Bella's earrings
Bella's shoes
Bella's skirt, except in white
Bella's Blouse
Bella's power panty setSong Selections:
“Scars” by Papa Roach
“I'm too Sexy” by Right Said Fred
“Hotel Room Service” by Pitbull
“Again” by Lenny Kravitz
** Bella’s POV **
“Good morning Chicago and happy Monday, April 13th! All of us here in the Windy City want to wish the Cubbies good luck during their home season-opener today. By the way, if you are going to Wrigley Field, I suggest you bundle up because it’s gonna be a chilly day,” blared from my alarm clock at 7:30 this morning.
Whoever this morning dee-jay was, he had a little too chipper of an attitude for me at the moment. I groaned loudly, not in the mood to deal with the inevitable yet, and pulled the covers over my head as I pretended that I was still asleep. Let’s be honest though, since my plane from Arizona touched down last week, I had been laying in my bed tossing and turning every night, scared shitless about the meeting I would be having today. I don’t think I have slept more than a few hours each night the past week. My lack of sleep causing me to barely think straight and adding to my anxiousness. My stomach was in knots, and that damned tightening feeling that I seemed to have in my chest every morning, was once again, feeling like it was starting to seriously constrict my breathing.
My God, Bella! You are going to be seeing and actually talking to the love of your life today. Would it have killed you to actually get some sleep? Now you are going to have bags under your eyes. Nice work, kid.
After shaking my head and telling my annoying self-conscious to shut the hell up, I quickly threw the covers off me, jumped into my slippers, and padded my way into the kitchen for my morning cup of Chai Tea. I knew that I might as well get this day started if I ever wanted it to end. Always calming me down, I let the warm liquid spread throughout my body as I went to my window to view the city below. For some unknown reason, I do this every morning. Whether it was to find peace or simply get lost in what the other people in the city were doing, I always found this ritual relaxing. Good thing, because today’s events were going to be anything but relaxing.
Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far far away from here.
Forrest Gump and Jenny totally had it right when they were asking for this. Perhaps if I call upon God or the other higher powers of the universe, they could grant me this teeny tiny wish, too. With my luck, the answer to this request would be big, fat Hell No! Oh well... a girl can dream, can’t she?
Exhaling loudly, I wrapped my arms around my middle. I knew that I needed to be a big girl and face this day head on, but that was not going to be easy. My head was a colossal mess just thinking about the circus that surrounded the Opening Day events and my first meeting with the team after the game. I couldn't even think about the face-to-face meeting with Edward that was inevitable after that.
One would think that Alice’s little treat of information regarding Edward’s feelings for me would have made this meeting easier, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth. There was just so much that had happened to and between us during the past ten years, that it was hard for me to believe that he ever thought about me at all. Did I wish, hope, and dream that these words would have been the case during our time apart? Absolutely, but they were simply too difficult to believe. The minute I let myself hope that he would say these words to me, the barricade I had built protecting myself from him would crumble faster than the Berlin Wall. If I was going to get through today, I needed to banish such dreams from my mind. Today needed to be all business and the personal… well that’s going to have to wait for another day or two or three or fucking forever.
For me, he had always been in my thoughts. Every time I watched a 3rd baseman make a play, I always saw Edward’s face and remembered how he looked on the field in Forks. As much as I hated to admit it, especially because it was totally fucking pathetic and such a girl thing to do, I would even turn on the Diamondback games to watch him play for a few minutes. This is how much I was still hopelessly in love with him. For Edward, however, his playboy ways were rather well known, which was probably why I doubted Alice’s discovery so much. If I let myself hope that he still loved me like I loved him, I was in complete danger of falling so far, that I would never find my way back.
There were just too many scars that were still healing. Scars that I have been made painfully aware of by my friends, which he knows nothing about. My mother had been talking me through all of this almost daily for the past two months. I have really been trying to work on forgiving him. I knew that Edward was not to blame for all that had happened in the past, but it had just been easier to blame him, then to admit to my own wrong-doing. Having a scapegoat, made it easier to push away all the painful memories. I was afraid that any type of direct contact with him could be potentially heartbreaking to me, as I knew it would bring all of those memories rushing back to me in a flash.
Although the pain of losing Edward never went away, I always found that if I kept busy on other tasks, he wasn’t at the foremost of my thoughts. In college, I took extra classes each semester to make up for my one year sabbatical and actually ended up graduating on time. Once I took over ownership of the team, I threw my heart and soul into the day to day aspects of the business. It was my fear of someday running into Edward that truly kept me focused and always moving.
For the past ten years, my entire life has consisted of a delicate balance between half and full truths. Somewhere along the line, it simply became easier to live the semi-lie I had built around myself and my heart. I could totally understand why pathological liars were eventually able to believe their own skewed versions of the world, because my life, pathetically, had reached that point. If I never talked about Edward or the past, it was as if it didn’t exist, thus allowing me to live the façade I had carefully and successfully masterminded. Up until two months ago, it seemed as if my alternate universe had been moving along rather nicely, but I guess the saying “all good things must come to an end” was tailor made for my current predicament. Not only was I forced to admit the past I had with Edward, but I was hit with the double-whammy of Emmett signing him to our team. Dumb fucking luck!
To make matters worse, I really had been acting like a baby for the past few months, especially when it came to pulling my weight with the team. Although I hated to admit it, Emmett was completely justified for laying into my sorry ass while we were in Arizona. Honestly, I am rather embarrassed at my behavior when it comes to, what I like to call, the “Edward Situation.”
I have always prided myself on being totally professional in every business situation no matter who I was dealing with. Trust me, I have dealt with so many assholes throughout the past two years, it is unbelievable. Never once though, have I literally curled up into a ball and hid from them like a child waiting for a punishment. I needed Emmett to suggest that I resign from the team because he knew that giving me an ultimatum was the only way to snap me out of my stubborn nature. My asshat of a cousin knew how much I loathed being backed into a corner, but he also knew that he needed to pull out the big guns for me to get my head back into the game, so to speak. While I would never admit to him that this tough love technique was needed, it really was the action required to snap me back into reality.
With my head still spinning out of control, the reality of today came into crystal-clear focus. Today was the day. The day I’d been dreading, fearing, analyzing, dreaming about, and running away from for the past ten years. Today, I would have the privilege of once again staring into the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. Today, I would come face to face with Edward Masen.
Making up my mind, I headed to my closet. I had to look good today, despite my complete and utter fatigue. There was no way I could let Edward see me with bags under my eyes, looking like I hadn't slept in days. I couldn't have him knowing what he did to me. I was going all out today- La Perla power panties, silk and lace bra, nude-colored thigh highs, my silk royal blue long-sleeved blouse and my white pencil skirt with the cute ruffle at the bottom. I smiled when I realized what the perfect shoe for this outfit would be. I dug through all the boxes in my closet until I found my Louis Vuitton black suede baby goat leather peep-toe pumps. Thank the lord, I was no longer the clumsy girl I was back in high school, as I would have nearly killed myself in these almost four inch stilettos. Edward had always loved me in royal blue, since he said it complimented my skin tone. Anything that I could do to make his jaw drop, I was all over. The blouse and the shoes were a definite win. It didn't hurt that blue and white were the team colors, so no one else would be the wiser.
I took a long, steaming hot shower to ease the tension in my muscles and made sure I took my time shaving. The last thing I needed was to have a nick on my leg with my perfect opening day outfit. I slipped on my lingerie and thigh-highs before drying my hair and then took the time to put it in hot rollers so I would have some volume and loose curls. Then I pinned back just my bangs and let the rest of my hair flow loosely down my back. Make-up was never really my thing, but Alice had taught me how to do a mad smoky eye a few years back, so I went with that, a little peach blush, mascara, and lip gloss. I accessorized with a pair of gold twist knot earrings and my favorite Tiffany's gold rope ring.
Once my clothes and shows were on, I checked myself in the full-length mirror on my bedroom door, smoothing out a small wrinkle I noticed in my skirt ruffle. Turning from side to side slowly, so I could see myself from all angles, I sucked in my stomach, while pushing my breasts and ass out. I bit my bottom lip and smirked when I realized that I looked pretty fucking hot. Score one for me!
I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!
Damn, Right Said Fred knew his shit! If this outfit didn't turn Edward's head it certainly would turn Mike Newton's. Then again, I could wear a velour track suit and turn Mike's head. He was such a perv, like a creepy look in the hole of the girl’s locker room wall pervy. He was damn lucky I had known him so long and knew that he was basically harmless, if not annoying. To me, Mike Newton was that little boy who thought he was God’s gift to everything, but was in reality just simply average. Anything you asked him, he would say he had done it, seen it, and was the absolute best at it. Poor little guy, as I really thought it would break his heart if he actually recognized that there was nothing extraordinary about him at all.
Ugh! Why the hell am I thinking about Mike? I shook the thoughts out of my head and gave myself one more look over. Yep, I was pretty sure I could render the whole team speechless with this outfit.Nice.
Definitely taking the Ferrari today, I thought to myself as I picked up my keys and locked the door.
On my way down to the garage my phone rang. I peeked quickly at the caller-id and saw that it was Emmett. “You ready for this today?” he said when I answered.
“Why, hello to you, too dear cousin. How are you this morning? I'm fine, thanks for asking,” I quipped.
Emmett grunted before mumbling, “Sorry. Good Morning, Bella. How are you?” Then sarcastically added, “Happy, now? Ok, so please tell me you are ready for this today? And God, for the life of me, please say 'yes.' Because I think I will go crazy, if you answer 'no.'”
I took a deep breath and counted to ten before answering, knowing it would cause him to sweat it out just a little longer. God, I can be such a bitch sometimes. “As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose. I'll see you in a few minutes at the field,” I finally remitted before hanging up the phone.
I parked at the stadium and shivered when I got out of the car, hurrying into the building to get out of the cold. I hope this damn weather doesn't keep the fans away. It is frigid outside. April is much too late in the year to be having temperatures in the mid-thirties. Damn that fucking groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, and his shadow, extending our winters well into spring. Someone needs to slap the shit out of that little guy. So annoying!
When I reached the warmth of my office I immediately fell into my leather swivel chair. I knew I needed to keep myself as busy as possible or all the anxiety of the morning would come rushing back to me. I called my secretary, Tanya on the phone and asked her to get a Venti hot caramel apple cider from Starbucks on her way in for me and then set off to find Emmett.
Emmett was in his office going over some paperwork when I found him. He raised his eyebrows and smiled when I came in, silently questioning my wardrobe choices for the day. Really Emmett? You want to go around questioning my clothing? I shrugged and waved him off. He knew better than to question that shit, when I was already so anxious. Emmett chuckled, but relented and started in on some business matters needing to be addressed before the game. We spent nearly two hours going over all pressing matters, before Rose popped in.
She let out a low whistle and a cat call when she walked in the door. “Hot damn, Bella! That's my girl, pulling out all the stops. You show him what he's been missing all these years.” Rose smiled approvingly while giving me the once over.
Unlike my bonehead cousin, his much better half totally understood why I was wearing my chosen ensemble. This is a prime example as to why Rose and I are best friends. I love this girl!
“Yeah? You think its okay? It's not too much?” I said peeking over my shoulder after giving her a small twirl and a little shake of my behind. Hell, I knew it was perfect, but it never hurt to ask for a second opinion ya know?
She smirked, “Come on B, weren't you going for 'too much?' Don't worry, you got it right. You do have on the power panty set though, right?” she anxiously questioned, hoping she hadn't spoken too soon.
I smiled knowingly, giving her a little nod and she visibly relaxed. “Good. Now why don't you run along and go peep in on your man in the locker room, while I give my man a little once over here before the big game. Its tradition, you know?” She remarked with a devilish smile.
“Ay Dios mio, you two are sick. You know that? It's the office for Christ's sake. Who knows who could walk in here and see or hear you two. What are you guys into voyeurism now?” I huffed as I walked towards the door.
“Don't you dare, 'Oh, my God' me, Bella Black. We'll see how naughty you think it is when you and your man make up. I'll probably have to listen to you shouting that shit out from your office as he takes you over the desk,” Emmett playfully joked.
Scrunching my face in disgust and shaking my head, I continued towards the door. “Ew. Really Em, that's just wrong. You're my cousin. I don't even want to think of you having visuals of my sex life. Ew, seriously,” I added while closing the office door tightly behind me. I knew I should have ear muffed by ears with my hands, but it was too late now. The mental image had already been made and the damage had already been done. Mark my words, one day that little bastard will pay. Payback, dear cousin, is a bitch!
I headed down to our media room and answered a few questions for the reporters, hoping to get it done and out of the way as quickly as possible. I hated dealing with the media. Even as a child, I was painfully shy when I became the center of attention. Even going so far as hiding under the table when my family would sing Happy Birthday to me. Emmett had been kind enough to step in as the “face” of the team, since he knew of my aversion to it. However, as part of our deal with the “Edward Situation,” I promised to handle all media and team meetings today. Damn, Emmett. He was upstairs getting sexed up while I was down here doing the grunt work. Just another reminder, why I should have dealt with Edward earlier. Oh well, what’s done is done. I must remember to kick my own ass later.
When the reporters were finished with their questions, thank the lord they were only the standard Opening Day variety, I headed back up to our owner's box and took in the fielding and batting practice. I saw Edward out on the field, joking with Ryan Theriot our shortstop, while taking ground balls. His smile and twinkling eyes literally lighted up the cloudy and dreary Chicago sky. I couldn't help but think back to the first time I ever met him, on a much smaller baseball field in Forks, Washington.
I swallowed roughly as the memories played out in my mind. He was just as beautiful now, as he had been then. His body changing slightly as he had added roughly thirty pounds of muscle to his frame since high school. How I would control my hands when I saw him up close I had no idea. My aching fingers wanted to run through his unmanageable hair and reach out to caress his chest now and he was probably two hundred feet away. I wanted to get lost in his beautiful green eyes and look into his soul, the way we use to. And his body? Holy shit, the things I wanted to do with his body.
Get a grip, Bella. Do not lose your cool, I chided to myself while slightly shaking my Edward hazed head and taking in a deep breath of the frigid air. It wasn’t a cold shower, but I guess it would have to do for the time being.
I took some time to think about what I was going to say to him during our meeting, while the grounds crew did some last minute work on the field. I had to keep reminding myself that I was his boss now and not some naïve seventeen year-old girl, who had her heart broken. Who was I kidding? I still have a broken heart, as it seemed time had not been in a hurry to mend it.
I can do this, I can do this, I chanted silently to myself as the National Anthem was sung.
Edward gave a little wave to the crowd at the announcement of his name in the starting lineup. My heart melted and skipped a few beats as my resilience wavered slightly. I shuddered when I felt the unexpected whisper of breath behind my ear. “Don't worry, Bells. He's still all yours. It's going to be fine. I promise,” said Alice seeming to appear out of nowhere.
I turned to look at her and she smiled reassuringly. It was enough to calm my nerves and allow me to get my head back on straight, for now. Whether or not Edward would ever be mine again was a moot point at this moment, but hearing her say everything was going to be fine, gave me an immediate sense of relief. “Thanks, Ali. I needed that right now,” I said when embracing her in a hug. A few moments later, we were joined in the box by Emmett, Rosalie and my Aunt Esme.
The game was delayed over an hour thanks to the rain. Apparently the weather had it in for me because it was only adding to the continuous knot tightening in my stomach. When it finally did begin there was a biting ten mile per hour wind off the lake and a significant amount of fog that had to be played through. The game moved along fairly quickly, thank goodness. Our pitcher, Ted Lilly, retired the first seven batters and was relieved in the seventh inning after letting up only one hit in the game. I was more than impressed with his tenacity out on the field. Edward was our leadoff batter, since he was the fastest runner on our team and had a dependable record of getting on base. He did well for his first game in the Windy City, going two for four. When the game finally ended, I was happy to proclaim us the victors over the Colorado Rockies four to zero.
We all headed back to my warm office after the game as we had some time to kill before my meeting. Coach, and apparently Edward and Lilly, would be taking questions from the press during the after-game news conference. I also wanted to give Lou a little time to meet with the team privately for a few minutes before I came down.
The longer I sat in my office however, the more I could feel the tension in my shoulders building. Emmett saw me rolling my neck and shoulders and came over to give me a massage. He whispered encouraging words to me as the tension I felt begin to recede again. I thanked him profusely before standing up and straightening out my skirt and shirt. I did a quick check on my makeup and added a light coat of lip-gloss before heading for the door. My Aunt Esme gave me an encouraging hug and everyone wished me luck as I climbed into the elevator. The doors closed, leaving me utterly alone with my fears. I took several slow deep breaths through my nose and then exhaled through my mouth, trying to ease my nerves and calm my ragged breathing and racing heart.
When I stepped out on the ground floor and made my way towards the locker room, I silently began reciting what I could remember from Psalm 23 of the Bible and the Serenity Prayer. Both with words appropriate for this type of occasion. I was never very religious, so I probably got most of it wrong, but I figured God was a forgiving being and he would understand what I was asking of him.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
Now if only Edward could be as reasonable as God, I might be lucky enough to make out of this day alive. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath before opening the door and stepping into the locker room.
It was now or never, so I guess the only time is now.
**Edward's POV**
“Alright guys, quiet down for a minute. I have a few things I want to say to you all,” Coach Piniella yelled out over the noise of the locker room. The guys quieted down fairly quickly once the loud music Newton had on was turned off. When he had all of our attention he continued, “First of all, great win. That weather was shit, but you pulled it out. If we can win together in weather like that, I think we have a hell of a season to look forward to. Lilly, unbelievable fucking job today. I'm actually speechless. Seriously. I hope all of you learn something today from that kind of tenacity.” Coach paused, looking around at all the guys. “Alright, we'll talk more tomorrow. We've got a day off, so I want you all at the batting cages at noon. Now, if you’re not dressed yet, I suggest you do, because Ms. Black will be here in a minute for your first official team meeting. That's all,” he announced before heading back towards his office.
So it appears I will finally be meeting the elusive Bella Black today. This should be interesting. With my luck, she will probably cancel out again. Could she be that big of a bitch to cancel out on the entire team? Her past track record with meetings was utterly shitty with me, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt one last time.
Newton turned his iPod back up after Coach's talk and the room was once again shrouded in the sounds of Pitbull. He was dancing around like an asshole in his much too small white towel. “Aren't you gonna get dressed, Mike? Didn't you hear Coach say boss lady was on her way down?” I asked trying to stifle my laughter at his ridiculous attempts at dancing. His uncoordinated white-boy dancing ass really needed to be put onto YouTube. Stupid fucker!
Newton laughed. “Sure I heard him. But Bella baby is one HOT piece of ass, if you know what I'm talking about. Damn, those perky tits and that tight little ass; you could eat off that shit. Am I right, Crowley? I'm just trying to show her what she's missing out on,” he said waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Tyler of course whole-heartedly agreed to his description.
I threw up a little in my mouth upon his comment. I've never met this woman, but I was pretty sure that she had to have better taste in men than this damn idiot standing in front of me. “Are you trying to tell me, that you think you have some kind of chance with the boss? That she would even give your punk-ass a second look?” I challenged. I had never seen her, but if Tyler was backing dumb-ass Newton up, there must be some truth to the comments.
Mike cocked his right eyebrow. “What makes you think I haven't already had her Masen? Bella and I have known each other for a long time. Don't think I didn't chase her tail back in college, too. I'll admit she was fine back then, but damn has she grown into that curvy, delicious body. Those curves are scandalous. Women looking like her should be illegal, really. She's fucking mouthwatering,” he said in a wistful voice. This bastard was not only delusional, but was drooling, actually drooling. What a douche bag!
“I'm gonna call your bluff, Newton. There is no way I think you have slept with our boss. While I'll grant that I have never met her, what I do know of her, she comes off as a cold-hearted bitch. I just don't see her giving it up to the likes of you,” I replied condescendingly, shaking my head.
“Fuck you, Masen. What do you think you’re the only one on this team capable of getting some ass? The ladies love this baby-faced mug of mine; Bella included. Give that girl a couple of drinks and she is putty in my capable hands,” he cockily smirked.
Oh, now that little fucker needed to go down! If he wanted a pissing match that is what he would have. I could bury his ass with women quicker than anyone. He is an amateur when it comes to me. I have no problem admitting that I have fucked more women than I can think of or even remember, as I don’t even remember or know most of their names. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. He, on the other hand, can probably count on one hand the amount of women who have slept with his loser ass. Pathetic!
“Don't be jealous of all this, Newton,” I said motioning down the length of my body. “It's so pathetic. And it is certainly not my fault you weren't dealt with the whole package. The ladies know what they like, and they like this. Get over it,” I chortled.
Mike's facial expression changed as anger flashed across his face. “You know Masen, you haven't been here long enough to start shit with any of us yet, you better watch...” he trailed off at the end craning his head to see around me.
Just then, I felt the air in the room shift as the door to the locker room swung shut. I turned to see a petite, long-haired brunette with her back to me talking to the Coach from his doorway. I couldn't help, but to stare. Newton caught my attention and sneered knowingly. I had to give Mike some credit, the girl had an unbelievable ass, one you could bounce a quarter off of, that was only accentuated by the tight skirt she was wearing. Her calves were beautiful and well-defined in her “fuck-me” high-heeled shoes. And holy mother of god, did I immediately want to fuck her, while she was still wearing only those damn shoes. My heart beat sped up just slightly, when I thought about seeing her from the front.
Just as the incredible creature began to turn towards me, Newton approached her and began trying to grind against her in his towel. With the Hotel Room Service song blaring from the speakers in the background, Mike starting singing along “But I like your type, and like T.I., It's whatever you like.”
I could see the woman was only slightly uncomfortable, as if she had dealt with this type of behavior from him in the past. She playfully tried to push him away, but Newton was undeterred as he continued, “Let me tell you what we gon' do. Two plus two, I'm gonna undress you. Then we're gonna go three and three you gon' undress me. Then we're gon' go four and four, we gon' freak some more, but first...”
What a fucking idiot! Watching his stupid ass was similar to watching a train wreck...you couldn’t take your eyes off it. With this, I continued to focus in on this little display of idiocy, hoping to see if Ms. Black would embarrass the fuck out of him.
Mike began grinding on her harder, holding her hips and pulling her near him. “Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room, you can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room. Forget about your boyfriend...”
Ms. Black did not seem to be at all like I had pegged her. She was willingly going along with his antics and surprised the hell out of me when she threw her head back and laughed. She pushed him away after a second with her left hand, and grabbed for his towel with her right, ripping it right off his waist. Newton seemed to feign surprise, as she whipped the towel back at him snapping him soundly right on his bare ass. “What did I tell you about the towels, Mike? Have you no shame? Now get your stupid ass dressed, because if I have to see any more of you, I will be sending you a bill for therapy,” she bantered.
Coach came out of the office just then and barked, “That's enough Newton. Turn off that damn music and go get your ass covered up. No one here wants to see that shit. Everyone else, take a knee or sit your happy-asses down somewhere. Enough of the tom-foolery.”
I sat down on the bench in front of my locker, realizing that Ms. Black had still not turned around to face us. She said a few quiet words to Coach that I couldn't make out, while waiting for Newton to throw on some jeans. She was really quite beautiful, at least the parts of her I could see. Something about her absolutely mesmerized me, and I could not seem to stop staring. A million thoughts were running through my head, as I tried to determine why this stunning woman, would fight so vigilantly against her cousin to add me to this team. I know that I have slept with more women than I can remember, but someone as beautiful as her would be unforgettable. I was completely dumb-founded as to why she had such strong negative feelings towards me, as I am confident I have never slept with her or even met her. What the hell? Something about this whole situation wasn’t making a damn bit of sense.
Mike threw his leg over the bench and took a seat next to me, much to my chagrin. “You still wanna question my relationship with one Bella Swan-Black, Masen?” he challenged.
My mouth fell open as I slowly turned towards him, eyes bulging. “Ha...what did you call her?” I asked barely audible to even my own ears.
Before his loud-ass mouth could answer, I suddenly heard a throat clear. I sat frozen in place, unable to turn towards the sound. My heart began racing, as I waited to hear her angelic voice once again. Would she never speak? The suspense was killing me. I could have sworn Newton had called her Bella Swan. Could it possibly be my Bella Swan? The girl whose face haunted my every dream and nightmare. The one and only girl I have been missing for the past ten years. The one who knew the real me, down to the core. I must be dreaming because there is no fucking way I just heard that moron call her Bella Swan. I have really lost my mind now.
I felt my chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. And then, I finally heard her speak. Clearly. This time, without the drone of loud music masking it. It was at that moment that the sound simultaneously caused my heart to skip and my breath to catch as I gasped out loud. I turned ever so slowly and made contact with the brown eyes I would know god-damned anywhere. Eyes that were never-ending pools of chocolate. Eyes that knew me better than I knew myself. Eyes that were pure Bella, my Bella.
Apparently, my dumb ass eyes were in a trance because Bella quickly looked away, breaking it before I realized I was even in one. Smooth, Masen. Real fucking smooth! You haven’t seen this girl in ten years and all you can do is stare at her like some damn mental patient? She continued addressing the team, but to be completely honest, I couldn't seem to make out any of her words. My brain was alive and buzzing. I found her. I found my Bella.
I smiled in the revelry of our memories. Only the good ones were popping up into my mind. The day we met, our first kiss, afternoons spent talking in our meadow, our lovemaking, hearing her laugh...God, there were just so many. How I've longed for this day, the day I would finally see her again. There were so many things I wanted to say to her that I didn’t even know where to begin.
Here’s a start, Edward. Why don’t you try an 'I’m sorry I fucked Lauren that night so many years ago.' You know she meant nothing to me. I don’t even know what I was thinking, Bella’.
Yeah fucking right! Like she was going to buy that line of shit. Of course I hated that skank Lauren with every fiber of my body. She was a whore plain and simple, but like the stupid drunk-ass that I was, I fell for her game. After ten years, I am confident that Bella wasn’t going to listen to that sorry excuse at all. Given the size of the heel on her shoes, I wouldn’t be surprised if that pathetic line caused her to shove her foot up my ass.
Knowing that would completely be the wrong opening line after ten long years apart, my mind again ran wild trying to figure out what to say to her first, when it suddenly occurred to me. Bella, my Bella, had not wanted me to come here. She was the same person who had avoided me like the fucking plague for the past two months. The same person who caused me to have some sort of damn complex about myself. What the fuck, Bella? I always knew she was as non-confrontational as the Dali Lama, but her behavior towards me was... unbelievable. There were no words. Part of me was livid that she was avoiding me, but the other part was saddened that it had come to this. Shit!
I knew that I had hurt her, fuck did I know this, and I was haunted by it every damn day of my life, but once upon a time we had something so special. We had always said forever; she was mine and I was hers. How could she not even want to talk about all of that stuff? It had been ten years; she was obviously married now or was at one point, so she must have had some closure, right? Or did she? Knowing Bella the way I did, she was always one of the most stubborn people I had ever met, so closure on our past is something that may not have happened for her either. Hence, the silent treatment for the past few months. Does this make her over-the-top, immature behavior correct? Hell no, but it was allowing the picture to come into focus.
Whatever, Masen. Don’t make excuses for her. It still doesn’t account for the fact that she has acted like a bitch towards you for the past few months.
Ugh! As if that wasn’t bad enough, she is or had been married. Hell! I hadn't even considered that point. Judging from how Newton talked about her and the fact that I saw no rings on her fingers, I had to consider that she was probably separated or divorced. I would have to thank my lucky stars for the man who was an idiot enough not to have appreciated her. This guy must have been a real winner, that’s for sure. Yeah, right! How the hell could he ever let her go was beyond me, but then again, so had I, so I guess I could understand after all.
It upset me knowing that she had been intimate with another man. I had not been Bella's first, but I had always wanted to be her last. Of course, I'm not hypocritical, as I have had more than my fair share of partners over the years. This was putting it nicely, as the term partner would lead to the assumption that I cared about any of these women. That was never the case.
Shit! I wonder if Bella knows about this. Keep digging your hole deeper Masen. You’ll be in China before you know it.
I just didn't like thinking someone like Newton had gotten her into bed. God, I hoped more than life itself that he was full of shit, but just thinking back to how they had interacted a few minutes ago, I was more than a little worried.
Could you be any more of a pussy, Masen? This isn’t a fucking chick-flick where we all sit around in a circle and talk about our feelings. Get the hell over it you pansy-ass!
Shit, for all I knew she could be a mom by now. Bella would be a terrific mother. She had always been so caring and doting to me and all of her friends. I had always dreamed of having a family with her one day. Trust me, I know how girly this sounds, but it was the truth. Shoot me! But knowing that she could have already lived out this dream with someone else was almost too much to take.
I stared unabashedly at her and as pathetic as it was, I couldn't help myself. My heart was literally floating. She was so beautiful, more beautiful than I remembered. The years had certainly been kind to her. Bella's breasts were now much fuller than they had been in high school. Her slim, lithe torso was now curvy and voluptuous. Her legs were toned like a runner’s, which is something that almost made me laugh out loud as I remembered her practically tripping over her own feet in gym class. She had changed so much, but yet much remained the same.
Her hair was still wavy and long, although much longer than it had used to be and I wondered if it still smelled like strawberries. Yes, I remember that small detail about her. I remember every detail about her. Again, I know I am pathetic. How I longed to be close enough to her to smell her hair.
Her lips were still full and slightly asymmetrical. Almost on command, she bit her lower lip as her gaze swept over me quickly. That damn lip biting certainly hadn't changed, nor obviously had my reaction to it, as I felt my dick twitch. Down boy! The lovely warm blush that spread from her cheeks down her to her torso, still appeared when she was embarrassed and it still made me flush with happiness.
Last but certainly not least, her eyes. Willy Wonka himself wished he could sell chocolate the color of her eyes. My hand to God, her eyes were still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Even though she may not know it, they held a vast sea of information. There was a time when I could look into them and know exactly what she was thinking or feeling. When she was too pig-headed to tell me something, I could gaze deep into her eyes and almost read her mind. It truly was amazing. They were big and sparkled like a clear chocolate diamond. She was a rarity and a true beauty in every sense of the word. My god, how I have missed her!
Still in my Bella induced coma, I began hearing the familiar voices of my teammates and the shuffling of feet and bags. Shaking my head quickly, I eventually came to the here and now, only to realize that Bella’s team meeting had ended and she was greeting each of us individually. As sad as it was, I had abso-fucking-lutely no idea what she had said for the past ten minutes. For all I knew, she had been speaking in some long-lost language and I had just sat there, looking like an idiot. I was truly off my game, as she was the absolute last person I ever thought I would see today, let alone own the major league baseball team that I was now playing for. The Bella I remember hated gym class and had no interest in anything to do with sports. Clearly, things have changed during the past ten years.
And just when I felt as if this was the moment, the moment I had been waiting the past ten years to happen, fucking annoying Mike Newton decided to strike up another conversation with me. Seriously, this guy is as annoying as a mosquito flying around your head. How I wish I could squash him like I would any other irritating bug, but sadly this was not an option.
“That Bella Black, like I told you before, is one fine piece of ass. I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean,” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face.
With this last comment, I felt my temper start to rise, as he was talking about my Bella in such a derogatory way. Who the fuck does his little boy think he is? Knowing that I needed to calm myself down before she got over to me, I took a few deep breaths and turned to face the mosquito himself.
In as calm of a tone as I could muster, I replied “Dude, no you don’t.”
I don’t think this was the reaction he was expecting, because I began to see his grin fade and the wheels in his one-tracked mind start spinning out of control. Serves you right, you little motherfucker!
Seemingly caught off guard by me calling his bluff, he quickly changed his tone and stuttered “Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on.”
Seriously? Is this tenacious little asshole going to keep saying that he slept with Bella or knows someone who slept with her? I may have not seen or spoken to her in ten years, but I have all the confidence in the world that she didn’t give guys like little Mikey the time of day.
“No, they didn't,” was all I could reply while shaking my head and quietly chuckling. When was this guy ever going to get the message that I didn’t buy his line of shit for a second? I am guessing never, given his clear slowness to my calling his ass out again. Douche.
Seeing that she was making her way through the locker room chatting with each player personally, Mike gave it a last ditch effort before he knew his time was up. In a rather quick slur of words, seeing as Bella was just a foot away from us, he stated “No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right...?”
I snorted, as I had absolutely no response to that, because I didn’t have to imagine it. I knew exactly what it was like to consume every inch of her magnificent body. To be buried so deep inside her, that it was impossible to determine where I began and she ended. I knew what it was like to hear her moan in pleasure as I kissed her favorite spot behind her ear. I could still hear her scream my name as she reached the climax of the orgasms that I gave her. The way she knew how I liked to be touched, and how her fingers brushing through my hair would send me into a tailspin every single time they found my head. So guess what Mike, you little motherfucker, I know exactly what it’s like to make love to this woman. Not only have I lived it, but it has also been a reoccurring nightly dream of mine for the past ten years.
Just as I was about to turn my head to Mike and give him some smart-ass comment about his hand and its magic, my thoughts were stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of Bella standing directly in front of us. Knowing this was not the time to say something stupid, I quickly shut my mouth and waited for her retort to our little exchange. Shit, we were so dead!
Bella sauntered up to Mike and stopped mere inches from him, plastering a breathtaking smile on her face. She placed her small hands on both sides of his face and quietly said “Mike, Mike, Mikey... What have I told you about telling this little story to everyone you see?”
As he began turning ten shades of red, she leaned in closer and I could tell she was going in for the kill. Trust me, even after ten years I remember how powerless her little “lean in closer” move could leave you. She was so about to nail his balls to the wall. Classic!
Keeping her hands on his face and leaving very little space between their faces, she quietly continued. “Don’t remember, Honey? Well let me remind you once again. Only in your wet dreams lover boy. Only in your wet dreams.”
After her words left her lips, I couldn’t help but smile and quietly laugh. Clearly she had matured and gained some confidence throughout the years. I actually pitied Mike Newton right now, because she castrated him without him even knowing it. Poor kid. Shit, I could see she was going to be a force to be reckoned with.
Stepping back from him, she lightly patted his cheeks and rolled her eyes. Obviously, this type of behavior wasn’t uncommon for Mike, which is what made it even more ridiculous. This guy must be glutton for punishment because it didn’t look like he was able to take a hint. And without even giving the poor bastard a chance to reply, she left him speechless and then began turning her attention towards me.
This was it! This was the moment I had been waiting the past ten years for. The chance to see my Bella again. To talk to her, hold her, love her, and adore her. Second chances were rare, so I knew there was no way in hell I could afford to fuck up the moment. Because of this, it was time to pull out the big guns. As she slowly turned her attention towards me, I quickly placed my best crooked smile on my face and stared directly into her beautiful brown eyes. Hoping against all hope, that I hadn’t lost all of my ability to dazzle her (her word not mine).
When our eyes finally met, I tried to stare deep into her soul. Instead, what I saw was a myriad of emotions flashing through her chocolate orbs. Most flew by so fast, I couldn't put a name on them, but apprehension, fear, anger, sadness and defeat were evident. The last emotion was the hardest for me to endure.
My smile faded quickly. “Bella.” Her name spilled out of my mouth in a whispered prayer as my chest began silently heaving. My heart was breaking right here in front of all these people.
Her eyes stilled and almost darkened as she inhaled deeply and briefly began chewing on the inside of her cheek. Lifting her chin and setting her face in a small forced smile, she thrust out her right hand to me in a shaking gesture. “Edward Masen? I'm Isabella Black. Welcome to the Chicago Cubs organization. We all hope you will be happy here and do good things for our team.”
I stood there, unable to move, unable to speak or react in any way. This was not happening. I continued to stare into her cold eyes and meekly nodded, while swallowing down the lump in my throat.
When she realized I was not going to give any type of verbal reply or shake her hand, she dropped it back to her side. Bella took two breaths, before nodding herself. She closed her eyes briefly for just a second and then spoke once more. “I've been told you requested a meeting with me. I'm sorry about all the rescheduling, but I am a very busy woman. Be in my office in twenty minutes if you would still like to talk. Again, welcome to the team,” she said as she turned her back on me and walked towards the exit.
Indifference. The only emotion I had not wanted to see. I could deal with anger or sadness, as they were to be expected. I could even deal with hate, as it meant there was at least some type of passionate feeling left there. But not indifference. Indifference indicated no emotions, no feelings. This would not be easy to overcome. She had made up her mind about me a long time ago. I was too late.
I reached quickly into my pocket, grabbing my cell phone and pressed the number 2 before I even registered what I was doing. She answered on the first ring.
“Edward, darling, well done. You played a great game today,” she said with such reverence. When I didn't respond, she anxiously asked if I was still there. My quick intake of air must have alerted her that I was still on the line. “What's wrong, baby? Tell me,” she begged.
“She's here, Mom. She's here and she's my boss.” I knew my mother would know exactly who the 'she' in question was, so I felt no need to elaborate. I rushed to continue my thoughts “It's bad. It's really bad and I don't know what to do. I need help and I've only got fifteen minutes.”
I quickly gave my mother the short version of my interaction with Bella. She sighed into the phone, gathering her thoughts before speaking. “You knew this might not be easy if you found her Edward. I don't think she is truly indifferent though. If she was, she wouldn't have cared if you were on this team. I think she is hiding to try and protect her emotions, Edward. You need to tread lightly here, but if you can find that one thing, that one key piece of history, you might be able to unlock her emotions. Just be careful. I am afraid for both of you here; you've both been through too much, if it goes wrong, I'm not sure either of you will recover fully.”
I thanked my mother for her advice and headed up to Bella's office. I didn't know how to fix this, but my mind was made up. I had wanted this too bad for so many years, and I was not just going to give up. I shouldn't have given up before; I should have fought for her. I should have told her that she was my forever and showed her just what that meant, but I didn’t. I was sick of the “I should’ves,” vowing now to be a man of action. Instead of sitting on the side and letting my Bella slip away again, I would fight for her. I would break down that wall. I would get my Bella back.
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