to get sick, Bella. I promise" he said practically laughing. "Just take me home."

I looked him over once more, carefully eyeing his complexion to make sure it didn't look green and then started the car and pulled out onto the road. The trip back to my place took about fifteen minutes and was mostly silent. I was debating what to do with him once I got him back to my place. I had no idea where he was going to sleep. The couch was not suitable for him, though he pretty much deserved it. He was too tall and I didn't want him to end up with a neck or backache from sleeping in too small of an area. That pretty much only left my room, and this was not how I envisioned our first night sleeping together to go.

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**Edward's POV**

I couldn't help but stare at her while she drove us back to her home. I could tell she was nervous and slightly agitated. This however gave me some hope. Slightly agitated was more than I could have ever hoped for. Her fingers were gripping the wheel tightly and she was biting on her lower lip, most likely thinking. I wanted to take my fingers and pull that lip back out of her mouth, but I didn't think any quick movements, or my touch for that matter, would go over well right now, especially while she was driving.

She was so beautiful. My whole world. Everything I had ever hoped or wanted sat right there next to me. I hiccuped again and she glanced at me quickly. Fucking hiccups. I had made such a mess of things. I could do nothing but stare at her and see all the mistakes I had made not only today, but in the past. I didn't deserve her. Never had.

I turned my attention towards the window and tried to focus on the night sky. The city had so many lights that I couldn't even make out the stars. It was kind of sad in all actuality, so I sat there in silence. Bella obviously was not ready to talk to me. Not that I could blame her. But sitting in the quietness while I was drunk was never a good thing because I over analyzed and philosophized more than I should have.

I realized that the dark sky was like a metaphor for myself. So full of darkness and surrounded by all this glitter, that sort of canceled out all the light or the good in me. Drinking was a bad idea. It only seemed to bring out the broody, self-loathing part of myself. I hated that part of me. As much as I tried to chase it away or hide it behind some closet door, it always tried to fight its way back out at the most inopportune times.

I stared out that window, wrapped up in my own thoughts for longer than I realized because I didn't feel Bella's eyes on me for some time. I looked over to her realizing we were parked in her garage already. "Edward, are you okay?" she asked, eyes furrowed and obviously concerned.

I continued to stare at her because in that moment, I realized I couldn't lose her again. I didn't know if I could survive it. She was the one thing that made me happy. The only thing at this point. I knew that wasn't healthy or even fair to her, but she had become sort of a lifeline for me in the past month or so. She gave my being a purpose again. She made everything in my life worth it.

"Edward? Jesus, you're scaring me. Are you okay?" she asked again.

The desperate tone of her voice startled me out of my thoughts. "I'm so sorry. Jesus, I'm sorry, Bella. I don't even know what to say or how to make it up to you, or why you would even let me make it up to you, but I just need you to know how very, fucking sorry I am," I pleaded.

"Don't. Not now. I'm tired, Edward and right now, I just want to forget about all this. Tomorrow we can sit down and talk this out if you still want, but please I'm begging you, not now."

She was so obviously drained and miserable. I hate that I had done that to her again. And drunk or not, I knew when it was best not to press my luck. I sighed and nodded to her then opened my door and stepped out slowly. Things may have started spinning a little when I stood up, but I sure as hell was not about to admit that to her, so I closed the door and leaned up against the car.

Bella walked around and looked at me questioningly. I smiled shyly and she bit her lip once again. I was nervous, I'm not going to lie. We hadn't spent the night together yet and this was nowhere near how I had hoped our first night together would go. Me on her couch. Fuck, I'm such an idiot, I swear.

I started to lift my hand to push it through my hair in agitation, when I felt her small hand envelop mine. I slowly dropped my arm staring at our entwined hands. "It's fine," she whispered, obviously reading my mind. "Come upstairs with me."

She squeezed my hand as we slowly made our way up to her floor. I'm sure the slowness was more for my benefit than hers, but I wasn't about to complain. It might be the last chance I ever got to touch her skin.

"Thank you for letting me stay here," I said as I sat down on her sofa, realizing only now how exhausted I really was.

She smiled sadly then left the room only to return a minute or so later with a large glass of water, two aspirin and the biggest damn brownie I had ever laid eyes on. "Maybe we shouldn't make a habit of these type of nights, but that being said...," she drifted off momentarily staring at the floor and chewing on the side of her mouth, "I'm not going to lie, it's really nice having you here. It doesn't feel wrong. Maybe it should, especially with how things are right now, but it doesn't."

She looked back up at me for confirmation. "Yeah, yeah it does," I nodded emphatically. I cleared my throat and thought quickly how I could apologize to her again and make this right.

But before I could speak, Bella interrupted. "Eat. Please. Take those pills, finish that water and eat. I really need you to be functional tomorrow. It will make me much more forgiving tomorrow if you play well," she smiled mischievously. "Plus, I made those damn brownies for you anyway and I just need to see you eat it and enjoy it right now."

I did what she asked. I would do anything she asked, but let's face it; this task was hardly difficult to swallow. Not to mention that fucking brownie ruled my world right about now. Jesus, the woman was too damn good for me.

"Thank you," she whispered sweetly. "I'm exhausted, so let's just go to bed now, okay?"

I nodded in agreement since I was about to fall asleep sitting up in this chocolatey-mint induced coma I was just subjected. "Do you have a blanket or pillow I could borrow? I'm sorry to inconvenience you."

"Edward, I'm not going to let you sleep out here, though you probably deserve it. Just,... just come to bed with me, please?"

I thought briefly how I wish I could have a do-over of this whole day and still end up here right now, so that I didn't feel like this was a pity invite, but I wasn't about to let my girl beg like that so I got up and went with her.

"I'm just going to go change back into my pajamas real quick," she said once we were in her room. "Can you sleep in your boxers? Do you need a t-shirt? Because I probably have one of Emmett's here somewhere."

"I'm fine, Bella," I replied and slowly removed my long-sleeved thermal revealing the grey t-shirt underneath. She stood and stared at me. It was both nerve wracking and wonderful all at the same time.

She cleared her throat after a moment and then walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her. I finished taking off my jeans and shoes and sat on the edge of the bed to wait for her. When she stepped back out in her thin, cotton pajama pants and tank top, my breath caught. I felt like I was seventeen all over again. She was so damn beautiful it hurt. She most definitely was not the same girl I had climbed into bed with all those years ago. Her body had morphed from girl to woman and those curves were about to kill me.

She walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in under the covers. I followed suit. We both turned on our sides and faced one another. I was never going to be able to sleep if things were left like this. We laid there in the dark staring at one another for many long minutes. Suddenly, I heard her sigh and felt the shift as she moved closer towards me. She reached out and entwined our fingers, bringing them between our chests. "I forgive you, Edward. We still have a lot to discuss, but I'm not walking away, okay? Please believe me. I want this just as much as you do. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear to you before, but I really do."

I gripped her hand tighter and had to fight back the tears in my eyes. Thank god, it was dark enough in here that she wouldn't see them. Her forgiveness was more than I could ever ask for. I wanted to kiss her senseless but I held back. Tomorrow maybe. "Thank you, baby. It's obviously more than I deserve and I promise to spend the rest of my life making sure you don't regret this."

She surprised the hell out of me by chuckling. "Don't make ridiculous promises that you can't keep, Edward. Just hold me and let's fall asleep together."

I reached out for her and held her tight against my side, wrapping my arm under her head and around her back. "That I can most definitely promise you," I whispered as I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Both of us falling asleep only moments later.

Teasers for Chapter 15 (or 16 on FFn)

Whenever I was stressed there were only two things that seemed to help relax me, running or baking. Being that it was nearly midnight, I concluded that running was probably not the safest approach to take. Sure I could go up to the gym and run on the treadmill, but that always made me feel like a hamster stuck on that stupid-ass wheel. Running and running but never really getting anywhere, which would only serve to increase my level of anxiety even more. Knowing this was the absolute last thing my nervous self needed, it looked like all signs were pointing to baking. ~ Bella

I reached out for her and held her tight against my side, wrapping my arm under her head and around her back. “That I can most definitely promise you,” I whispered as I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Both of us falling asleep only moments later. ~ Edward

Chapter 14: Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

Song Selections:
Edward's POV:
"Mr. Brightside" by The Killers
"With Me" by Sum 41


Bella's POV:
"In My Place" by Coldplay

---

**Edward's POV**

"So, how are things with you? I feel like I never see you anymore. I thought we'd see each other all the time living in the same city, but honestly I think I might even see you less than before."

Jasper smiled. "Don't I know it. We really should try and make time to get together more often and hell I don't know, maybe even have a guy's night out at least once a month while you're in season."

"Definitely. I kinda miss those days," I agreed.

"So, how are things going with Bella? Y'all have been seeing a lot more of each other in the past few weeks according to Alice."

Of course Alice would keep Jasper informed of mine and Bella's relationship, which I really did appreciate. In all honesty, Alice really has been a godsend for our relationship. Her advice regarding the importance of taking things slow with Bella was vital to hear because without it, I have a feeling that I would have pushed my girl too far and too fast. And this, which I know from past experiences, wouldn't have worked out favorably at all. I guess slow and steady really does win the race, or in my case the girl of my dreams.

I exhaled loudly and could feel a small smile creep onto my face. "Yeah, man. The last month has been really amazing. I mean we're trying to keep it on the down low as much as possible but we spend as much time together as we can despite the constant traveling and all, which fucking sucks by the way. But even though it's borderline impossible being away from her so damn much, I feel like we're starting to get the hang of it and I'm fucking exponentially grateful."

"So are you two officially back together again?" he asked raising his eyebrow ever so slightly. "I mean, I can see why you're keeping it quiet and all though. Who the hell knows how the guys on the team would react to that shit," Jasper added.

"I guess so. We haven't really said one way or the other. It's sort of been bothering me, but I try really hard not to push things with Bella because that technique has never worked with her. Alice sort of recommended letting her take the lead which, to tell you the truth, is frustrating as hell. But it is what it is and she does seem really happy, as am I, so what can you do" I admitted shrugging my shoulders.

Jasper nodded. "I can imagine as it seems like you're sort of in a constant state of limbo. So what, pray tell, is Bella up to tonight? I mean, she has to be up to something for you to finally have time to meet up with me?" he said sarcastically nudging me in the side.

"You're such a chick sometimes, I swear Jazz." He chuckled and shrugged. "If you must know you nosey dick, she's supposed to be meeting up with her uncle and Emmett for dinner."

Pausing to think about what I said, it then popped into my mind that Bella never mentioned Alice joining them, which was weird considering Emmett was joining her.

"Come to think of it, where's Alice at anyways? Why isn't she joining them?" I inquired.

Jazz took a large bite of his steak. "She's in New York meeting with some buyers. She's been trying to see who might be interested in carrying the clothing line she's been working on forever."

"Really?" I asked taking a drink of my scotch. "She's thinking about leaving Bloomingdale's?"

"It's always been her dream to have her own boutique and her own clothing line. She's been working night and day trying to perfect everything for this meeting. Hopefully it goes well. I haven't heard from her yet today, but the buyers she met up with yesterday were concerned over some fabric choice or something. I don't really understand it all. Instead I just listen and nod when she tells me and pretend that I get it," he replied.

I smirked. "Yeah, I guess fashion never really was your forté. Though I have to admit, it's improved dramatically since you started dating Ali. That's probably because she never lets you pick out anything on your own."

"Real funny Edward," Jasper replied sarcastically.

I laughed. "It wasn't really supposed to be funny. I was just stating the facts because you know you're fashion sense sucks."

"Well not all of us have had personal fucking shoppers since we were twenty-one. By the way, get off your fucking high horse and stop acting like you are so much better. You'd have no sense either, if you didn't obsessively pay attention to what they were buying you," he said pushing his empty plate away from him. "Dinner's on you by the way," he smiled mischievously.

"Fucker. You know, you're my agent. Aren't you supposed to take me out and wine and dine me and kiss my ass, since I'm the one supplying you with a paycheck?"

"You mean that measly amount of commission I get for helping you sign multi-million dollar contracts? Please, you wouldn't even have the contract if it wasn't for me?" he jostled. "And anyway, I wasn't aware that we were out on a business affair. I thought we were friends, Edward. I'm hurt," he responded bringing his hand to his heart.

I shook my head chuckled. "Always with the dramatics, Jazz. Fine you win you big fucking baby; I'll pay. Are you happy now?" I pulled my money clip out of pocket and placed my Am Ex card down over top of the bill for the waiter to pick up. "You've always been such a cheap motherfucker. Some things never change, I guess."

Just then the waiter appeared and took the bill. Jasper smiled widely, nodding his head. "Works like a charm every time," he bragged. I can't believe you continue fall for my dramatics, as you say."

I snorted and shook my head. How Alice put up with him sometimes I'll never know. When the waiter returned with the bill, I signed his copy leaving a generous tip and started to put my card back in my pocket.

"Oh, hey. Give me a few minutes, will ya?" Jasper exclaimed excitedly. I looked at him in confusion wondering what the hell he instantly became so excited over. "Dustin Ackley is here. I don't have a clue as to why this kid is here in town but he'll be drafted this year."

"Okay," I shrugged, not really understanding the significance.

"Sorry. It's just that I've heard through the grapevine that he might be interested in ditching Boras since so many teams are trying to avoid dealing with him anymore. The kids are worried about dropping lower in the draft after last year's debacle which means that I might have a chance to sign him. Let me just field him out quickly and see if I can figure out what's going on. Maybe I can entice him to meet with me for a free meal," he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "I see how it is asshole. I'm not worthy of your free meal, but he is? I'm honestly hurt Jasper," I said reenacting his dramatics from earlier in the meal and clenched my hands around my heart.

He smiled, then stood up and slapped me on the back. "Oh cut the bullshit my friend and suck it up. If you can believe it, my entire world doesn't revolve around you. I'll meet you outside in a few, man."

I chuckled to myself and got up from the table. As I was walking down the few stairs leading past the bar and to the front door, a woman sitting at the bar caught my eye. Her long legs were crossed and she was leaning into the man next to her so that she could hear him better. She had long brown hair that tumbled dramatically over her shoulder and my thoughts immediately drifted towards Bella.

I smiled softly thinking about my beautiful girl. We were supposed to be having dinner tonight, but she called me a few days ago in a panic and explained that her uncle wanted to take her and Emmett out for dinner. She apologized profusely for breaking our plans, but it really was no big deal especially because it was her uncle for crying out loud. I still wanted her to have her independence. It was one of the things that most amazed me about the woman she had become over the years. Her confidence, charm and wit were some of her most attractive features. I mean, I was always aware of these qualities but it was great to see that she finally realized them as well.

Our last month together had been pretty much perfect despite the fact that we still hadn't really defined our relationship. We spent as much time together as was humanly possible for two people in our position. We were still only trying to reconnect and get to know each other again. Our pasts were still on hold at the moment, though I was beginning to feel that maybe we could slowly start bringing some of that stuff up again. I figured we could start slow. Maybe touching on college or our families first, and then working our way into the more heavy stuff.

I must be a complete fucking masochist, but I had to admit I was more than a little interested in her time with Jake. I didn't want to hate him, but damn was it hard. That asshole had gotten to live out practically every one of my fantasies with her- something I was still trying to come to grips with. Even though his time with her was short, he had been able to experience so many firsts with her. Marriage, honeymoon, traveling- all those things should have been ours to do together. Jesus, I hated myself for fucking this up the first time through. Thank goodness Bella seemed to be willing to give me a second chance. I'm not sure what I did to earn this type of redemption, but believe me I was eternally grateful.

Shaking my head from my thoughts, I strolled into the men's room to relieve myself figuring I had more than enough time to spare while I waited for Jasper. After washing my hands, I headed back out past the bar and couldn't help but glance at the woman again. There was just something about her that drew my eyes to her involuntarily, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. I silently cursed myself for even thinking about looking at this woman. I was so incredibly happy with Bella and I just couldn't decipher what it was that continually caused me to glance at her.

Just as my internal cursing was coming to an end; I saw the woman throw her head back and heard her laugh. It was this sound that caused my eyes to widen in horror. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Me.What the fuck? It couldn't be her, could it?

I'd recognize that laugh anywhere. I dreamed of that laugh. I spent the last ten years thinking about that magical sound and the way it would immediately bring a smile to my face. I watched in shock as she casually pushed the man's shoulder teasing him and wouldn't you know that the bastard laughed back at her. She made him smile. Him! As if it couldn't get any worse, her beautiful brown eyes sparkled as she gazed back at the man. Just looking at her it was plain as day that she was truly happy, there was no mistaking that.

And this man... well he was certainly not Carlisle. He was probably in his mid-thirties, about my height with naturally curly, light brown hair. His eyes were crystal blue and his dimples rivaled Emmett's when he smiled. There was no doubt that the two of them shared a very comfortable bond, as evident from the scene unfolding right before my eyes. Clearly this was not someone she had just met and I didn't like it one fucking bit.

Stuck in an enraged daze, I walked towards her even though I didn't have any fucking clue what I was even doing or going to say. A mantra was running on a constant loop through my brain, like a motherfucking awful Justin Bieber song stuck on repeat not allowing me to think of anything else. She lied to you. She lied to you. How could I have been so easily deceived? No wonder she was in no hurry to define what we were to each other; she was already involved with someone else. Goddamn it! All the nights I had been desperately trying to prove my faithfulness to her working like hell to show her I wouldn't fuck this up, but in reality I wasn't the one who was going to destroy us this time around.. she was.

I walked with determination over towards where they sat still having no idea what the hell I was really doing. Somewhere deep in my brain, a little voice told me I should walk away until I was calmer because Bella couldn't and wouldn't lie to me. The sad thing was though, that my tiny voice of reason was so quiet and that stupid mantra running through my head was practically screaming at me. I was giving her everything I had and she was just throwing it away. Did she think I was some little puppet on a string that she could manipulate on her own free will? Hell no! There was no way I was going to let her get away with this shit. She was going to tell me to my face that what we had was nothing to her. I wasn't going to give up on her or allow her to give up on us without a fucking fight.

My nostrils were flared as I tried to calm my breaths. I came to a stop just behind the man that was supposed to be her uncle. Uncle my ass. Who's uncle looks like that? Just then, Bella glanced over her shoulder and her eyes flashed up to my face. At first it seemed as if she was starting to smile, but then her jaw instantly dropped and I could see fear creep into her eyes. Yeah, I had definitely caught her.

"E... Edward. Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked nervously.

"I could ask you the same question. Especially since this is not what you told me you were up to a few days ago," I replied harshly.

Bella swallowed and then licked her lips. Obviously she suddenly was overcome with a case of dry mouth. "Look, Edward, please calm down. It's not what you think," she said quickly, glancing back and forth between the man and me like she was watching a tennis match at Wimbledon. "This is Marcus. He's my..."

"You think I give a flying fuck who this is, Bella? Do you really think I want to meet the man that you're fucking behind my back?" I asked loudly.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes popped wide. Bella stood abruptly, angling herself between me and the other man. "Edward, you're making a scene." She reached out trying to touch my arms while she spoke. "Please, just calm down and let me explain," she pleaded quietly in a restrained voice. All the while attempting to sooth me by rubbing her small hands up and down my arms.

That shit was not going to work this time. In fact, it pissed me off even more that she was even trying it right now. I shook myself free of her normally calming hands. "I don't need your fucking explanations, Bella. I think it's pretty obvious what the hell is going on here," I continued raising my voice even louder. At this point I noticed other patrons in the bar were beginning to witness the scene I was making, but I really couldn't focus on any of them and honestly didn't give a shit what they thought anyway.

"Look man, just relax for a second and let her talk," Marcus interrupted.

I glared at him over Bella's head so strongly that I could feel the hatred radiating off me in spades which caused my hands to form into fists at my sides. "You," I spat at him leaning over Bella, so close I could feel his breath, "you don't fucking talk. I don't need your opinions on this matter. This is between me and her. Just stay the fuck out of it."

I turned my attention back towards Bella and all I could see was the confusion and utter terror written all over her troubled face. Unable to stop myself, I grabbed at her hand, trying to pull her towards me and out of the restaurant. I couldn't really focus in here at all. My damn head was spinning and I was literally seeing red. Maybe some fresh air would allow me to start breathing normally again. She stumbled forward; tripping over her own feet and practically fell into my chest.

"Oh for the love of God, Bella. Will you ever learn how to fucking walk?" I asked coldly, righting her on her feet. The statement even surprised my own ears as I could barely recognize the voice I was speaking in. It was like I was possessed or something. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed I could be so cold to this girl.

Apparently having enough, Marcus stepped in and pushed me backwards. "Cut it out, man. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you will not speak to her like that."

Before I could even register what I was doing, I felt the force of my fist making contact with his jaw. This is when the world started to spiral out of control. In what seemed like the distance, I could hear Bella screaming. And then, all of a sudden, I felt as if someone was pulling me away from behind. All the while I was in shock, simply staring at my fist wondering what the fuck just happened? I raised my eyes and they darted quickly over to Bella. She was staring at me, tears quickly rushing down her pale cheeks. The look in her eyes was one I had never seen from her before. It was vacant and detached, yet full of sorrow and heartbreak. It was a look that I never wanted to see from her, let alone be the cause of, but it was this single look that began to shake me out of my hazy state.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What had I done? Shit, did I hurt her? "No," I said trying to fight my way back towards her. "Bella," I gasped as the grip on the back of my hair tightened.

Then, in a matter of mere milliseconds, the cool breeze from outside hit me with force and I slumped against the wall like a ton of bricks. Once on the cold pavement, I began the task of attempting to focus and piece the last few minutes together in my head so I could determine what the hell just transpired.

"What the fuck, Edward? What the hell was that? Are you out of your motherfucking mind? Jesus fucking Christ," I heard Jasper's voice speaking in a normal decibel but with a harsh tone. "This is going to be a press nightmare you asshole. Do you hear me, a fucking nightmare! And are you kidding me with screaming at your boss in a public place about who the fuck she's fucking? Have you lost your damn mind? Oh hell….and let's not forget about you assaulting that man- that could have been a business associate for all you know. Jesus!" he continued to rant, all the while pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.

"I don't know. I don't know what just happened, Jazz. I saw her there with him and I just…I just lost it. I couldn't think. I don't even know what happened. It's a blur, like I wasn't even there." I tried to explain but I couldn't find the words to do so.

"Well believe me, you were fucking there." He spoke a little louder. "Fuck me! Just get your ass in the car. Let me see if I can go in and talk to her, make sure the guy you seem to be best friends with now is alright and make sure they haven't already called the cops. Shit!"

I was staring at my hand, looking at it as if it was going to magically tell me all the answers or something. I began to open and close it, feeling the tightness and soreness that had already set in hoping like hell I didn't fuck it up. "Go Edward, now. Get in the fucking car and wait there. Do you hear me?" I raised my eyes to look at him not really appreciating being talked to like a child. But when I saw the anger and panic flashing there, I couldn't find the will to argue with him. Well I had certainly made a mess of this night hadn't I? I pushed off the wall and started to walk towards the lot. I then turned to see Jasper heading back inside and could do nothing but shake my head and sigh.

With my head down, I continued walking towards the car and turned the corner around a large black SUV. Obviously I wasn't focused on where I was going because after a few steps I ran straight into a large boulder of a man.

"Masen? What the hell man, you gotta look where you're walking. I can't have my star player getting hurt because he's not perceptive while he's walking," I heard a loud, booming voice chuckle.

My head immediately snapped up and I stared at Emmett in disbelief mainly because he was here. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's freaking me out man. You look confused or some shit. Didn't Bella tell you we were meeting here for dinner tonight?"

I continued to stare at him like a complete fucking moron, as my voice seemed to have been lost permanently at this point. Emmett gave me an odd look. "Are you joining us? Bella didn't mention it earlier, but this is probably for the best. Better for you two to be seen in public with a group then alone. Where you already inside? Did you see her? She's supposed to be waiting at the bar with Phil's brother, Marcus," he said putting his arm around my shoulder to steer me back towards the restaurant. Emmett continued rambling, "That dude is so awesome. We have the best time when he comes into town. You're really going to like him."

My eyes widened at his statement. Shit, shit, shit. It was her uncle. She wasn't lying. I didn't even let her explain. Fuck me!

I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was about to hyperventilate. I pushed away from him without a word and turned and headed back towards my car. Crawling into the passenger side, I knew there was no way in hell I was capable of driving at this point. Emmett stared at me with furrowed brows but I quickly dropped my head, only looking back up when I heard Jasper greet him somewhat awkwardly. They made brief conversation and a few moments later they both looked back over towards me. I didn't give two shits what they were saying at this point. Emmett would probably come over here and beat my ass to a pulp, but I couldn't even react. There was no doubt that I deserved every bit of that beat down.

Surprisingly, Emmett headed towards the restaurant, without another glance. Jasper sat down in the driver's seat, snatching the keys out of my hand and started the car. We drove in complete silence for several minutes until he finally decided to speak. "You'll be happy to know that he's not pressing charges" he said seeming somewhat relieved.

At that minute, being arrested was the least of my worries. I was well aware that I had lost my chance with Bella and that she'd never forgive me. Why would she? How could she? It's not as if I didn't know her feelings on this type behavior. My jealousy had been a source of contempt for us in the past and this completely unreasonable and childish outburst was sure to end all things between us for good.

Jasper drove back to my place, parked my car in the designated spot and turned to face me. "Pull your shit together and get inside. Please don't bother Bella tonight. I'm begging you. Just give her some time to calm down. I think both of you need to do that. Please, just do this one thing for me Edward," he begged.

I picked up the keys dangling from his finger and nodded before heading back inside. I plopped myself down on the couch, my head hitting its back roughly, and I closed my eyes. All the varying degrees of emotions that had played out such a short time ago completely exhausted me. At the moment I felt almost numb, as if my brain was actually devoid of any thought process what so ever. I have no idea how long I sat like that, sitting in a state of utter blankness, but I was startled back into reality when my phone started ringing. I reached for it, not even looking at the caller ID. "Bella?' I asked exasperated into the receiver.

"Good evening sir, I'm calling from Carnival Cruise line to let you know that you have been selected to receive a three day, four..."

I hung up. The emotion suddenly hitting me in the face with hurricane force winds made me realize that she was never going to call me again. I acted irrationally- jumping to conclusions too quickly and believing the worst about her. This was honestly insane, by the way, because I knew she loved me even if we hadn't quite gotten to the point of admitting those words to each other just yet. This is what made the entire situation even worse. All this time I had been trying to show how devoted I am to her and us, but in one stupid moment I erased my efforts and transformed into the worst version of myself. I let my face drop into my hands where I literally started sobbing like a baby. The anguish over what I had just done was overwhelming me and I couldn't seem to get a hold of myself. Losing Bella once was terrible enough but I knew if I lost her again, which really would be forever this time, I would never recover.

Despite the night's events, there was no way in hell I was ready to let her or us go. I loved my beautiful girl with such a passion it was probably unhealthy at times. But the fact of the matter remained and I was absolutely nothing without her. She made me whole and I honestly didn't know if I'd survive another heartbreak from her. I wasn't that fucking stupid to not realize that I once again had destroyed my life all on my own. It seemed to be something I was very capable of doing every time a little happiness washed up into it…especially if it had something to do with Bella. I made more mistakes with her than I had in my entire fucking life. Most of these were things that I couldn't take back and most of them were the things that had destroyed us so many years ago.

I could apologize to her forever, in every damn language and way possible, but I honestly didn't think she'd even hear me. I couldn't blame her for not forgiving me because I had been such an asshole. Fuck that, I was worse than an asshole, but I couldn't think of a name for someone like that at the moment. The look on her face as I was being pulled away said it all. She was genuinely scared of me. I was the worst kind of evil in her sad eyes. I was a monster. I had scared her and I would gladly do anything to go back in time and erase that look from her face. I would beg and plead and enslave myself for her if it would take her fear and sadness away. I'd give her my life, my heart, my soul if it would show how completely and utterly devoted I was to her. I promised myself that I would never hurt her again, but I had just carelessly broken that promise.

---

**Bella POV**

"Marcus, Oh my god, are you alright?" I gasped bending down to make sure he wasn't hurt.

He rubbed his jaw soothingly as people around us were in a full flurry of motion. A man reached down to help pull him back up towards his feet while a bartender rushed over with a baggie full of ice and clean towel. "I'm fine. It's okay. Thank you," he smiled to the man that had helped him and at the bartender.

"Do you want me to call the police?" the bartender questioned.

"No, no. That's not necessary. Really... I'm fine. Thank you again," he spoke calmly and sincerely before looking back at me. "Are you okay?"

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into him. I'm so embarrassed right now," I cried suddenly.
He reached his arm out and pulled me into his chest trying to comfort me. "Shh... shhh... Bella. It's okay. I'm fine. Don't be embarrassed. Everything is fine."

"Stop saying 'fine'. Fine is not okay. Fine is not good. Fine is what you say when you are trying to placate someone. Just stop saying fine and tell me the truth," I screeched.

"Bella?" I heard Jasper's quiet voice and looked over at him. My eyes overflowed once again with tears and I threw myself into his arms.

He held me tightly, rocking me back and forth reminding me of something Edward used to do for me when I was upset. Thinking of him caused me an immense amount of confusion. On one hand, the mere mention of his name made the fury inside me start to build; but on the other the only thing I wanted to do was find solace in his embrace.

"What the hell was wrong with him, Jasper? I've never seen him like that before," I questioned him through teary eyes. "I was so scared and he was like a fucking maniac…like he was someone else. And do you know that he wouldn't let me talk? He just kept ranting, and I kept trying to explain, and then the next thing I know he's yelling at me for not being able to walk, and then Boom! Marcus is on the ground. It all happened so fast that I couldn't even process it all," I rambled on and on.

"I know, Bella. I know. Are you hurt darlin'?" he questioned still attempting to sooth me.

I shook my head no against his chest. I then felt him sigh before he continued. "I don't know what happened. I only caught half the conversation, but when I saw the look in his eyes after he yelled at you for tripping, I thought he was calming down. He looked so remorseful for the way he was speaking to you that I thought I'd give him a second to try and rectify this situation on his own. Edward has never been a violent person, so that wasn't even something I thought I had to worry about. And then suddenly I heard the crack of his fist making contact with Marcus and I knew I was too late. I'm so sorry darlin', so sorry. I should have tried to do something sooner. He was so calm and happy at dinner. I barely recognized him myself," he explained trying to comfort me and sounding a tad regretful for not getting to us sooner.

"I'm sorry, man. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need to go to the hospital?" I heard Jasper asking Marcus.

"No, no. I'm good, honestly," he said shooting a teasing look at me before turning back towards Jazz. "He really didn't get that great of a shot in," Marcus chuckled. "Just a misunderstanding. Let's just try and forget about it, ok. Tell him I said, 'No hard feelings and no blood, no foul or something.'"

I whipped around to look at Marcus feeling the anger inside of me rising to the surface. "Are you crazy? He just assaulted you. You didn't deserve that."

"Bella, please. I don't want to start anything. He thought he saw something that wasn't here, and in his own mind he was just trying to fight for his girl. I'm sure he feels awful especially now that he's had a second to calm down. Let's just... Let. It. Go. Do you want another drink? Maybe that would help you relax a little," he said in that all too calm therapist's voice that made me want to smash dishes.

Marcus was Phil's much younger brother. He was actually only seven years older than I was and though I had known him most of my life we had really only started to talk and get to know each other in the past five years. Marcus worked as a clinical psychologist in Sacramento, but his work brought him to Chicago at least once a year for conferences. About five years ago we met up while he was in town and had been fairly close ever since. I introduced him to the Cullens while he was in town for one of his trips and he and Emmett hit it off immediately. From that point on, they kept in contact regularly, especially since they shared many of the same interests. Whenever Marcus came into town, we always made a point for all of us to hang out at least once which usually always guaranteed a great evening but apparently tonight was the complete opposite.

"Fine," I grumbled trying to remain calm. The last person who deserved my wrath right now was Marcus.
He chuckled knowing me all too well and bent down to kiss me on the top of my head. "We're good here, man. Go on and take care of your boy. He probably needs it right about now."

"Call me if you need anything, Bella." Jasper leaned down to kiss my head too. What the hell was it with people kissing me on the head? Are they going to start patting my head like a child receiving praise? I felt like a damn imbecile.

"Just keep Edward away from me. I don't even know how I want to deal with him right now."
Jasper nodded. "Understandably. Whatever you need, darlin'." And then he turned and walked back out the door.

"Why the hell are you being so nice to him? I'm sorry, but did you not just see what happened?" I turned my glare on Marcus.

"Bella, he overreacted. It was completely inappropriate I agree, but come on," he sighed bumping shoulders with me. "You spent the entirety of this evening before you saw him going on and on about how great he was and how happy you were finally. You're in love with him… it's pretty obvious to just about everyone. And even though this is a messy situation at the moment, the bottom line is that it isn't going to change those feelings. You have a right to be angry at him, truly you do. Maybe you can even make him grovel a little before you forgive him," he teased, "but that man is deeply in love with you too. And because he thought that maybe, just for a minute, I was trying to take that all away from him he simply lost it.

"I noticed something though. The love you two have for each other is very different. Where you are peaceful and content; he's on edge and desperate, almost like he's waiting for it all to quickly slip away. You two really need to sit down and talk about your relationship. Whatever you have now is not healthy for either of you." He said this with so much compassion that it was evident he had a great deal of experience with such matters.

That got me thinking about why Edward would be so desperate to begin with? Was he so insecure in this relationship that he would honestly think I was cheating on him? That I was going to leave him? I guess I couldn't blame him for feeling this because I did run from him all those years ago, but I could never do that again. He held my heart completely in the palm of his hands, me leaving him was not even an option. It was bad enough the first time. Forget Edward in the matter, I honestly couldn't do that to myself again. He, on the other hand, was a different story altogether. I mean if anyone was going to be leaving it would be him leaving me when he found out about Mackenzie.

"Hey, you two," Emmett's much too loud voice rang out from somewhere behind me. He fist pumped Marcus telling him it had been too long and then came around to hug me.

"Hey, did you see Edward, B?" Emmett said pulling me slightly to the side. While I appreciated his attempt at couth in the matter it was a little late for that considering the scene that had just played out in here.
"I ran into him literally," he chuckled, "when I was coming in here. He was so... weird. Looked like he had seen a ghost or something. So then I told him to come inside and join us, thinking maybe he'd relax, but I swear to god he looked so sad, like someone just killed his puppy or some shit. And don't go telling me I'm not perceptive because I know what I saw. I realize I don't know him that well, but it looked like he was close to tears. Really, fucking weird. You should call him and check up on him you know, make sure he's okay and all," he stated sympathetically.

Emmett turned back to Marcus trying to act normally, "Sorry I'm so late. I got stuck in some damn wedding meeting with the florist and Rosie. I'm starved and need a drink after listing to that bullshit," he joked rolling his eyes. "They still don't have a table for us?"

"Should be any minute now. So how is Rosalie? She couldn't join us tonight?" Marcus asked. He and Emmett began to converse, but I fell deep into my own thoughts.

I was so angry and confused at Edward's outburst that I couldn't really think straight. I wanted to take Marcus' advice and be as forgiving as he seemed to be, but I just didn't know if I was capable of it. Not yet at least. Edward had really and truly scared the shit out of me which is something that I have never felt before. From the moment he walked up to us at the bar, his posture and demeanor had been so foreign that I barely recognized him. At first I was thrilled to see him, but when I looked at his face I just knew he was not the man that I had gotten to know over the last two months. Nor, was he the beautiful, sweet boy who wrote me love letters all those years ago.

Edward had always had a jealous streak when it came to me. I had seen it with Jacob and I had even seen it somewhat recently with Mike, but never had I seen it like this. Usually my voice or my touch would be enough to calm him down, but today it had only seemed to incite him. He was unwilling to listen to anything I said and every time I opened my mouth it seemed to make him angrier. I had never experienced this version of Edward in my life and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fearful of possibly of witnessing such behavior in the future.
And the violence. Holy hell. What the fuck was that all about? The way he grabbed me so aggressively; I don't think he even understood his own strength. I did everything in my power to stay upright with his force, but in high heels, I just couldn't get my bearings and I ended up stumbling. His voice was so cold as he degraded me there in front of everyone. It was bad enough that he had accused me of fuckingsomeone else, but this was just... ugly and callous. Edward had never, ever spoken to me like that. In fact, I've never even heard him speak to anyone else like that. The cold tone of his voice alone rendered me helpless and completely in shock. Then the next thing I knew, Marcus was falling and Edward was just standing there, staring at his hand. I couldn't help but scream out in horror because the entire situation was morphing into a terrible nightmare. Much to my chagrin, I probably sounded even more like an idiot or the damsel in distress to the people around us. All I could think about was Edward and how the man standing in front of me was a stranger. It was like everything was happening around me and I couldn't move, couldn't react. I felt helpless and defeated.
I looked at Marcus and then at Edward and the tears started to fall. What had happened? How did this escalate to this point? How did we get to this point? Was he drunk? Who was this person? Then Jasper suddenly appeared and was pulling Edward away, and that's when I saw it. I saw the actual shift in his eyes. It was as if the demon had left his body and had been replaced my Edward. He barely croaked out my name, sounding so in pain as he was being dragged away. I stood there like a stone statue, unable to move, because I honestly didn't know whether to run after him or let him go.

Still standing in place, an out of body experience seemed to happened. I could see myself just standing there, looking pathetic while the actions around me continued to run. I tried to focus but everything was so fuzzy, the noises were muffled. It was like one of those bad dreams when you try to move or run, but your legs just don't work. I wanted to panic, to wake up, but I couldn't.

And then someone pushed around me, bumping into me from behind and reality came screaming back in. The noise in my ears escalated to an almost roar and my eyes could focus looking around trying to get my bearings back. Marcus was still on the ground and an overwhelming feeling of guilt took over me as I realized he was just punched while trying to defend me. What made matters worse is that he was defending me from the man who I was supposed to be in love with. The man who had promised to never hurt me again.

And now what? Everything was a damn mess. Edward was probably hurt and confused and I naturally had this sick desire to leave this restaurant and go to him, hold him, soothe him. On the other hand though, I wanted to smack him upside the head. Knock some sense into his tick skull so we could get to the bottom of the catalyst of such an outburst.

Did he really think so little of me? I suppose he should if he knew what I did regarding our past, but he knew nothing about that. He couldn't. If anyone should have been insecure about this relationship it was me. He had cheated on me. He was the one who broke our trust all those years ago, not me.I would never consider doing that to him…ever. Maybe I never really knew Edward quite as well as I thought I did. He had seemingly fooled me twice now. What was that old saying? Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, Shame on me. Well it seemed pretty obvious at this moment that the shame should be on me. It was definitely something I needed some time to contemplate.