Song Selections:
For Bella's POV:
“Fall to Pieces” by Avril Lavigne
“Don't Speak” by No Doubt
For Edward's POV:
“Maneater” by Nelly Furtado
“Shots” by LMFAO and Lil' Jon
“Right Now (Na Na Na)” by Akon
**Bella POV**
“Edward Masen? I'm Isabella Black. Welcome to the Chicago Cubs organization. We all hope you will be happy here and do good things for our team.”
Are you kidding me? That’s the best I could come up with after ten years? What the hell is wrong with me?
What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you even asking that question? Sigmund Freud himself couldn’t get to the bottom of your god dammed issues. Fuck!
The entire trip up to my office was a complete haze, as I couldn’t even wrap my clusterfucked mind around what just happened. In all honesty, I didn’t even know how I got up to my office, because from the moment I laid eyes on Edward the world as I knew it completely stopped. The Earth was no longer rotating and it was all I could do to even breathe. All I knew was that the little thirty second conversation I had with Edward, was so far from how I envisioned the moment going in my mind it wasn’t even funny.
Could I have been any more of an indifferent bitch? Well… there is no need to answer that question because I knew the answer was no. In fact, I have been a bitch, indirectly of course, to him for the past few months. From the moment the name Edward Masen waltzed back into my life, I had quickly felt the walls I had carefully crafted around myself crumble little by little.
The person that I am today is definitely not the same shy girl everyone knew back in Forks. While the roots are still there, the woman I am now is more than a tad jaded by life. Although I had everything anyone could possibly ask for and then some, it all meant nothing in the end because there was no one to share it with. When I had a bad day, which was all too frequent lately, the only person I had to come home to was myself. Until recently, I never wanted to realize how utterly lonely I had become, because the wall I built around myself shielded me from reality. I thought that the harder I worked, the better I would feel. Although this stupid theory produced an instantaneous feeling of satisfaction, the natural high quickly deflated when I had no one to share it with. So, what did I do when this feeling struck me you ask? Well, I’ll fucking tell you. I would simply work harder. Genius, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought but the past five months had forced me to remove my blinders and truly examine who I was today. Unfortunately, what I saw I didn’t like. Instead of my accomplishments, I saw my failures. Instead of my strengths, I saw my weaknesses. Instead of my happiness, I saw nothing, because every ounce of pure joy I got out of life vanished the moment I saw Edward with Lauren.
Although I didn’t even recognize myself as a person, my heart always knew how deep my love and overall existence was connected to Edward. From the moment I met him, my life was forever altered. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, he loved me. It never made any sense for him to love little old average me, but for whatever reason he did. The crazy thing about us is that I was totally in love with him from the moment I saw him. It was odd, but it always felt like we were destined to be together or something. Crazy? For sure, but I guess that is what always made me so sure about wanting him to be my forever.
I guess however, this wasn’t the plan because I have spent the past ten years in my shell of a life running, no scratch that...fucking sprinting, as far away from Edward as I possibly could. For awhile, this little plan was working pretty well. But, I guess the powers that be wanted to play the “let’s fuck with Bella” game, because from the moment Emmett mentioned picking up his free agency, I have been in a complete tailspin. My life, lately, has totally resembled the crashing and burning of a ten year old’s toy airplane. Pathetic you say? Please don’t remind me.
“And I don’t want to fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you… I don’t want to talk about it, ‘cause I’m in love with you.” Apparently, my life had turned into the lyrics of a damn Avril Lavigne song because this is exactly what I had been feeling for the past few months... well, the past five to be exact. While I can’t forget our history and the mistakes we had both made, there was no denying that I was still in love with Edward. I was in love with him from the moment I first gazed into his beautiful emerald green eyes and I was still in love with him today. If nothing else, the absolutely disastrous conversation we had in the locker room only confirmed that, but from the tone of my voice, I am positive that was not how I came across.
Holy shit, Bella! Alice told you that he was still in love with you and you are ridiculously in love with him, so… why the hell can’t you get out of your own damn way and act like an actual human being for once? Ever thought of that? God, you are such a pain in the ass!!
A pain in the ass? A pain in the ass? That was one of the greatest understatements of the year. Of course I knew that I could be a pain in the ass, my friends and family told me that on a weekly basis. Chuckling out loud, I remembered that once during my unruly teen years, my mother even told me that, and I quote, “if you're going to be a pain in the ass, at least have a fine ass to back it up.” Which now, thanks to my endless hours of running to help manage my stress, mine was as fucking perfect as Jessica Biel's, so thank you very much, Renee. However, just because I loved Edward it didn’t erase what happened between us. If he hadn’t slept with that bitchy whore Lauren, the past ten years of my life could have been different. They could have been exactly as they were destined to be… perfect. But guess what? My life hadn’t been fucking perfect, far from it actually. So yeah, maybe I was a woman scorned, but I had that one fucking, stupid night, possibly the worst night in the history of the world, to thank for that. So, thanks!
As I sat at the thick mahogany desk in my office waiting for my meeting with Edward, a barrage of emotions flooded over me all at once. I was angry, so fucking angry at the years we had lost, sickened with myself and the person I had become, and pissed at Edward for sleeping with Lauren and walking away; not fighting for me or for us.
From here, the emotional floodgates opened so wide that the Hoover Dam wasn’t powerful enough to close them. While I was angry at him, I also felt ashamed at myself. Ashamed at me not fighting for him or us, ashamed at being a coward and not making contact with him despite knowing exactly where he was all those years, and I was over the moon ashamed for my actions towards him during the past five months.
"Jesus Christ, Bella. Could you have been anymore immature recently?’ I groaned aloud as the reality of past few months hit me like a ton of bricks.
Knowing that the answer to this question was a big, fat hell no, I began to feel more lost than ever. For so long, my life had revolved around running away from him and hiding my feelings. So much so, that I had no idea how I was ever going to face him. How the hell was I supposed to have a conversation with the man who broke my heart so badly, that it had never recovered? How was I going to stop myself from yelling at him about the past? What in the world were we even going to talk about? And to top it all off, how in the hell was I going to ever begin to be his boss?
Good luck with that one, chief! See, I told you if you kept running, it was only a matter of time before the past caught up with you and bit you in the ass. But noooo, you were too fucking stubborn to face it.
I felt my tired eyes beginning to well up with tears, and I knew that I needed to get a hold on my emotions and fast. At any moment, Edward Masen was going to walk through my door and while I was so angry and hurt over our past, I didn’t want him to see any of that. I didn't want him to know that he could still affect me that way. He didn't deserve that smug satisfaction. I knew that I needed to act like a professional, because I was his damn boss and for that matter the co-owner of a Major League Baseball team. I was not just the scorned ex-girlfriend that I felt like. Awkward much?
As difficult as it would be, I needed to suppress my personal feelings about us because this shit wasn’t just personal, it was also business. This motto worked for the Godfather and it had been the backbone of this organization for as long as I could remember.
Deep down, I knew it wasn't going to work today though. I could keep telling myself that this meeting wasn't going to be about anything personal, but fuck, I knew it was. All we really had to talk about was personal shit. Hell, Emmett had handled all the business stuff with him already and I had made my official welcoming to him downstairs. There was absolutely nothing business worthy to even discuss.
Just then, I heard the bell of the elevator ding and my heart began to race. I closed my eyes trying to get a handle on my breathing as well as my thoughts. This was it. For real this time. This was the opening game of the World Series, where I was the pitcher and Edward was the batter. The moment I had been simultaneously looking forward to and dreading for the last ten years. I sucked in a deep breath and began chewing on my lower lip nervously out of pure reflex. I rolled my neck a few times trying to ease the tension that had built up in my shoulders and upper back.
You can do this, Bella. You can do this. I began chanting to myself. Who the hell are you? God, I was starting to sound like damn Bela Karolyi before the Keri Shrug vault? He's just like any other human being, albeit the most god-like you had ever met, but still just like anyone else.
I was concentrating so hard on waiting for the knock on my door, that I was completely startled when my desk phone began ringing. I jumped and gasped a little, before realizing the hilarity of the entire situation. Christ, my mind was conjuring up enough suspense to be the next blockbuster psychological thriller. With my trance broken, I realized it was exactly what I had needed to get some control back into my brain. I quickly answered my phone letting Tanya know that she could send Edward in. I didn't know if I should sit or stand, or if the conversation should be formal or casual, but I knew that my body would probably just react like it always had when he was in my presence.
This time when the soft knock on the door came, I was ready. I called out “Come in,” and watched as Edward and my entire past came eye to eye with me. He was just as beautiful as he had always been. His soft bronze hair was unruly and oh, so sexy on his head, probably from rubbing his hands through it. His angular jaw line framed his face in complete perfection. The strong straight nose with just the slightest of bumps giving away to full, well-proportioned lips. His green eyes looked deep into my own with skepticism, but lacked their usual twinkle which silently broke my heart a little more. God… I loved his eyes and the way they danced. I hated myself a little more for knowing that I was the cause of this lackluster sparkle.
My body reacted to him before my mind could catch up. I rose out of my chair and walked around my desk towards him. It was like I was magnetically drawn to his body. And God, what a body he had. His exposed forearms were muscular and cut into perfection from so many years of swinging a bat. His chest and shoulders were broad, and though Edward had always had a nice set of pecs when we were dating, they couldn't compare to what I imagined they looked like now. He had put on a significant amount of muscle weight since I had last been this close to him. My damn hands were aching to rub themselves over the perfection that was hidden under that cream-colored button down shirt he had on. His body narrowed at the abdomen and hips, forming that elusive V-shape that most men spent years trying and failing to achieve. The black dress pants he wore clung to his hips and thighs as if they were tailor made for him, and him alone. He was certainly a sight to behold.
Down girl, down! He isn’t the moon and you aren’t Neil Armstrong taking one giant step for mankind. You need to back up and get your shit together, pronto!
As I quickly brought my eyes back to his face, I could once again see the confusion and skepticism, and I knew that I was responsible for that. He had done a terrible thing, but he deserved this moment, this confrontation. I realized that as angry as I had been before, I couldn't bear to see him hurting. The walls around my heart were cracking and threatened to fall completely. I had been wrong to leave him without explanation and he sure as hell had deserved this moment and this closure for ten years.
And yes, it would be closure. It couldn't be anything else, but closure. Perhaps one day, we could heal enough to be friends, but I wouldn't bet money on it. I could see looking into his eyes how broken he was, how broken we both were. And with that, a plethora of images ran through my head at “what should have been” the past ten years of our life together: family holidays, the birth of our children, vacations together, first days of school, being the last person we see at night and the first people we both see in the morning……
I saw his lips begin to twitch and I realized that I had to control the situation if I was going to do this right. I raised my index finger and shook my head, urging him not to talk yet. There was something I needed before I could tackle this head on--I had to see him smile, just once. Before I could register what I was doing, I felt myself exhale a breath I didn't even know I was holding and then I smiled at him. A sincere, honest to goodness smile. He reacted almost instantaneously, pulling his lips into that crooked smile, the one that had always made me swoon. His eyes brightened slightly and I could see the tension melting away from him. Ahhh… there was the boy that I loved so much.
It was now or never at this point. There was no ignoring him any longer. I knew he would have questions for me, questions he deserved answers to, and in that moment, I knew I would answer all of them. I wasn't sure I could provide any details on my own at this moment, but if he asked me about something specifically, I would answer him truthfully.
“Edward,” I breathed, leaving the smile on my face, “Hey.” I swallowed roughly, then added, “It's been a long time.”
I watched the expressions flutter across his face and the emotions flicker through his eyes. “Bella?” he asked in an almost breathless voice. I nodded while he tried to decide on his next words. “I...I don't understand. Is it really you? Can I...shit, can I just touch your face to verify that this all isn't just some weird delusional dream I'm having?”
I wasn't sure that having him touch me was really the best idea, but I knew Edward well enough to know he needed the assurance. Hesitantly, I reached out towards his large hand. I lightly grasped his wrist and slowly brought his hand towards my cheek. His thumb gently grazed the tip of my nose before falling towards my cheekbone, while his other fingers found their resting place curling up under my jaw. As he slowly stroked my cheek, I felt my face lean into his touch. It was so familiar and yet, so foreign all at the same time.
I wanted to lose myself in this moment. My eyes closed in contentment and I heard a small sigh escape from my lips, right as I heard him whisper “I've missed you, Bella.” My body froze at the sound. My eyelids flew back open. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let myself fall back into his arms like nothing ever happened. I couldn't let my physical needs overtake my emotional ones.
Swallowing back my fears, I began backing up and away from Edward. “I can't, Edward. I...I'm sorry.” My hands trembled at my sides as I tried to regain my composure.
“I know. I'm sorry, Bella. I just...well I was just hoping maybe we could talk,” Edward mumbled uncomfortably. “I've needed to tell you how sorry I am, so very sorry. I don't know if I can explain, but...”
I shook my head furiously, “No Edward, please. I can't. I will answer any questions you have for me, but I can't talk about any of that. Not yet. Someday, I promise, just not today. Please,” I half begged him.
His face fell, obviously hurt by my refusal to address our past. I knew it needed to be done, but I just wasn't ready to hear his apology yet. Nor was I ready to give him one of my own. He nodded and sat down on the leather couch across the room. I realized I might need to start this conversation to move it along. I didn't know how long I would be able to stay composed with him so close to me in this office. “So Edward, honestly, go ahead. Ask me whatever you like.”
He debated a moment before lifting his eyes to make contact with mine. His voice was steadier, more confident when he spoke. “Okay, care to explain how it is that you are my boss? How do you go from being the quiet girl, with her head in a book to owning a multi-million dollar franchise? I know that this is a family owned team, Bella. Is there a reason you wouldn't have mentioned this to me when we were together?”
Well, shit! He certainly wasn't holding back. I told him to ask me anything and hell if he didn’t come at me with all guns blazing. “Fair question,” I admitted, inhaling deeply before deciding how to begin. “Well you are right; this is a family-owned franchise. When my grandfather Swan died a little over two years ago, the team was passed onto Emmett, Alice, and I. With my father deceased, and my Aunt Esme uninterested in running the business, we were next in line. Ali never really had any interest in it, so Em and I bought her out. It may have seemed that this wasn't something I would be interested in, but believe me I spent every summer here learning the ropes. Emmett and I have always known we would be running this team one day.”
See, Bella. A little honesty. That wasn’t so hard now was it?
“But why didn't you tell me this, Bella? Why wouldn't you tell me you were being prepped to take over a baseball team in the future? You don't think that would have interested me? For fuck's sake, my life revolved around baseball,” Edward retorted, clearly aggravated at this point.
"Well that's exactly why I didn't tell you,” I spat back. “I wanted you to like me for me, not because I was an heir to multi-million dollar company. I saw that happen to both Ali and Em. Living in Chicago it was a little harder to hide from our family's reputation. They were both hurt multiple times by people who were only interested in our name and what that name could offer them. I would have told you eventually, I just didn't want that to be the reason you were interested in me. I couldn't have handled that, Edward.”
Wasn’t so hard? What remote planet do you live on? Of course it is going to be hard!
I sighed, and then continued my rant. “Hell, it was bad enough that people knew my stepfather was a baseball player. Do you have any idea how many people tried to befriend me once they found that shit out? The same kids who wanted nothing to do with me the week before now wanted to be my best friends. So, there were only two people who knew my secret. Two people I trusted to not judge me or change their opinions of me when they found out.”
“Let me guess who those people were, Bella,” Edward interrupted. He tapped his index finger on his chin in faux contemplation. “Hmm...if I had to guess I would say Jake and Angela. Is that right? Are those the only two people you could trust?”
This conversation was not going at all how I expected. Of course I expected him to get mad and/or upset, but I didn't figure that this would be the question to get him to this point. I felt my anger growing once more. How dare he question who I could trust. I laughed bitterly, shaking my head and sucking my lower lip into my mouth. “You're right, Edward. They were the only ones I could trust. You certainly showed that to me in the end, didn't you?” I huffed.
Edward appeared taken aback at my comment. His face was now much more controlled and his voice more even as he spoke again. “I guess you're right. I don't want to fight with you, Bella. Please?” he practically begged. “Why don't you tell me what you've been up to for the past ten years? I want to know you again. I want to be able to prove my trust to you.”
Ten years? Are you kidding me? How do you try to explain to someone what you've been doing in the past ten years? Should I give him the casual answer; you know the one you'd give to an old classmate at your reunion, or a formal timeline of events in Bella Swan-Black's life? Somehow I don't think he was quite ready for that timeline. How would I start that, Well you see Edward, after I ran from you, I spent time in Chicago then went to Arizona delivered your child, gave it up for adoption, ran again back to Chicago, immersed myself in schoolwork, married Jake because I was too depressed to go on, worked for my grandfather, took over the team, made up an elaborate story to protect you from my stepfather and to keep myself hidden from you, etc, etc. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not quite ready to hear all that.
“Hmm,” I said trying to sort through all my options. “Well, I went to Chicago for the summer after I left you. I was supposed to start at Northwestern, but I decided to defer for a year and I spent some time in Arizona with my Mom. The following summer I started back at Northwestern and was able to finish my degree in three years - pretty amazing for a double major. After I graduated I married Jake, I'm sure you remember him...”
Edward's eyes popped open at that statement. “Wait. Did you just say you married Jake? Jacob Black?” He said slowly as if remembering it for the first time. He went on to mumble something I couldn't really understand and then, more to himself he added “that was his last name, I remember it now.” Edward glared back at me once more, this time with a fire in his eyes as he continued. “So where is old Jake? I see you aren't wearing a wedding ring and Newton seems to think he somehow has a chance with you, so I'm guessing he is not in the picture. Did the perfect best friend finally fuck up and let you down, Bella?” Edward asked with disdain.
I couldn't help but stiffen, my anger rising quickly. How dare he talk about Jake that way! I knew they had not always see eye to eye, but he had no right to say anything negative about anyone. “Actually Edward,” I snapped back, “you might have known that Jake was sick even back when you knew him. He died not even six months into our marriage.”
His jaw dropped and his eyes softened before he sputtered out an apology. “I'm sorry. I don't know why I got so angry. Just my jealousy rearing its ugly head. Of all the people you could have married, I just would have hoped it wouldn't be him.” Edward dropped his head in embarrassment. “Can I ask you a question?” he stated waiting for me to nod before continuing. “If you knew he was so sick, why did you marry him, Bella? You couldn't have had a normal life with him. It sounds so depressing to be with someone, watching them die at such a young age.”
I smiled at him in reverence of my memories with Jake. “Actually, that was the happiest six months I've had in the past ten years. Jake lived each day as if it were his last. We traveled and visited places I would have never dreamed of going. We tried new foods and went to concerts in the park. It was actually pure bliss. We had to avoid doing anything too straining as his heart was too weak to handle much physical activity, but it never held us back. Believe me, it was anything but depressing. He was happy and that made me happy.”
“I'm glad that you were happy, Bella. I've only ever wanted you to be happy,” Edward replied with sadness in his voice. He cleared his throat and I could just make out him mumbling “I just wish it could have been me that gave you that happiness.”
“I wished that too, once upon a time,” I added quietly. Edward brought his eyes back to mine and we just stared at each other for what seemed like minutes. Both of us reminiscing about where it all went wrong, how we had thrown away so many years, and how it was most likely impossible that we could ever start again. Well, at least that is what I was thinking about.
I had to break this trance we were in, or else it would slowly break me. Well, let’s be honest, he already was breaking me. I wasn't ready to relive that night, but I could see Edward was when I looked deep into his eyes. This whole thing was a mess. He couldn't think he could walk in here and make everything alright. Did he think I didn't know what he had been up to? There was no way I was going to let him paint himself the victim here. If anything, we were both victims, but definitely not only him. Just as he was about to speak, I opened my mouth and spat out the first thing that came to my mind. “And what were you doing all these years? It's not like you were sitting around waiting for me. From what I could see you were out having quite a bit of fun yourself.”
There you go again Bella. Acting like a bitch! How many times do I have to remind you that this isn’t how you treat the person you love most in the world?
Edward snorted loudly in reply. “Are you serious? You think I wanted any of those girls? Half that shit is made up anyway. You should know that Bella. Why do you care anyway? You're the one who walked away from us.”
Oh, hell fucking no! This asshole isn’t going to sit here and spat that shit off to me about walking away was he? “What?” I cut in exasperated. “You're the one who walked away. When you slept with Lauren, you walked away from us.”
Edward shook his head, relenting “Maybe. Fuck, I don't remember anything from that night. So maybe I did. But I wanted to talk. Maybe we couldn't have fixed anything, but I still didn't want to walk away and leave things like that.”
So, after ten long and sad years for the both of us, the best answer he could give me was the old-as-time bullshit about not remembering that night? Seriously, that was the best he could do? To top it all off, he said he didn’t want to walk away? What the fuck did he think was going to happen after sleeping with my arch enemy no less? That we were going to sit down, talk it out, hug, cry, have crazy make-up sex, and forget it had ever happened? I may like to live in denial, case in point, the past ten years, but there was no way on Earth that I would have been able to forget that night. For Christ sakes, I hadn’t! I relive it every fucking night! So, forgiving is one thing, though truthfully I hadn’t gotten there yet, but forgetting …. that is something else entirely.
"So what? Fine, you got me! I ran away and basically hid from you. I've never been hurt like that before. It was the only reaction I knew. But I am not running or hiding now, I'm not the same girl Edward.”
"HA!” Edward sharply laughed once. “Of course you are. You've been hiding from me for months. For that matter you've been hiding from me for years. You've known exactly where I've been at. You even had a fucking informant working for you. Someone I thought I could look up to and trust. I trusted Phil as a friend, as a mentor.”
“Phil doesn't know,” I said quickly. “You can trust him; he's always had your best intentions in mind. He doesn't know who you are...to me, I mean,” I could barely state without losing the thread of composure I still had. “When I knew you were going to Arizona, I made sure that Phil didn't know you. I wanted you to have a fair chance. I didn't want him to judge you, for hurting me.”
He sat on the couch silently stewing. His face was slightly flushed in anger. “So now you get to choose what's best for me? I don't even have a fucking say in my own life, is that what you're telling me?”
What the hell? I thought I was doing him a favor by keeping this from Phil. Does he know how much of a cost this had on Renee? What, did he think that he was a puppet on a string and I was controlling his actions? No! I was simply trying to give him the chance he deserved. Gosh!
“You could try to be a little grateful. I did all this to protect you. Do you have any idea how pissed Phil was when I skipped out on my first year of college? He would have killed you,” I said matter-of-factly.
Edward stood from the couch, his arms gesturing wildly. “Enough. Just stop Bella. I didn't need your protection. I didn't want that. All I wanted was you. All these years that's all I've ever wanted.” He sighed deeply, shaking his head and laughing bitterly. “I can see that was a mistake though. A fucking colossal mistake. There's obviously nothing else here for us to talk about, so I'll just go. Sorry I've intruded on your perfect life. Unfortunately, you're stuck with me for the next ten years, so we are either going to have to figure this shit out, or learn to ignore each other. I suppose that is up to you, since you seem to control everything else.”
He turned and began walking towards the door, throwing it open loudly. Peering back over his shoulder he sneered, “You'll know where to find me when you're ready, especially since you have to sign all my damn paychecks.” With that, he walked out the door and to the emergency stairwell, pushing it open until it slammed into the wall and then disappeared.
I sat down in my chair completely exasperated. How the fuck did everything go so wrong? I put my head in my hands and began to sob. The tears were coming like they hadn't in years. I couldn't even find it in myself to care if anyone heard. I wrapped my left arm around my middle and put my head and right arm down onto the table and continued to sob.
I'm not sure how long I sat in my office like that, could have minutes or hours, time seemed to have no boundaries. Eventually, I felt warmth enveloping me, rocking me and whispering everything was going to be okay. When I looked up through my tear soaked eyes, I could make out Rosalie's form. The tears came harder when I saw her and I all but collapsed into her chest.
"Shh, Bella. Please don't cry. He's not fucking worth crying over,” Rose said trying to comfort me. I looked at her again and tried to nod, my tears slowing slightly. “Honestly B, he's not worth it. He's not even that hot.”
My tears turned into chuckles, I couldn't help it. Maybe I was going mad. She was obviously lying with that last comment. Leave it to Rose. She always did know how to cheer me up.
She looked at me, a smile breaking out over her face when she heard the laughing. “You're way too damn sexy for him. Even with this mascara all over your face. Now come on, let's go get you cleaned up and then we're going for drinks. I know just what you need.”
I relented and stood up, because god, a drink was absolutely fucking necessary right now. I knew Rose, and I had a bad feeling the night was going to turn into something I would probably regret, but I couldn't allow myself to care right now. Nothing sounded better than shots, mojitos, loud music and dancing. Fuck me! We’re young and fine, so let’s do some damage. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, could do more damage than my bff Rose. This night is full of possibilities, I can feel it… or on second thought, I sure as shit hope I can’t feel it. Mango mojitos, here I come!
**Edward's POV**
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
“Dammit,” I said aloud as the thick door of the locker room slammed right into my left shoulder. Mike Newton was standing there staring at me as I held onto my shoulder rubbing out the pain. “Shit, Newton. Don't you look when you're throwing a door open? You could have fucking hurt someone.”
“Ah, suck it up, Pretty boy. You're fine. You should watch where you're standing. Why the hell are you hanging out in front of the door? Besides, I thought everyone was already gone. You left like twenty minutes ago,” Mike chortled.
I fucking hated this guy more and more every minute I spent with him. I was already beyond pissed off and humiliated from my meeting with Bella, and this asshole really didn’t want to fuck with me right now. “Just get the hell out of my way,” I said as I pushed by him back into the locker room to grab my car keys.
I could barely look at him after he talked about my girl that way earlier in the team meeting. Did they really have some type of relationship going on? Bella never denied anything in her office when I mentioned him. “Fucking hell,” I spat as I turned back around quickly and irrationally launched my keys as hard as I could toward the back of my locker.
“Dude, you have some real fucking anger issues,” Mike said as he pushed the door back open and left the room.
I sat down on the bench and just breathed in and out, trying to get some control over myself. Where the fuck did everything go wrong? I had been dreaming of this day for so long and I knew it wasn't going to be some perfect reunion, but shit, I don't really know if it could have gone worse.
When I had touched her and held her soft skin up against mine, I felt like I was in heaven. And then when she leaned into the touch, moaning softly like she always had, I silently prayed that the moment would never end. I was finally home, she was my home. She was what had been missing in all those other places. But then she pulled away, backing up like I was some sort of monster she couldn't get away from fast enough. Her voice was colder, angrier when she spoke again. My mother was right. She was anything, but indifferent.
I suppose that should have thrilled me. I did say that the indifference was the worst thing possible. I wanted angry. But now that I had seen it, I wasn't sure if indifference might not have been better. The anger hurt. And the more she fucking talked the more angry and jealous I got. I couldn't contain it, even though it is not at all what I wanted.
But she had lied, lied about so much. The world I thought I had known was not at all what it had seemed. It was almost like Bella was playing God. She was always one step ahead. What really blew my mind is when she said she did it all to protect me. Protect me? Why would I need protection? She was protecting herself. I wasn't running away, she was.
All I had ever wanted was for her to be happy. I suppose somewhere deep down I had dysfunctionally started to believe that our unhappiness was intertwined. That if we could just find each other again, we could both finally find that elusive tranquility that had been missing in our lives. But I guess that had just been me. Bella had found some happiness with Jake. She had gotten married and traveled and just lived. I was still missing that. I wasn't living, I was simply functioning. It made me sick to think of her with him romantically. I had always known he wanted more with her, hence the deep-seeded jealousy that sometimes sprung when we were in high school. But visualizing him actually touching her made me almost physically ill.
I was brought out of my inner-monologue when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was a text from Jasper. I was so glad he hadn't called because I probably would have just ignored it with the mood I was in. I clicked on the message and saw he was only congratulating me on the game and asking if I wanted to go out to celebrate. There was a small line at the end that said “meeting with boss” with a question mark at the end. I knew he was wondering if it even taken place. I figured I should probably leave the stadium anyway. I wasn't in any mood to celebrate, but I suppose a few drinks might help numb the memory of Bella.
I jumped in my car and took off back to Jazz's place. I was swerving through traffic when it dawned on me that Jasper may already know who Bella was. Alice had known this all along and never said a word. She must have told him. Their relationship was pretty hot and heavy for the past three months; I can't imagine she would have kept it a secret from him. Why wouldn't he have warned me though? He was my best friend, why would he send me into battle unprepared? I didn't know these answers but I was sure as hell going to find out.
My temper was flaring when I finally got to his door. I heard Alice bounding to open it after I knocked. I knew as soon as she swung the door open that she was nervous about my state of mind. I gave her curt nod and sharply said her name as I entered going directly to the fridge for a beer. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her give Jasper a meaningful glance. He knew. I slammed the fridge door closed and went to the drawer for a bottle opener. I can't believe he didn't say anything to me. I flipped off the bottle top and took a long swig of the cold ale. I spoke with my back to them. I just couldn't look them in the eyes right now. “How long have you known, Jazz?”
I waited patiently for him to speak. It seemed like minutes had gone by before I heard a loud sigh. “I'm sorry, bro. Ali just told me this afternoon before the game. I didn't think that would be the best time to tell you news like that.”
That was probably true, although it still pissed me off. I huffed and nodded my head before speaking to Alice. “You knew Alice. Why...why didn't you say anything? I could have been more prepared,” I said angrily, turning suddenly and glaring at her.
Alice stared down at the floor, refusing to make eye contact. “I wanted to. I wanted to tell you that first time when we were at the pub, but I realized it wasn't my place. Bella needed to be the one. Emmett and I tried over and over to get her to talk to you, but...she just wasn't ready. You were, I could tell, so I wasn't as worried about it being sprung on you. If I had told you, I knew you would have gone straight to her wanting to see and talk to her. It would have been a disaster. She would have closed off again. I'm sorry,” she said, finally looking up at me.
“Well it was a disaster regardless,” I mumbled before taking another long swig of beer. I sat the empty bottle down on the counter and hung my head in defeat. I wanted Bella just as much as I had before, but the hopelessness of situation was weighing heavily on me. I had hurt her- there was no question about that. Today I found out, just how much she had hurt me too. We weren't just broken from being alone all this time, but also in what we had done to each other. There was a lot of anger and resentment on the surface. For me though, there was still a lot of love and appreciation buried deep.
“Edward,” Alice's voice rang out in the quiet of the room. “You two were meant to be together. I can see that. It's going to work out. It might take some time for the both of you to sort through all your feelings and repair all your wounds, but its right, I know it.”
I'm glad Alice could be so optimistic, but it wasn't going to be so easy for me. I didn't see Bella being interested in working through anything right now. She said she would answer any questions, but carefully avoided quite a few. She was still very closed off and I had a feeling she would stay that way.
“Look, I know you don't feel like celebrating, but let's go out. You need to get your mind off of things for awhile. You're off tomorrow anyway. We'll all hit up a lounge or something. What do you say?” questioned Jasper.
I shrugged my shoulders and agreed to go, thinking a few drinks with friends would be more socially acceptable than a few drinks alone. I headed out a few minutes later to go back to my place and change. Alice said they'd stop by and pick me up in an hour. What-the-fuck-ever!
My mom had done a great job on my new place. It was totally different from my place in Scottsdale, but it was very warm and inviting. I flipped on ESPN while I went and jumped in the shower. Though I had taken one at the field, my hair was a mess again from me constantly running my hands through it earlier. Not knowing where the fuck we were going, at this point I didn’t even care, I decided to that I couldn’t go wrong with my distressed MEK jeans, navy-striped button down shirt, and my favorite lead-colored leather loafers. If I was going to go out, I would at least look fucking good for Christ’s sake.
At this point, my head was still reeling from the damn disastrous meeting I had with Bella. Come to think of it, I really don’t even think that the phrase “disastrous meeting” could begin to describe how that nightmare occurred. Good lord! What happened to the beautiful and shy girl that I use to know? What the fuck happened to her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes that use to tell me a world of secrets?
"Fuck!” I screamed into the mirror as I was unable to turn off the “what” questions.
It does no good to ask the “what’s” because where would they get me? No-fucking-where, that’s where. I was hurting and she was hurting, but the ball was in her court and the look in her eyes today told me that she wasn’t willing to play this game with me anytime soon. If I am being completely honest with myself, there aren’t enough words to describe my feelings at the moment. Hurt? Yes. Pissed? Absolutely! Sad? Most definitely. Confused? That goes without fucking saying. Still in love with her? Totally.
Unknowing how long I was lost in my thoughts; I was brought out of them by a knock on my door. Shaking my head quickly in my attempt to initiate a “No Bella Zone” for the night, I ran my fingers through my naturally unruly hair; admired how damn good I looked, and headed for the door.
Taking one deep breath, I opened the door and was immediately met by Jasper and Alice. Always the stylish one, Alice looked beautiful as always and really made my friend Jasper look good, too. Lucky bastard! Both of them off-setting one another in palettes of grey. Jasper's clothing choices had certainly been stepped up a notch since he had started dating Alice. I smiled, greeting them both, Jazz with a fist bump and Alice with a kiss on the cheek. We decided to have a quick cocktail at my house before we took off to the NV Penthouse Lounge.
We took a taxi down to the lounge which was located on W. Hubbard Street and was on the top floor of the building. Walking in, I saw that the place was decked out in black and white with green accents. The place was really crazy packed for a Wednesday night. The three of us headed into the club and went straight to the bar for a drink. I was sticking with my Grey Goose and soda with lime. It was the drink you could never go wrong with. Once Jasper ordered his Johnny Walker and Alice her espresso martini we settled into a high top table off to the side of the bar.
We sat and talked for about an hour refilling our drinks without hesitancy. I had a pretty good buzz going when I noticed two very hot girls holding hands and making their way out onto the dance floor area. The tall blonde was wearing a one-shouldered red silk blouse and very short black skirt with the highest pair of heels I had ever seen. I didn't know how she could walk in them, let alone dance. Her brown-haired friend had on a hot pink strapless dress with a fitted black blazer. Both were grinding up to each other dancing to Nelly Furtado's Maneater. Alice noted my gaze and turned to look in their direction.
"Shit!” I heard her exclaim. I was just about to turn and look at her when I realized the brown-haired girl I had been eyeing up was none other than Bella. “I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't know that they'd be here,” Alice tried to shout out over the music.
I was so mesmerized by Bella that I barely heard her. I shrugged off her comment and continued to stare at the girls. My mouth turning up at the corners as I watched Bella laugh and sway her hips with the beat of the music. She was so much better coordinated then she had been in high school. Bella and her friend Rosalie, who Jasper mentioned was Emmett's fiancé, linked fingers as Bella slowly cascaded down Rosalie's body. God, she was so incredibly fucking sexy! I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked so loose and free and it made my almost giddy.
That was of course until she made eye-contact with me. It was if she could feel my eyes on her from across the room. The smile on her face faltering immediately as she froze mid-dance. I saw her whisper something into Rosalie's ear and then they both stopped to stare at Alice, giving her a death glare and a scowl.
Alice bounded up out of her seat, crossing the room quickly towards the other girls. “This can't be good,” Jasper said, leaning in towards me. The argument looked heated and appeared to be mainly between Rose and Alice, while Bella glanced back and forth between the girls, her phone, and me. She seemed to spend the majority of the time texting on her phone as the girls continued to argue back and forth. When Bella finally did address Alice, I watched as Ali's little arms flew up above her head in exasperation. She spat sharply back at Bella in retort, before finally turning on her heel and stalking back to our table. Rose gave us all another quick glare before both her and Bella turned and walked back to the bar.
“What happened” I asked as soon as Ali sat back down. It had been killing me that I couldn't hear their conversation from across the room.
“Nothing worth discussing,” Alice grumbled. “I should have known they'd be here. This is Rosalie's favorite hangout and Bella loves their mango mojitos. I don't know what I was thinking.”
“Are they pissed at you, Baby?” Jasper questioned, looking at Alice with the pure love and concern in his eyes.
Alice simply shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “Nothing I can do about it now. Rosalie accused me of picking sides since I am here with you and Edward. Not like either one of those bitches called me to go out with them anyway, so they can go ahead and kiss my ass.”
Jasper got up and moved his stool closer to Alice's, bringing his arm around her shoulder protectively. They talked quietly between themselves for a few moments and I tried to look away to give them some privacy. I hated to put Alice in the middle like this and told her so when they finally broke apart from their kiss. She shrugged it off again and said both of the girls were too far gone to comprehend anything tonight anyway. “I mean, Bella's drunk-texting right now. That should tell you enough.”
Please don’t let her be texting that asshat Mike Newton!
My eyes flashed open and began searching for her and Rosalie at the bar. When I finally did spot them, I noticed immediately that Bella was indeed texting someone and she was biting her lower lip and smirking. Who the hell was she drunk texting? Rosalie's attention seemed to be trained on the bartender as she waited for their drink refills. When she went to hand Bella her drink, I saw her frown. She set the drink down and tried to grab Bella's phone away from her, shaking her head no.
Fuck me! Please, please, please don’t let her be texting that douche bag Newton.
Just then, I saw Emmett walk through the crowd. He noticed us and waved over toward our table before spotting the girls. He came up behind Rosalie placing his hands on her waist, apparently surprising her as she just about spilled her drink when she jumped at the contact. He gave her a kiss and then turned to give Bella one also. He positioned himself behind both girls at the bar effectively blocking Bella from my view.
I sighed and turned my attention back towards Alice and Jasper just as our waitress came over. The DJ started playing the song “Shots,” just as we were about to order. We took it as an omen and decided to order another round of drinks as well as a few shots. Jazz and I each got lemon drops and Alice ordered some type of layered one that she had to explain to the waitress.
A few minutes later our server returned with our drinks. I looked at Alice curiously, asking her what kind she ordered. “It's called a Pussy Galore” she explained with a bright smile on her face.
“What's it taste like?” Jasper chimed in.
Alice's smile grew wider as Jazz apparently fell right into her trap. “It tastes like sweeeet pussy,” she said suggestively. “It's my absolute favorite,” she added with a wink before throwing it back and licking her lips with fervor.
Jasper's eyes bulged and he practically fell over himself as he watched her show. “Jesus, Alice! What are you trying to do to me?” he said.
Alice gave him a devious smile as she took her second shot watching Jasper carefully. This time instead of licking her lips when she was done, she suggestively asked if he “might want a taste.”
I laughed heartily at both of them, so happy that my best friend seemed to have found his soul-mate. Conversation continued easily between the three of us for some time as we talked and joked about some random college story of Alice's. I continued to try and steal glances at Bella, wondering if she was doing the same to me.
Bella continued to be distracted with the phone on and off until she suddenly turned and started looking around towards the door to the club. My eyes tried to follow her gaze and froze when I saw who she had been waiting for. Of all the damned people, Mike fucking Newton was walking towards her with a big smile on his face. I felt my hands ball into fists on the table as my jealousy sprang forth with a vengeance. Jasper noticed my change of character immediately and asked what was wrong. I couldn't even answer him. What the fuck was going on between Bella and Newton?
“No, she fucking did not,” I heard Alice groan before sighing and turning back towards the table.
I had to find out what their deal was before I fucking lost right here and now. “Alice, please tell me those two are not hooking up,” I pleaded to her.
"Newton and Bella? Fuck no!” she dead-panned. “Newton went to Northwestern with her, Em, and Rose, so we have all known him for forever it seems. He's always had it hard for Bella, but she really just enjoys playing with him. She would never hook up with him,” she said with emphasis. “They do have a pretty playful relationship though and he drunk calls and texts her constantly. I don't know why the hell she puts up with it. I think she just kinda likes the attention, regardless of his douchebaggery.”
Alice continued staring at her cousin and the idiot with an inquisitive look on her face. “I must admit, she typically does not encourage him though. I think your being here, may have sparked this little fire,” she said furrowing her brow.
I watched and seethed internally as Newton grabbed Bella and they began dancing together. He looked like such a tool as he tried to grope her ass. Did he have no respect for a lady? I wanted to get up, march right over and punch him square in the jaw, but Jasper and Emmett both grabbed me the second I made in up off the stool.
“Let me go, now” I growled at both of them as I tried to shake myself free. Fucking Emmett was like a grizzly bear, holding me right in place.
“It's not a good idea, Edward,” Jasper pleaded with me.
“Just wait until tomorrow and you can talk with her about it then,” Alice added.
“You fucking go off and break your throwing hand punching him, and I will have your ass. Do you hear me Masen? Just leave Bella alone. Hell, you of all people should know she is very strong-willed. If she wants to talk to you, she'll come to you. Got it?” Emmett threatened.
I couldn't sit there and watch the love of my life dancing with some asshat, even if she wasn't interested in him. The whole scene was making my head spin and my stomach started to feel physically ill. I had to get out of here. My anger and jealousy were so out of control that I wasn't sure what I'd do if I was confronted with them at this moment. Suddenly the song changed, and Akon's “Right Now” sounded throughout the room, the words speaking to me so deeply.
“It's been so long, that I haven't seen your face, I'm tryna be strong, but the strength I have is washing away.”
I continued to stare at Bella, my eyes literally boring into her soul. Her eyes eventually met mine. The intensity and tension between us was thick and overwhelming. I could barely breathe. My chest heaving up and down with the beat of the music.
“I wanna make up right now, na, na. I wanna make up right now, na, na. Wish we never broke up right now, na, na. We need to link up right now, na na.”
I could see all of our mistakes laid out so clearly in front of me, but none of those meant anything. She felt it, too; I could see it in her eyes. All that mattered was that we loved each other. We could make all this right again. I knew we could.
“Girl I know, mistakes were made between us two, and we sure, our eyes that I even said somethings weren't true. Why'd you go? I haven't seen my girl since then. Why can't it be the way it was, cause you were my homie, lover, and friend...”
She kept her eyes fixated on me as I slid off my stool slowly. I knew I would probably regret the boldness of my actions later, but I was useless to stop them. I sauntered towards her with determination. Her eyes widened in awareness, but did not try to dissuade me. She stilled in Mike's arms. I silently pleaded with her to understand what I was promising her.
“I can't lie, I miss you much. Watching everyday that goes by, I miss you much. Until I get you back I'm gonna try, yes I miss you much. You're the apple of my eye. Girl, I miss you much.”
I walked up behind Newton, grasping his shoulder and lightly pushing him off to the side, my eye contact with Bella never breaking. I reached out and took her face in between my hands, stepping closer so our faces were only inches apart. She swallowed and opened her mouth just slightly panting her warm breath across my lips. I watched as her heavy-lidded eyes slowly gave in to the moment and fluttered close, her hands settling onto my chest. I let my senses take over for a moment as I could smell the sweet combination of mint and fruit waft from her breath. I wanted to taste her. I needed to taste her.
“I want you to fly with me. Want you to fly. I miss how you lie with me. Miss how you lie. Just wish you to dine with me. Wish you could dine...”
As the tempo of the music slowed, our lips touched lightly, hesitantly together before separating. They quickly met again, this time a little stronger. The process repeating itself twice more, each time with a little more passion, until I finally felt her lips relax and begin kneading with mine. Her warm tongue slid across my lower lip, causing me to moan in pleasure. As it entered into my mouth and met my own, they began to engage in a sensual dance.
Her hands slid slowly up my chest and around my neck, her fingers twining into my hair, and pulling me towards her as the kiss continued to deepen. My god how I have missed her small hands in my hair. My hands left her face and I reached around to her lower back securing her body to mine. I needed her to be closer to me. I needed to make her feel how much I loved her. If I couldn’t say it, I needed her to feel it.
The world around us drifted away. It was only me and Bella now. Hungry and desperate for each other, we continued kissing, practically swallowing ourselves into one another. Our bodies were pressed together tightly, but it wasn't enough. When it came to this, it has never been enough between us. Both of us, trying to weld ourselves into one just like the way it was truly meant to be for us.
The sensations were so overwhelming. The fire in my body starting out as a slow burn, and then the heat and electricity rapidly multiplying until it raged out of control. Bella consumed me. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and wished for.
And then I felt something trying to pull me backwards. I gasped and tried to hold on to Bella tighter, but the pulling would not relent. I continued to try and fight it frantically, but in my weakened, over-sensitized state, I wasn't strong enough and eventually our lips disconnected.
When I looked up, Mike was standing between us. What was he thinking? I tried to push him away again, desperately needing to see my girl's eyes. When I finally found them, I could tell her's were just as desperate and confused as my own. I let mine drift closed once more for just a second, trying to memorize every sensation that I had experienced just a moment earlier. Not wanting to forget anything.
The sound startled me first and then my left hand instinctively reached up to feel the warmth and tingling spreading across my cheek. My eyes flashed open, just in time to see Bella lowering her right hand, a murderous glare in her eyes.
