Chapter 5 – The Dark Day
Song Selections:
For Part 1 of Bella's POV~“Nobody’s Home” by Avril Lavigne
For Rosalie POV~ “One Step Closer” by Linkin Park
For Part 2 of Bella's POV~ “It Must Have Been Love” by Roxette
** Bella’s POV **
January 20th. Today is January 20th.
Sadly, the date is all I could think about as I vaguely heard my alarm go off this cold and windy morning. I was in such a trance-like state, that I felt as if I really wasn’t here at all.
While this day held no worldly significance to the rest of the 6.77 billion people on the Earth, it meant everything to me. Next to seeing Edward lying with Lauren on the beach that June night so many years ago, it was the most painful day of my existence. More painful than the day my father died and more painful than Jake’s last day. Today was the day that my heart became so broken, that it was truly beyond repair. Today was the day that I experienced something so beautiful, yet so heart-breaking all at the same moment, that my soul became empty and I transformed into the shell of the person I am presently. While I put on a confident, smart, and sassy act for everyone around me, I am fully aware that I am never showing the world who I really am. Why? Lord only knows the answer to this simple, one word question, but I am rather confident that it has to do with Edward Masen.
“January 20th,” I said aloud and sighed again staring at my ceiling as a solitary tear rolled down my cheek.
Today was my “Dark Day,” as I liked to call it. I was always under the assumption that if I gave this date a name, then maybe I could find some closure from the events that occurred nine years ago. Try as I might, this has never been the case. Year after year on this very day, I slip into such a state that it is all I can do to remember how to breathe. While the old saying, “Time heals all wounds” is vaguely true, there is no amount of time in the world that will take away the memories. No decisions can be undone and no images in my head could ever be erased. Yep, today is my “Dark Day.”
Although this day was always painful for me, for some reason today was so much worse. I didn’t know if it was due to the fact that it had actually been nine years, or the utter loneliness and emptiness I had been feeling lately, or possibly the sudden reoccurrence of Edward’s name into my life, but I immediately felt a new level of sadness in my fragile heart. Knowing that I had far too many responsibilities to sit around and remember what might have been, I begrudgingly came to the conclusion that I needed to get out of my penthouse and breathe in the crisp, fresh winter air.
“Hopefully a run will clear my head enough before continuing with my façade,” I flatly stated aloud.
Most people would find it all sorts of crazy to run outside in the middle of January, but I found it rather refreshing. Although it was frigid and windy, winter mornings always had a level of serenity and peace about them. Knowing that this was exactly the feeling that I desperately needed to have today, I drug myself out of my bed, threw on my winter running gear, and headed out the door.
While waiting for the elevator doors to open, I took a quick glance at my watch. It’s seven o'clock, perfect! I will have the city all to myself. I thought as the doors opened shortly there after.
Not wanting to spend any more time in this building, I entered the elevator and was greeted by Sam, the elevator attendant. Why the hell one of those was needed I have no idea. How hard is it to press a damn button on a wall? While we normally were rather chatty with one another, he immediately saw the utter look of sadness on my face and decided that today, no words were needed. Instead, he simply tipped his head to me and pushed the Lobby button.
Thank God, I thought to myself, unsure if I was ready to hold myself together for a conversation. I had already shed a tear this morning as the memories of that day flooded my mind at a rapid pace. It was taking everything I had to keep some level of composure.
When the elevator doors finally opened to the lobby, I gave Sam a weak smile and headed for the door. Without even looking at my surroundings, I began running. I felt like a woman possessed. There was surprisingly no ice or snow on the ground, which made it the perfect winter running weather. I wondered what it would be like to just keep running and running with no specific destination or timeframe in mind, kinda like Forrest Gump. What a life that man had! I certainly felt like I was in that state of mind. Unfortunately, I had to be at work in a couple of hours, so I had to stick to my regimen. My usual route consisted of running a few miles down Lake Shore Drive until I reached the Field Museum and then I turned around and ran past the Chicago Sun Times office. I normally liked to run down North Michigan Avenue too, but today was just too damn cold for that, so I decided that I would have to cut it short.
After I enjoyed the lake view during the Lake Shore Drive part of my run, I quickly made my way towards the Chicago Sun Times office. I always enjoyed this part of the run because I was able to catch up on breaking news that scrolled across on the real-time banner on the front of the building. I took a quick glance at the news not expecting to see anything worthwhile, when the name on the screen caught my attention. I froze in place and did a double-take.
Breaking News: Free Agent, Edward Masen, former 3rd Basemen for the Arizona Diamondbacks, has just been signed to a 10 year, $180 million-dollar deal with the Chicago Cubs.
What the HELL?
I quickly rubbed my eyes. There must be some mistake, was all I could think to myself as I continued to stand there and stare at the words scrolling across the banner.
Everything slowed down at that point, like the earth was coming to a standstill. I felt like I was in some sort of alternate universe. I couldn’t think straight as my mind starting racing at a hundred miles a minute. I couldn’t put a finger on the feelings I had at that time, but I knew instinctively that I needed to get out of public and quick. Clearly in a daze, I shook my head and sprinted back to my penthouse at lightning pace.
I had thought the elevator ride this morning was bad, but the ride back up was unbearable. I was barely able to keep myself composed. Once I stepped off on my floor, I felt the floodgates open all at once. My mind was one big clusterfuck. My emotions were all over the place, with flashes of anger, confusion, fear, hurt, betrayal and self-pity the dominating ones.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. How the hell did this happen? Why would Emmett go behind my back? I will fucking destroy him when I see him today. And my mother, why the hell didn’t Renee say anything to me about this? She had to have known. There is no way Phil wouldn't have known about this before it was finalized. Wait, does Edward know that I own the team? Could Edward miss me? Shit, why I am I even wondering if Edward misses me? How will I ever face him? Why today of all days? The raging thoughts circulated through my head as I stared out my window looking down at the city.
I felt as if I was in a tailspin and losing control second by second. I knew that Emmett went down to Arizona to meet with Edward, I was no damn fool about that, but never in a million years did I think that he would go behind my back and sign a player without my mutual consent.
“That asshole! Emmett you moronic, fucking asshole!” I screamed. “Have you lost your ever loving mind? I swear to God, that you must have! What would make you do such a thing? When I see you, I swear I will make Scarlet O’Hara look like a kitten!”
I was so pissed at this moment, that I was seriously seeing red! Aside from the obvious, I also felt so deeply betrayed by Emmett, Renee, and even poor Phil it was unreal. Not knowing what I was doing, I picked up my phone and dialed the first person that came to mind.
“Hello… Bella? What’s wrong, honey?” the groggy voice on the other end of the line answered.
Oh, shit, I totally forgot about the time difference. Fuck it, who care? I am pissed at her, too.
“Are you kidding me, Mom? How could you not tell me that Edward had signed with my team?” I said sternly. Feeling my voice getting louder, I decided to keep on ranting. “I mean, come on! I am your daughter for crying out loud. You knew what this would do to me. You know that I have been barely hanging on for ten years. Couldn’t you have made Phil talk him out of this? You should have never kept this information from me. Judas!”
Feeling my face turn red, I quickly realized that my anger with Renee was completely uncalled for and decided that I didn’t need to lay into my poor, sleepy mother any longer. Don’t get me wrong, I sure as hell wanted to, but also understanding that I was a total bitch to her no more than 30 seconds ago, I knew that I needed to shut my mouth and let her state her peace.
“Isabella Marie, you may be an adult, but I am still your mother and I don't appreciate being spoken to in that tone. Especially, this early in the morning. Now why don't you calm down, and we will discuss this. You are too damn old for temper tantrums like that,” she calmly replied. “First off, this is the first I have heard of Edward signing with Chicago. Secondly, we both knew that Emmett was down here meeting with Edward. That silly boy didn’t do a very good job of hiding that fact. You were the one convinced that Emmett would never go behind your back and sign a player without your mutual consent. You should have told him everything from the beginning, instead of giving him half-ass excuses. Finally, as promised my sweet girl, Phil knows nothing of your past with Edward, so he wouldn’t have been any help. I kept him from that dinner meeting, but asking Phil to talk Edward out of going to Chicago would have raised all sorts of questions.”
With a deep sigh I conceded, everything she said was one hundred percent correct. It was at times like these, that I wished I was a tad more like my mother. She had a gift of seeing beyond the surface, which was rather amazing. I guess that all of those years of chanting and living in the Arizona desert really brought one to an entirely new level of clarity.
Note to self… once I kick Emmett’s ass from here until tomorrow, I need to visit Renee. I quickly thought.
“Mom, I know that you are right, but what the hell am I going to do?” I began pleading. “How am I going to face him, Mom? How am I supposed to tell Emmett everything that has happened between us?” I was feeling my composure slip deeper and deeper into the abyss, but kept on asking in desperation anyways. “How will I be able to survive having to see him on the field day after day? How, Mom? Please, tell me how?”
I fell to my knees and began sobbing like a child. The Pandora’s Box of emotions unable to be halted. The all too familiar feeling of not being able to breathe quickly resurfaced with a vengeance, and I knew I was going into a full-blown panic attack. I was gasping for air. I hadn't had an attack like this since the day I had last seen Edward. The major difference being that then, I had Jake to turn to, but now, I had no one. The reality of this realization made the situation that much worse. Fucking, Dark Day.
Self-pity began to take me over. I mean, anyone in my place would feel the same, right? I’m not overreacting, am I? I curled up into a ball and continued crying. Feeling so lost and alone, I struggled to hear my mother’s answers to all of my questions on the other end of the receiver.
“Bella, Baby, please don’t cry. You are breaking my heart right now and it’s only six-thirty in the morning,” she softly cooed. “Sweetheart, why don’t you come down and visit me for a bit. I am worried about you.”
Damn, there goes her mind reading ability again!
When I didn't respond, she continued. “Honey, I wish I knew the answers to your questions, but the truth of the matter is that there are no simple answers. If there were, we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. I know you are hurting more than words can describe and I can’t say that I blame you, but Bella..” She paused and I had a sudden feeling I knew what was going to be said next. “...have you ever stopped to think about how Edward has been feeling since that day?” she softly and tentatively inquired.
Still curled up into the fetal position on the floor, I felt even more defeated. I knew that once again, she was correct. For these past ten years, my life had not gone at all how I once dreamt it would. I had an extremely successful career and great extended family, but my life was forever feeling empty. I had married my best friend six years ago, mostly out of gratitude for his friendship. I don't regret it, but truthfully it was hardly fulfilling; we never even consummated the marriage due to his weak heart. I have rarely dated since then. Most men are too self-conscious to date a woman with the type of power I have in this city. So I poured myself into the team, channelling all of these pent up feelings towards building a great franchise instead of ever truly dealing with the heart of the issue. Edward. I had been able to hide my past and run from the events that led up to today, but with him coming back into my life so suddenly, I knew the past and our history was going to bite me in the ass and fast.
My chest still heaving and tears streaming down my face, I softly choked, “Mom, how is thinking about his feelings going to help me? I am not a fool when it comes to him. I have seen and heard the stories about him with numerous women throughout the years. I'm pretty sure he has been doing just fine. I was nothing more than a distraction to him for a while.”
As strange as this sounds, I truly believe that. If I had meant half as much to him as he meant to me, he would have found a way to fight for me. That was never the case, though. While I admittedly did tell him to never contact me again, deep down I always hoped that he would find me. Yeah, so that was a crazy girl thing to do, I know. Saying one thing and meaning another, guys hate that shit. But I was eighteen and I didn't know any better, and everyday that goes by, I die a little more inside.
My heart silently pleaded everyday. Why didn’t you fight for me Edward? Why didn’t you tell me that there was no one you could ever love but me? Why?
Hearing a soft sigh in the phone, Renee soothingly said, “Sweetheart, all is not what it seems. Trust me, if you would stop running from him and actually talk to him, I think you would be surprised that his feelings these past ten years have been rather similar to yours.”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Did she know something else that she wasn’t telling me? I quickly shook these questions out of my mind because I knew her well enough to know that if she had this type of information, she definitely would have told me.
Coming back to the here and now, I finally said “But Mom, how can I..” I began pleading, but she quickly continued with her motherly advice.
“Bella,” the love in her voice made me smile, “it is simply time for you to grab the bull by the horns and deal with him. It isn’t going to be easy, but if you ever want to find love and acceptance with yourself and someone else, you are going to need closure. You have so much to offer the world, but Baby, you keep that hidden. Please, stop hiding your heart and deal with this so you can transform into an actual person, not just the shell you are today and have been for years. Fate has a way of correcting itself.”
As painful as it was to hear, I knew that she was right. Damn her, for making so much sense this early in the morning. I thought that I had been doing a pretty good job of “acting” like a person, but I guess I wasn’t fooling Renee. She knew me to my very core and I am sure that seeing me throughout the years hasn’t been easy for her. How she had the patience with me, I will never know. At times, I wanted to kick my own ass.
“I know, Mom, I know. I just don’t know... how,” is all I could sadly say. I knew this needed to be done, I just had no idea how I was going to go about it.
“I don’t know either, Baby, but I am here if you need me. Please know that I love you and know that you will find the strength to do what needs to be done.” I could hear the warmth in her voice as this was said and quickly remembered why I loved my mother so much.
Through a hoarse voice, I told her I loved her, that I would call her later, and brought our chat to an end. Knowing that I needed to get into the office and have it out with Emmett, I found the strength to bring myself off the floor and into reality. Although I still felt more lost than ever, I knew that there was no way around the issues needing to be dealt with today. I couldn’t simply stay at home because of my past with Edward and hide under my bed like a child. I was the owner of a million dollar franchise, and with that come a great deal of responsibilities.
Knowing that the sports world was going to be buzzing with this deal, it was time to pull myself together and get into the office. Somehow, I was going to have to deal with reporters on my way into the office. Being a little more prepared about this contract would have been helpful. I knew this wasn’t going to be pretty and seeing Emmett would most likely bring on another fit of rage, but I also knew there was no avoiding it.
I went to the bathroom vanity and opened a bottle I had hoped to not have to use. After my almost breakdown with Emmett a month ago, I went to see my doctor and he prescribed me some Xanax. I stared at the bottle for a few seconds. I didn't want to take it, but I wasn't sure I would make it through the day without it. Resigned, I opened the bottle, dumped out the small white pill, and swallowed it down with some water. After taking a long, hot shower, I pulled on my favorite black pencil skirt, pink cashmere v-neck sweater, and black Jimmy Choo Belinda’s. I loved those shoes. They also made me feel very confident, something I was definitely going to need if I was going to make it through this day alive.
As I went to grab my keys on the side table by the front door, I paused. I rarely took my Ferrari California convertible out in the winter, but I figured with the day I was having, today could be an exception. Today I needed to drive fast and release some tension. There wasn't any snow or ice on the ground, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. Jake was always the one to fawn over fast sports cars, so when he died I bought one in his memory. I loved the damn thing. Now, every few years I upgrade. They have sort of become my guilty pleasure.
I hurried down to the parking garage and jumped into the car. Once in, I started to feel the rage boiling up again and the only thing I could think was, Emmett, you better hold onto your balls because when we are done, you will not have any. Sorry, Rosie, but your man's time is up.
I tore out of the parking garage with tires screeching and tensely drove to the office. I fucking hate my “Dark Day!”
** Rosalie’s POV **
“Flipping out? Emmett, what hell do you mean by flipping out?” I was thoroughly confused and annoyed at this point. “Stop being so damn dramatic. For Christ’s sake! Bella is the most even-tempered person alive.”
I had no idea what Emmett was so wound up about, especially, when it had to do with his cousin. Bella and I were roommates at Northwestern University and became fast friends, despite out polar opposite personalities. I met both Emmett and Alice through her.
Bella rarely got angry. She was always too much of a push-over, in my opinion. Since she and Emmett had taken over the team two years ago, she had admittedly gotten a lot more vocal, much to my pleasure. Almost all decisions involving the franchise were made unanimously between the two of them. For as long as I’ve known them, they have never had a knock-down-drag-out argument. I mean, sure, they bicker like family members do, but never has he called me frantically looking for a referee.
“Babe, please. I'm begging you. I need your help calming her down,” a defeated Emmett pleaded into the phone.
“Calm her down? Are you feeling okay? Are you forgetting who you're talking to?” I sharply asked. I have never been known as the comforting type. If you wanted someone to step in and break up a fight physically, I'm your girl. But to be called in to calm someone down and comfort them,...yeah, that probably wasn't going to happen.
It’s not that I didn’t want to be there for her, I totally did, but I am not the most sympathetic person. So calming her down from whatever made her so pissed off was, most likely, way out of my league. This was definitely a situation best handled by Alice.
“Rose, I need all the help I can get right now. Ali is with her but, it doesn't seem to be helping.”
“Em, are you sure this is the best idea? You know I lose my patience quickly in this type of situation. I might just make the situation worse. What about Alice?” asking in hopes that this may divert his attention to her instead of me. “She is much better at dealing with….” I had to stop because, truthfully, I didn't even know what we were dealing with. He had never even mentioned why Bella was so mad in the first place.
I hate getting involved in other people's problems. If I was going to subject myself to this nonsense, I was not going to be flying blind. I needed more information from him, if I was even going to considerleaving my nice, quiet, and safe office to go into the lion’s den to tame Bella.
I sighed heavily. “What are we dealing with? Babe, not to sound like a bitch, but I have to ask, what did you say to her this time?” This was an important piece of information to know. Emmett has quite a teasing and sarcastic personality. People either adore him or hate him. Bella and Em were as close as brother and sister. He knew her weaknesses and had a tendency to pick at her until she lost it.
I really don’t understand the purpose of picking at people for no reason, but what do you expect from guys? Idiots! I thought to myself as I waited for Emmett to explain the catalyst for our current predicament.
Turning my black swivel chair around toward my office window, I took in the beautiful skyline of Chicago. I had come up with some of my most creative ideas and marketing pitches while gazing at this view. It was so tranquil. I couldn't even imagine what would be waiting for me upstairs.
I asked Emmett to give me the play by play account of his morning actions. In true Em fashion, he began by retelling me how amazing our morning sexcapdes were today and then continued droning on about his day in a timeline form. I zoned out a little remembering our hot and sweaty morning work out. I personally thought the tryst was better than just “amazing,” but I was getting sidetracked. I couldn't see how our sex-life could have gotten Bella into such a state. Of course, it had been awhile for her. Nah, I know Bella, and sexually frustrated or not, she was not the type to flip her lid over something like that.
Emmett brought me back to reality when he mentioned that he had signed a player by the name of Edward Masen to the team yesterday. Bella freaked when she found out the news.
“Wait! You signed someone without discussing it with her first? You Dumb Fuck! Why would you do that?”
This was starting to make some sense. Bella was sort of a control freak when it came to the finances of the team. Em was well aware of this, though. Why would he subject himself to the wrath of Bella for this guy?
I had to switch gears here to get the answers I needed. Insulting Emmett wasn't going to get me anywhere. More calmly, I continued “Ok, so you didn't discuss the contract ahead of time with her. You both know how much reserve money the team has though, so what’s the big deal? What’s the issue with this guy? It's not like you two to fight over a player this much.”
As I mentally began preparing myself for the journey into the “war zone,” I immediately stopped. For some reason the name Edward Masen was ringing a bell with me, but I couldn’t quite put my perfectly manicured nail on it.
“Em, what did you say the guy’s name was again?” as I asked this, some slight recognition conjured up in my brain. I began to remember the face Bella made the day we were having lunch at the Elephant & Castle Pub a month or so ago. Never in a million years had I seen Bella so shaken by a simple name.
It’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to me now... What the hell! Shit! Am I singing Celine Dion now? I will kick Emmett's ass for this later tonight.
Refocusing, my thoughts I drifted back to the minute Bella received Emmett’s call about the potential deal with Edward Masen. The conversation started off normally, but all or a sudden, her face turned as pale as a ghost, she began shaking, and her breathing became erratic. I swear to God, it looked as if she was having a panic attack right at the table. Then when she finally started talking again, it was not in a voice I would consider to be an inside one, if you know what I mean. Not to sound like a complete bitch, but it was a tad embarrassing looking back.
Hmm. “This is a little bizarre,” I thought aloud.
Coming back to the here and now, I was greeted by a screaming Emmett. “A little bizarre? Rose? Are you fucking listening to me? You need to get up here NOW! I swear it you don’t, you may never see me again.”
“Emmett, tone down the dramatics.” God, men are such babies. “I will be there in like two minutes.” I said shaking my head as I exited my office.
“And Emmett, one last thing. Why don’t you play nice with little Bella?” I chuckled. “It would be rather embarrassing if anyone found out that Bella “the Peanut” beat your ass and made you cry like a baby!”
Still snickering to myself, I hung up my Blackberry and made my way to the elevators, and up to their offices. On the quick ride up, my only thought was how I was going to make Emmett pay for pulling me away from the Under Armour deal I was just about to finalize for the second time. So help me God, if that company changed their minds again, I would lose it. And then everyone would need to be here calming me down from a tirade, instead of Bella. I had so much work piling up on my desk, that this little wrench in my day was not helping me in the slightest.
I hope for Emmett’s sake that Bella really is going crazy, because if not, he is sooo getting cut off for a few days. No more La Perla fashion shows for him! I wickedly thought as the doors to the elevator began opening.
Thinking that Emmett really was being overly-dramatic about the whole Bella situation, I was rather taken aback with what I heard the moment the elevator doors opened.
“Calm down, Bella! Please, calm down sweetie!” Alice serenely chimed.
Thank God, Alice is here, I sighed.
“Bella... now that is just crazy. Bella, for me! Please, please put your shoe back on,” her voice now becoming slightly frantic. “I totally understand that my big brother can be an ass, but there is no reason to throw your beautiful new Jimmy Choo Belinda’s at Emmett. The shoes are not your enemy,” she whined.
I chuckled. I wasn’t yet in the office with them, but I could totally picture Alice’s face during this statement. Knowing how passionate she is about fashion, especially shoes, her gray eyes must have been pleading so loudly that she was on the verge of tears. It is highly likely that she is going to have nightmares about Bella using her shoes as a weapon for nights to come! Poor Ali!
“Bella, NOOOOOOOOO………..” she screamed so loudly it could shatter glass.
The loud thump coming from the door made me jump back, completely startled. Bella did not just throw that shoe.
Holy Shit! That is a solid mahogany door, was all I could think. Bella’s fit of rage was even beginning to concern me. I guess Emmett wasn’t exaggerating after all. I stood back a little from the doorway to avoid any more flying objects.
“Dammit, Bella! That shoe was inches away from hitting my fucking head! What? You decide now, to start having some hand-eye coordination?” Emmett bellowed.
“Emmett,” it sounded like Bella was literally shaking in anger at this point. “You’re so lucky that’s all I threw at you, Jackass!” she roared back. “What the HELL made you sign Edward Masen after I specificallytold you I did NOT want him on this team?”
The anger from her voice was like nothing I had ever heard before out of anyone, let alone the normally zen Bella. “Pissed,” as Emmett described, was an understatement. She was more like out of her mind, crazy. I actually was worried about Alice and Emmett’s safety. She sounded like a mixture of frantic, psychotic, hurt, sad, desperate, and confused all wrapped into one.
“I hate to break it to you Bella, but you don't make all the decisions on this team. I don’t have to ask your permission when signing a player,” he barked back at her. Then Emmett added dryly, “Especially, if I think you are wrong. I think whatever your problem is with him, it's personal, not professional. We both know that is not how we were taught to run this team. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Fuck, he doesn't even know who you are!”
Emmett, you idiot! That was the worst possible thing you could say to her at that moment, was all I could think to myself as I started sprinting towards the door. I had no idea what Bella would say to that comment, but I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Sure enough, the moment I opened the door, I heard Bella screaming “Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Emmett! I swear to all that is holy, that I am going to jump across my desk right now and beat the shit out of you with the heel of my other Jimmy Choo! And this time, I won't miss.”
The next thing I saw was what appeared to be a blur of Bella hurdling across her desk at Emmett with a five-inch black-colored heel in her hand. I had to literally throw myself at her to catch her mid-attack.
“Enough! Both of you! What in the hell is going on? Do you want everyone in these offices to think you've both lost your minds?” I shouted through the commotion. “The Jerry Springer Show is taped down the street. Now cut the SHIT, shut the FUCK up, get your ASSES to separate corners of the room and SIT down, NOW!”
Knowing that I wasn’t messing around, both children went to opposite locations of Bella’s office. I swear that they both needed to go to time out for such behavior. With her behind her desk and Emmett on the couch, I was glad there was a buffer zone between the two.
Jesus Christ! When the hell did I become a kindergarten teacher? This isn’t the Romper Room!
Satisfied with this tiny bit of progress, I turned to Bella, stared her straight in the eyes, and sternly asked, “What the hell is your problem? You better start talking and it better be now.”
**Alice POV**
Holy hell, Batman! Complete and utter chaos. I have never seen this with my family before. We are a spirited bunch to say the least, but this whole scene was like a domestic dispute episode on Cops. My grandfather is probably rolling over in his grave right now.
Emmett with the lying, Rosalie literally tackling Bella to the ground and Bella...Bella with that god-damn shoe. What the hell is she thinking? I mean that shoe costs almost seven hundred dollars. It is most definitely not to be used as a weapon. Does she even know what I went through to get her those heels?
I knew Emmett had signed Edward, I did not however; know he did not finalize this with Bella. There are only three people that I know of, who really know about Bella and Edward's past. Me, Renee and Jake, but he hardly counts at this point. Hence, I was a little worried about this whole deal going down. Especially, because I had tried to talk Bella into telling Emmett everything and she flat-out refused. I knew this would end badly. I told Em that this would not go over well if he took matters into his own hands. But no one ever listens to me! By now, they should have seen that I am almost always right on about this shit.
But of course, Emmett assured me that he had talked to our cousin in depth about acquiring Edward. Apparently, either he is straight-up lying or somewhere along the line, these two got their signals crossed- big time. My brother was not typically one to lie, but he has been known to take matters into his own hands if they are not going according to his plan. He most definitely did not inherit the virtue of patience.
Rose had finally gotten these two seated on opposite sides of the desk. My god, the death stares they were giving each other, you'd have thought they were mortal enemies or some shit. I was waiting for lasers to come out and shoot one of them down. I have known Bella for twenty-eight years, and never, and I mean never, has she lost her cool. She reminds me of one of those crazy bitches on that Oxygen show Snapped. She is sitting at her desk with a freaking huge-ass tear going up the side of her skirt from trying to hurdle across the desk. A pencil-skirt is not made for hurdling anything. Have I taught her nothing over the years?
Rose was still waiting for Bella to respond to her question, but it did not look like she was in any hurry to do so. Realizing this might be as calm as they were going to get, I decided to interject. “Okay you two. This is out of control.” Both of these idiots were to blame. Each for different reasons, though. I looked first at my brother. “Em, stated simply, You. Are. An. Ass. I told you to check, and then double-fucking check, that Bella was okay with this. Did I not tell you to expect the worst if you surprised her? What the hell were you thinking going behind her back? That is not how we conduct business here. Now maybe you didn't know, maybe you didn't understand her reasons. That part is not totally your fault.”
Looking quickly at Bella I added, “I told you this would happen, didn't I? I fucking told you that if you did not come clean with him about your past, this was a possibility. But no, you had to go and try to weave some more bullshit together with Renee to try and keep it all hidden. Well, your past has finally caught up to you, not that it ever really left you alone. And to be honest, I couldn't be more pleased. Live your life, Bella. Get out of the fucking past and live your life now. This is your golden opportunity to move on. Take it. Run with it. Worship it. Whatever, just do it.”
Bella sat in complete shock, staring at me with wide eyes. When I saw her start shaking her head I seriously considered taking the damn shoe that was currently stuck in the wall like a dart, and hitting her in the head with it. Will this girl ever get the sense knocked into her? I was taking matters into my own hands whether she liked it or not.
I started slowly and calmly, “Bella, I will give you the choice. You either tell Emmett the story right now, or so help me God, I will do it for you. I am tired of the secrets. You have been pussy-footing around this for years. I know what day it is and I think that is one of the reasons you are taking this so hard, but it's been over nine years. You made your decision, there is no going back. Talking about this might be a cathartic experience for you. Hell, if nothing else, consider this practice for the big show, because you will need to come clean with Edward, too.”
** Bella’s POV **
All I can say is that the past few minutes between Emmett and I seemed like a total blur. One minute I was walking into my office to confront him about the deal and the next; I was leaping through the air at him like a God-Damned spider monkey. I have always had a temper, don’t get me wrong, but never in my life have I lashed out at someone the way I did at Emmett. In my opinion, my feelings were completely justified; however I also knew that my behavior was completely despicable. I couldn’t believe that Rose of all people, had to be called in as a referee. How embarrassing!
I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and realized that the entire front office had heard our little exchange of words. They were all standing and staring with mouths agape through the glass wall and into my office. Alice caught my gaze and ran over to the window, quickly closing the blinds and shutting off contact with the outside world. The shame of my actions was too much for my already strained emotional state and I began to quietly sob.
Shit, this really is the worst “Dark Day” of my life!
I knew Alice was right. I needed to come clean about my past with Edward, but I didn’t really know where to begin. Should I simply tell them that we had dated for a while in high school and that I found him with another girl? While that would be the easy explanation, I knew that they would see that I was dancing around the real issue at hand. Not to mention, Alice would surely be disappointed in my explanation.
How does a girl begin to tell her best friends that she had been harboring a secret, mostly alone, for all the time that they had know each other. How did I tell them about the night that forever shattered every hope and dream for my future? For years, I had gotten away with not having had to share these painful details with anyone, but I guess the old saying about time having a way of catching up with you wasn’t a lie. Father Time himself, was gaining ground on my ass and I knew I needed to lay it all out on the line for them; every detail, every secret, and every regret. Everything needed to be shared.
After asking a silent prayer to my Dad and Jacob for the strength to get through this, I cleared my throat, looked my family in the eyes, and began recounting for them my long and painful history with Edward Masen.
Taking a deep breath I whispered, “Well, I guess it is pretty obvious that I know more about Edward Masen than you all originally thought.”
Still pissed, Emmett interrupted, “You think? Bella cut the shit and get to the point. Did you two have a one-night stand or something?”
A one-night stand? How I wish it was a simple “in and out” one-night stand, but this was most definitely not the case. Knowing that I had three sets of eyes staring intently at me, I acknowledged there was no way around the issue any longer.
I hung my head in resignation, and with all the confidence I could muster, quietly admitted, “It wasn't a one-night stand. We dated during the second half of my senior year in high school.”
No one seemed to respond and out of nervousness, my eyes darted up and scanned the room once more. Emmett and Rose continued to glare at me, not showing any type of reaction. Alice smiled as she was already well versed in the entire story, her eyes silently encouraging me to continue.
I let my mind quickly drift back to the first day that I saw him, on the Forks High School baseball field ten years ago. The images so clear, like it had taken place only yesterday. I was reporting for the school newspaper and was meeting Angela and Jake at the field. The entire school was abuzz with the gossip of the new student by the name of Edward Masen. The girls whispered about how beautiful he was and the guys talked about how great of a baseball player he was rumored to be. Although I was intrigued about why there was such a fuss over the boy, I personally hadn't given much thought to the assumably cocky new jock. I strutted out towards the field like it was any other day ready to report on our shitty ass team.
Still pondering our instantaneous attraction and how much I loved him from the first moment I saw him, my thoughts were broken with another question, this time from Rose. “Ok, so we get how you know him, but why would you still hold feelings for an old high school boyfriend ten years later?” she coolly inquired.
It was at this moment that every feeling I had ever felt for Edward Mason came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. Every smile he had ever given me, every kiss we had ever had, every dream we had ever shared flashed through my mind like a movie reel. I could feel his soft, yet strong lips caressing mine as he would kiss me. I could feel the sense of security he always brought to me as he used his thumb to rub calming strokes on my hand when he held it in his. I could still feel the intense power his sparkling, emerald green eyes had on me when he looked deep into my soul. And when he would give me that crooked smile, my knees would practically buckle, rendering me putty in his capable, talented hands. There was no doubt about it, I was, and still am, hopelessly in love with Edward Masen.
I swallowed the knot in my throat, practically choking on the intense images filtering through my mind and continued my story. “It was more than a little high school crush. Fue Flechazo, as Edward once referred to it. We were in love from the first time our eyes met.”
Emmett’s head shot up like a rocket from the floor, Rose’s stare became so intense that it looked as if she was trying to see into my thoughts, and Alice’s face began to show signs of pain and compassion as she knew what was yet to come.
Not having the strength to entertain their thoughts at the moment, my mind regressed to the first time I saw him on the field. He came crashing into the stands for a foul ball, literally falling at my feet. The moment I first held Edward's gaze, I knew he was my forever. It felt as if there was an imaginary magnetic pull towards him, and neither of us could break through the force field. The only word I can think of that would come close to describing this feeling, was... intense, but yet, this did it absolutely no justice. Even now, I can remember how frantically my heart was beating, how my breathing was slightly labored and how my stomach quivered with anticipation. It was at this exact moment, that I felt the tingles and knew that nothing would ever be the same.
Oh my, how I miss the tingles, my Edward. I wish I didn’t love you so much.
Still lost in my own memories, my thoughts drifted to the events taking place after the game was over. For some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to leave. In my mind, I knew that my feelings were completely ridiculous, considering we had never spoken, but my heart had a mind all of it's own. Not wanting to make a complete fool of myself, I quickly said goodbye to Jake and Angela, and sent them home with some random excuse about having stay to complete something for the paper. I sat frozen on those bleachers waiting for him.
After what seemed like an eternity, I had a sudden sensation of an electrical current pierce through my spine. Stunned, I looked up quickly and saw him walking back towards the field, his eyes burning into me with an intensity I had never known. Taken off guard, I eventually worked up the nerve to speak to this beautiful boy, timidly feeding him some crap about writing an article on him for the paper. Even though this was only half true, I couldn't leave without seeing him again. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I had this urge to talk to him, to be near him, to touch him. There was no way around it, I was completely insane.
“Insane?” Emmett asked sounding a tad annoyed. “What the hell are you even talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
Guessing that I must have begun thinking aloud, I shook off his question, not quite ready to let them in on my memories. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, ignoring the three sets of eyes that were attempting to wait patiently for me to continue.
My mind once again digressed to the past and I remembered Edward’s reaction to my transparent excuse to talk to him. While I was completely expecting a typical baseball player’s cocky ass response, I was shocked when I heard that deep, velvet voice for the first time. Imagine my complete and utter surprise when he seemed just as nervous and drawn to me as I was to him. It was so damn strange to say the least. I'd never believed in that love at first sight crap that fairy-tales are made of, but there really was no other way to describe it. We were inseparable from the start. Being away from him was like suffocating. He was my air. He made me feel whole, even though I didn't know there was anything missing.
Again breaking up my thoughts, it was Alice who finally spoke up. “Bella,” she said with a strong, yet compassionate voice “you need to tell them what happened. Please, just trust them enough to open up.”
Reluctantly understanding what she was getting at, I knew there was no reason to drag such memories out any longer.
“Emmett, you are completely correct,” I said with all the strength I could muster. “It doesn’t seem like I am making any sense, because the relationship that Edward and I had never did make any sense.”
Our relationship blossomed quickly to say the least, yet it oddly didn't seem in the least bit rushed. It was so freakishly natural. With very little adult supervision from either of our families, we progressed into a sexual relationship in only about three weeks. That's crazy, I know, but he knew me and I knew him and it was just...right. Like I said, I knew we were going to be together forever, so moving into this type of relationship was only the next logical step.
Knowing that I had crossed the point of no return, I “manned-up” and decided it was time to tell them everything. It was now or never.
“There are no words to describe the pull Edward and I had to each other from the start. I couldn’t breathe without him and he couldn’t without me. It was as if we had been made for one another from the time we were born. He understood me and I him. Call it fate or destiny or whatever, but from the moment our eyes locked, we knew we were meant to be together forever,” and with that, I let out a loud sigh.
Before I had time to recover from my previous thoughts, Rose looked at me with wondering eyes and asked, “Did you sleep with him?”
In a voice barely above a whisper, I could only state, “Yes.”
Never in the history of the world, was it so difficult to say a three letter word. But here I am, ten years later, barely able to breathe when asked whether Edward and I had slept together. I know it’s preposterous. Obviously, over the years I have been with other men, but none of them ever had, or will have, the same power Edward Masen had over me. The vision of him rapt in our love making, could make me come undone within minutes.
In fact, I still remember driving myself to the Planned Parenthood offices in Port Angeles for birth control. Once there, they gave me a prescription for Ortho Tri-cyclin and I started right away.
Humph. It would have been nice for someone to tell me that the pills took over a month to be effective. I guess it was important to read the information packet after all. Stupid eighteen year old girl!
Now that the question had been asked, I knew that it was time to “drop the bomb” on the rest of the story. Looking at Alice for reassurance, I quietly said, “To make a long story short, I was on birth control, but was never informed on how long it would take for it to be effective…..” holding back tears, I finally mumbled “so,... I became pregnant.”
You could have heard a pin drop in the room. No one sighed and no one moved. Outside of Renee, Jake, and Alice, I had never told another living soul about the pregnancy. It wasn’t as if I was ashamed of being pregnant, because I wasn’t. Sure, no eighteen year old girl wakes up in the morning and says “Gosh, I hope I get pregnant today,” but I remember that I really wasn’t too scared, because I was so sure of what Edward and I had. I knew he would support me and our baby because our love was that strong, but I guess the gods had a different plan.
Fucking Lauren! I hate that girl!
Needing to break the silence, Emmett walked over to me, took my small hands into his, and quietly asked, “Bells, what did he do when you told him?”
I sighed loudly, knowing that this part of the story couldn’t be avoided any longer. I finally knew it was time to relive the most painful night of my life.
“Emmett,” I said through soft tears, “the night I found out about the baby, Edward and I had a little argument about Jake and the graduation party down by the reservation. To make a long story short, Edward was jealous, he wanted all of my attention, and I had already promised Jake to spend a little time with him because I was planning on leaving for Chicago in a few days. Edward tried to give me an ultimatum, which sort of pissed me off. After having a not so nice round of words with one another, I told him that I would meet him at the party later,” I sighed.
I tightened my grip on Emmett’s hands while the rest of the details came bubbling out without even thinking. I told them about getting to the party and asking where Edward was and being directed towards the beach. I closed my eyes, bracing myself, knowing that this next part of the story was going to be the most painful. It still felt so fresh in my mind.
Taking a long pause, I tried to gather myself together. I knew the time had finally come, but before I could get the words out, Rose gently asked, “What was his reaction when you told him?”
My mind flashed and I saw them, so clear, it was like looking through a picture window.
I fell into Emmett’s chest and completely broke down into the same sobbing mess I had been this morning. Thankfully, I was still holding onto Emmett because without him, I would have collapsed, completely breaking down on the floor of my office.
“Rose,” I paused attempting to calm my crying, “I never got to tell him. I went to the beach to find him, to tell him about the baby, to tell him I didn't want to spend the summer away from him, to tell him I knew we could do this together,...that I loved him. But, when I got there, I saw that he wasn’t alone.”
Like a protective older brother, Emmett tightened his grip around me attempting to keep his voice calm, “Bells, what do you mean he wasn’t alone?”
“When I got closer, I saw that he was sound asleep with this other girl, Lauren. They only a blanket covering them and their clothes were scattered all around them, so it was pretty fucking obvious what happened. My feet froze and I stared completely confused at the two of them, until I saw her lift her head and look straight at me. She smirked, looking completely smug and simply said, 'Sorry, Bella.'”
And with that, my mind went blank. I knew more needed to be said, but for a minute, I needed to close my memory of that day off. I needed to think of nothing in order to tell them the rest.
Still in my state of darkness, I vaguely heard Rose furiously utter, “That fucker!”
Her comment startled me. I suppose it should have been obvious that they would be angry with him, but it still caught me off guard. All these years, I have never really been angry with Edward. The hurt, actually, was always the predominant emotion. Baffled, I realized I never really went through the stages of grief in the correct way. I opened my mouth to defend him, when Alice knew what I was going to do and immediately interjected, encouraging me to finish the story.
I quickly gave them the rest of the story. Beginning with how I ran away the next morning to Chicago, without even an explanation to Edward. My reluctance to admit to the pregnancy, until Alice had noticed the slight bulge in my jeans. My homecoming with Renee in Phoenix and my decision to continue the pregnancy. My inability to find Edward when I realized he had a right to know. Putting off college for a year to figure out what was best for me and the baby. And finally, my ultimate decision to give the baby up for adoption.
"Anyways, this particular day is always hard for me, like Alice said. Today was the day she was born, which is why it is even harder for me to deal with all of this right now," I added, hoping it would put an end to the entire conversation.
“Oh, Bella. I am so sorry. So that is why you were so withdrawn and shy when you first came to Northwestern. I always wondered why you were the way you were,” Rose expressed with a sad sigh.
I looked at my best friend, her blue eyes so sad, and recognized for the first time that by withholding this information from her, it looked like I didn't trust her. “I should have told you a long time ago, Rose. It's just...and I know this is a piss-poor excuse, but...people judge. I didn't want you judging me. When I came to college, I desperately just wanted a friend that was real, someone who just thought I was a normal freshman with normal insecurities. It's not that I didn't trust you, please understand that, it was just easier not to talk about it,” I pleaded.
Alice snorted, “Well you needed to talk about it. You have ignored your true feelings for years. Agreeing to a loveless marriage that did nothing but hold you back even more, traipsing around...”
Wow! Alice is in full on bitch mode today, isn’t she? Simmer down there tiny!
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you dare, Alice. I loved Jake, you know that. He had been nothing but wonderful to me for as long as I knew him. Don't you slander his good name.” I was suddenly livid. How dare she speak to me with such malice in her voice about my sweet Jake.
“I've always wondered about that,” Rose said deep in thought. Emmett quickly agreed with her.
“No, fuck that, Bella. I love you, like my own sister, but I have been holding all this in for years, watching you suffer. Now that it is all out on the table, I will be damned if I let you continue to live in denial. You loved Jake as a friend, Bella, never as a lover. You were lucky his heart was too weak to have sex, because I don't think you could have been intimate with him if you would have had to.”
Alice began pacing around the room, a little ball of nervous, pent-up energy. She continued to rant, “His constant coddling of your emotions, held you back. He allowed you to believe that everything you did was perfectly acceptable. He never let you to see or admit to all the mistakes you have made. You've never gotten over Edward. That's why you can't have a relationship with anyone else. You took the safe way out, afraid to get hurt again, and married your sick and dying best friend. And you've clung to him, to his memory, ever since. I'm not saying he was a bad guy overall, he most certainly loved you, Bella. I'm simply stating that you were lost and I think he took advantage of that to get what he wanted.”
I wanted to be angry with Alice, but she was right. I had taken the easy way out with Jake. He loved me, he knew all my deepest secrets, and I knew he would never hurt me. Simply put, he was safe. I figured the least I could do for all of his years of friendship was to marry him before he died.
Just then a knock came at the door and Emmett went to open it. Our GM, Hendry was there and said it was time for the official press release regarding Edward's contract. Emmett groaned but told him he would meet him in the press room in about ten minutes.
“All of this would have been much nicer to know about a month ago, Bella. There isn't much we can do about him now, you know. I can't believe he acted like he didn't know who you were when I met him. He'll be lucky if I don't kick his ass the next time I see him,” Emmett dead-panned.
I had spent so many years protecting Edward from the truth. I suppose it was also a way to protect myself. I didn't want to deal with him finding me, as the hurt was just so fresh at the time. When he was drafted by the Diamondbacks, I made my mom promise to keep the fact that he was the father of our child a secret from Phil. I wanted Edward to succeed and be happy. He deserved that much here, as well. I honestly don't think he knows I am the owner of the team. Something in the back of my mind told me that, if he knew, he would have come to find me.
“No, Emmett,” I said with authority. “This is a personal matter between me and Edward. You can't really blame him, when he doesn't know the truth. He wasn’t acting about not knowing I own the team because he doesn’t know. I made Renee promise to keep that secret. This is my mess and I have to fix it and I promise I will, when the time is right. I need you to treat him the same as you have been. If he suspects something is wrong, we're going to have problems. He was the right player for our organization, you made the right decision. We need him here and I'm sorry I let my personal feelings cloud my business sense. Now go down there and look excited when you make the announcement.”
Emmett hesitated, “But, Bella...”
Shaking my head, I assured him, “Don't, Emmett. Trust me, I will be fine. I support this decision, one hundred percent. We'll work this out. Please don't say anything to him. I need to figure this all out on my own and decide the best way to approach it. Now go, so I can sneak out of here and go clean myself up at home. I need all the press occupied so they don't see me leaving here with a torn skirt and broken heel.”
Emmett chuckled, but conceded after I agreed to have dinner with him later tonight. Once the live press conference started, Alice helped me slip unnoticed out of the building. I couldn't wait to get back home, alone. I needed some time to really process all of today's events. It was without a doubt the worst Dark Day I had ever known, but I felt like somewhere off in the distance I could see a glimmer of light, a glimmer of hope.
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